AllFreeNovel
Share Us
"But she's trusting him again," I said, not quite keeping up.
"Afterthree years," Ela said. "And you know, he's right. He didn't really do anything wrong. He never hit her. Not once did he say shit about her. He didn't spread our secrets, start rumors, or cause problems. All he did was meet a pretty girl and like it. We weren't exclusive. He tried to include her and we're the ones who said no. Anver did nothing 'wrong,' but he hurt her feelings and he paid for it foryears."
"But I don't think she'll do that again," Talin assured him.
"He hurt her feelings," Ela said again. "We're talking about me putting her in a position where I could break her trust. Imagine for just a moment what would've happened if Anver had spread rumors about us. She wouldn't have sulked. She would've destroyed him, and we would've helped. Wraythe, you know we would've."
"Yeah, but this is different," I tried. "Ela, she wants you to do this."
"No, she wants me to get this session right. I'm worried about what will happen if I slip just a hair and cross that line. This thing? Her big plan? It's putting her right up to her limit, and she still won't admit that what happened with Nyrren scared her. She says she's fine. Narialwayssays she's fine! That bastard broke her rib. She was completely helpless, and when she spoke up, Talin was nearly killed."
Beside me, Talin groaned. "Ok, I fucked up. I get it."
"No!" Ela snapped, cutting him off. "I don't think you fucking do. I'm not saying you're the problem. I'm saying that this is Nari we're talking about. Everything is on her shoulders; it always has been. Her father put it there when he left her, the temple when they trained her, Amerlee when she told her to choose for herself, and then Zeal when he made her this thing. All good things, right? But it's still a weight that she is fucking carrying around. Nari is the one who has todo, and we get carried along in her wake. Nari protects us. Nari takes the hits. Nari is the one who asked for help and you, Talin, paid the price. She won't ask again. Not for a long time."
Shit, he was right. I hadn't even thought about it like that, but that was exactly what she'd do. Fuck, it was what she'd been doing. Our girl had to be Zeal's partner. She had to save the gods. Not us, but her - always her.
"But," Talin said, taking his time about it as he thought out his response, "we can feel her, right? I know I can, and Wraythe says he's started lately."
"Then what is she feeling right now?" Ela asked snidely.
"It doesn't work like that for me," I told him. "I don't know about Talin, but it's more like that feeling when someone's watching you. Like the hairs on the back of your neck stand up, or your gut says it's going to get bad."
"Always bad?" Ela asked.
"Not for me," Talin said. "I mean, that's a pretty good description of what I get, but I also know when she needs time alone, or when she's happy about something. It's more like..." He bit his lips together and paused. "Like when you wake up after a good dream and you can't remember it, but you still know it was really good."
"Yeah, I kinda get that too," I realized. "Usually when she's with one of you. I'll be studying and just want to smile for no reason, and it's when she's curled up on the couch with one of you."
"Yes!" Talin said, snapping and pointing at me. "Just subtle. Like the scent of rain before a storm. No drops falling, but you still know it's coming."
"And what am I supposed to do with that?" Ela asked.
"It's your limit," I realized. "Shit. You've been saying that she's your limit. That's why! It's because you can feel her, and you can tell when she's not ok with it anymore. It's why you could destroy Faylie when you were out of her sight, but you couldn't hurt Talin even when you tried."
"It's the bond," Talin explained. "Ela, you're matched with her too. Zeal said those marks are a piece of her soul in your skin. The more you open up to her, the more that becomes a part of you. Something you can sense, or feel, or just know. I'm not sure how it works, but it fuckingworks."
"And most guardians are never allowed to get that close to their wards anymore," I realized. "Shit. The rings. We can't love you completely, so we limit our expectations and accept the cast offs we can get. The smile, the moment where you need us."
"Is it like that for you?" Ela asked. "I mean, with me?"
I shrugged. "You're not my desire. She is. You're my ward, and I've always known when you're in a bad mood. I also don't feel like I'm shut out. Not like Jamik used to be with Amerlee."
"So I need to do more," he mumbled.
I reached over to rub his arm. "No, we're good, Ela. And avoiding the subject of Nari doesn't make it go away. What is bothering you about this session?"
"I want to wrap my fist around her throat and have her lean into it," he admitted, the words soft, lacking his usual power. "I want to tie her up and have her beg for another touch. I want to do it because she wants me to, and I'm fucking scared to death that she doesn't want me to."
"She does," Talin said. "I can promise you that. She's mentioned that time you had your hand on her neck at least four times."
"To me too," I said.
"But that was before..." Ela insisted. "C'mon, guys. That night was a big deal. We can keep pushing past it. We can pretend we're all ok, but I'm fucking not. Seeing Talin like that? I've had nightmares! Nari's going to have problems, and what if me tying her up or choking her brings it all back? What if she makes me stop in the middle and Oryll fails her? What if I fucking let her down!"
The last came out as almost a whimper, and Talin was moving before I could push my chair back. Two steps carried him around the table and he wrapped his arms around Ela from behind.
"You are not perfect, Eladehl," he breathed. "You are a beautiful monster, but you arehermonster. You are a weapon, and one that will never cut her. You're sitting here saying that you want her to trust you, but there's one thing you're missing."
