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Which is why it hurts even more when I tell her no.
“But, Emerson,” she cries, all of her digital notes and planning scattered around her small room. “I don’t understand. You used to be so eager to escape. YOU used to be the one to plan out how we were going to do it. Don’t you remember?”
I, in fact, do not remember, but I don’t tell her that, because I don’t want her feeling any more disheartened than she already is. “Your plan is very good,” I say, “and it has the potential to work, if executed properly. But I need to stay here.”
The words come as a surprise even to me. I’ve wanted nothing more than to get out of this place from the moment I got here. I am slowly realising, however, that me being in here might be a tactical move. I can’t leave. Not right now. Not on the brink of so much information being revealed.
“So, you think my plan will work?” Luna says, still holding onto hope, “So you think it’s good?”
“Yes, but that doesn’t mean I am going to go through with it.” I still need to talk to Mum about everything that I found out with Annabelle. I need to find a way to access my memories to see if I really do know about the location of the ring. Because if I do, I want it found. I want it destroyed. I don’t like it, but me being in Calveron right now is strategically the best place to be.
“Emerson, please,” Luna says, standing up in frustration. “You don’t know how hard it’s been. I’ve been stuck in this place my entire life. I’ve never known what it’s like to be free, to feel the grass swish under my feet or a fresh breeze that isn’t controlled by some monitor. I’ve never known the freedom of being able to walk wherever I’ve wanted; I’ve never even seen the moon without it being artificially made by a window.”
Her words hit me like a bullet to the heart. I’ve always considered myself trapped. Trapped by society, trapped by expectations, trapped by rules, but at least I’ve had the freedom to break them. Luna hasn’t had that. “I’m sorry,” I say because nothing I can say will make her feel any better. Nothing except saying the one thing that I can’t do. Not right now.
“No Emerson, you’re not.” She snaps, stuffing all the files back under her bed in an anger that I don’t think I’ve ever seen from her before. “If you were really sorry, you’d understand how much I need to get out of this place. If you were sorry, you’d remember all of the times from when we were younger, and you’d help me. If you were sorry, you’d remember your promise.” She attempts to glare at me in anger, but it’s done half-heartedly. She doesn’t have the capacity to stay angry for long. “You really don’t remember anything, do you?” Her voice is softer now, more sympathetic.
I shake my head and she sighs, “There was a time where we almost escaped. We almost did it, and then I backed out and said that I couldn’t. I thought you’d be mad, but you weren’t. You told me that it was okay. You told me that someday we’d escape together, and that we’d live in freedom. You promised to show me the moon.”
I hate myself for saying these words, but I know that my words mean nothing if I don’t stick by them, “and I am going to keep my promise. We just need to wait. I can’t explain everything to you, but I need you to remember this.” I take her hands away from the files she is still putting under her bed and draw her attention to me, forcing her to look me in the eyes. I can’t let her forget this like I was made to forget.
“We will escape. Together. I promise to get you out of this place and experience the joy of freedom. I promise to take you back to Beast Eye and experience life for yourself. I promise to let you see the world for yourself. I promise to show you my home, and I promise to introduce you to all my friends so they can become your friends too. I promise to show you the moon, and the sun and the stars and the vast sky that stretches as far as you can see. I promise to help you build a life for yourself outside of the one that has been crafted for you.
And I promise you with all my heart Lu, that I will not forget my promise.”
At that, she gives out a small smile and lets out a deep breath. “Okay,” she whispers softly, as if speaking any louder might make my words untrue.
“Just give me two weeks to do everything that I need to do and then we will escape.” For the first time since we started this conversation, I think about Jasper, and how he will fit into all of this. He won’t be able to come with us, even if he wanted to. When we leave, I have no intention of returning. I’ll probably never get to see him again. I try not to be fazed by this idea, but the thought of never seeing his annoying face again won’t leave me alone.
“In this time, we should probably make sure that the plan is finalised and that everything is in order. We should probably also pack a bag with food for the journey since we will be walking to Beast Eye. If possible, we should try and bring some medical equipment and extra supplies back home. We probably shouldn’t talk about this too much though, and you definitely need to keep your plans out of your room. Anytime you want to talk, it’s best to do it in my room. We can also put all the supplies there as well since I’m the only person who goes there.”
Luna’s small smile is now a playful grin, “what?” I ask.
“You’re back.” She says, and I smile too. She’s right. This is who I am. I scheme. I lead. I take control. It feels good to be back.
Chapter 32 - Emerson Clarke
Aweek has already passed, and I am no closer to finding out anything about anything. The only thing I’ve managed to do is eat more food than what should be humanly possible and successfully avoid seeing my mother.
I tried to talk to Albert about finding a way to access my memories to find the location of the ring, but he seems preoccupied. He dismisses me as soon as I come into his office, and even when I told him that I will openly cooperate with him. I’m not sure what’s going on, but something is definitely wrong.
He isn’t the only person that seems restless. Everyone in the building is on edge. People are rushing around the corridors, hurriedly closing office doors when I walk past and talking in hushed tones. What is going on?
Even Jasper seems out of it. He’s been spending more and more time with Annabelle, doing who-knows-what. Almost every time I talk to him, our conversations are kept short, usually ending with him telling me he is off to see Annabelle. I don’t understand how he can keep visiting her without raising suspicion.
The only person who isn’t acting strange is Luna, and seeing her almost every day, talking over our plan and finalising everything has been the perfect distraction. Making plans feels normal. Having a friend to talk to feels normal. I’m not glad that we’re here, in Calveron, but I am glad that she’s here beside me. She makes me feel normal; and although I haven’t achieved what I should have been achieving over the past week, I’ve been reconnecting with her, and that has felt good enough to me.
I slowly get out of bed and make my way to the dining room for breakfast. Before I even get to the dining hall, I can predict what is going to happen. I’ve come late enough that Mum isn’t going to be there, but early enough that I’ll catch Jasper hurrying in and out of the dining hall before he leaves to see Annabelle.
I take the stairs down to the dining hall, and step into the room, but it isn’t what I predicted at all. What I see before me is something completely different. Something I should have expected to see soon enough. Something I’ve had nightmares about, hoping that I’d never see it, and I could deny the possibility completely.
But there is no denying this.
My mum is talking to Albert Cunningham.
My mum is sitting next to Albert Cunningham.
The woman that I thought was murdered for over ten years is laughing with the very person who I thought murdered her.
