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Was that why she hadn't wanted me? Was it because she knew what kind of man he was, and thus the type I'd turn into? Had she hoped the temple would direct this monster inside me, or did she simply want to get away from the thing I would become? Had she even loved me? How could she if I'd made her life as hard as I thought I had?
Anver's arms just crushed all those fears away. "She could've sent you to an orphanage," he said softly. "She could've abandoned you on the street. She cared for you until you were old enough to become a priest, and now you're one of the greatest in the temple. You are one of Zeal's most devoted. You aren't a monster, Eladehl. You are a weapon, and one that cuts deep. The kind that will keep Nari safe, and Talin, Wraythe, and even me. You are dangerous and deadly, but also beautiful and amazing. I don't want you to change. None of us do."
Word by word, the grip on my mind began to relax, but it wouldn't let go completely. "But you left," I reminded him.
"That wasmymistake," Anver promised, "not yours. I ran because the three of you worked so well. I didn't think I had anything to offer, Ela. I wanted to be a guardian, but none of you needed my protection."
"But I do," I said, looking up into his beautiful brown eyes. "You keep me sane. You chase the fears away."
Anver gently cupped the side of my face. "I said 'needed,'" he whispered. "Back then, you hadn't learned to be afraid yet. I had." His thumb swept across my cheek. "And the only thing I can shelter for you, Ela, is your heart, but I swear nothing will keep me from that. I am a guardian. I just happen to protect those strong enough to need more than my sword."
And then his lips found mine. The kiss was soft, gentle, and filled with understanding. He wasn't scared of me. He wasn't repulsed by the monster I'd become. I pressed a little more, exploring his mouth, but Anver didn't just give in. His fingers tangled in my hair, holding me there, all but daring me to take what I wanted.
I just gave him another soft kiss and leaned back to pull in a breath. "Why do I do this?" I asked.
"Because you think people always leave," Anver said. "It's no different than Nari. The two of you are so much alike, and yet so different. She wants to fight instead of being left behind. You want to make them pay." He kissed my brow. "But I'm not leaving again. Your mother put you somewhere safe. Your childhood friend needed time to grow up and learn what it means to be a man. Those three?" He tilted his head back to where Nari, Talin, and Wraythe were standing. "Nothing can tear them away from you."
"Fuck," Wraythe said softly. "You two were gone when he started this."
"He's always been a punisher," Nari countered.
"Not when he figured it out for himself," Wraythe insisted. "That's why - "
"He worries," Zeal finished, stepping into the room. "Ela sees himself as a monster." The god turned and walked right up to me, pulling me out of Anver's arms and into his. "And you are. I have spent your entire life making sure of it, Ela. I pushed, I tempted, and I honed you to be the most poisonous man I could imagine."
I opened my mouth to refute that, but Zeal pressed his thumb over my lips, halting the words.
"And the whole time, I've been temperingthemas well. If you were going to be poison, then I had to make sure they were immune. Yes, you're a monster. A beautiful, dangerous, and seductive one - and they are immune. They will not leave you. I already paid the price to make sure of that, so it's not a fear you need to have."
I felt myself falling into the depths of his eyes. The colors drew me in, begging me to give myself over, and I made no attempt to fight it. Zeal's lips curled in response.
"That's my golden man," he crooned. "Growth takes time, Ela. Sometimes, it even hurts. Trying to make sure all of you stayed on the same Path? It took the last of my power. Nari was my salvation, but the four of you are hers."
"Five," I said, feeling almost intoxicated with the glory of his eyes. "You've grown too."
"Mm, I suppose I have," he said softly, just before he kissed me.
And the last of my fears shattered into dust. All that was left was the feel of a god's tongue tangling with mine, his hands holding my shoulders so tightly, and the people I cared about most watching as he took control.
