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"No." I hugged his arm across my chest. "Because it blurs the lines between me and you, him and Wraythe, and makes us justus.It lets me see you when you aren't trying to impressme, but are just being a guy I can trust. It makes me feel like this thing between us is real, and like we have a little control over it."
"I still love you," he said, the words little more than a whisper.
I hugged his arm a little tighter. "I fell in love with you the moment you curled up in Wraythe's arms." I looked up to see his face. "Becausethatman, the one who'll cuddle with his friend, who isn't ashamed to wedge his way into the middle of us and demand that he belongs here, has managed to make me feel like I'm more than simply a responsibility. Talin, I don't want to love someone because I desire him. I want to love someone because of his heart and mind. I've given my body to Zeal to do with as he pleases. My heart and mind aren't as easy to win."
"So how do I really fit in this mess with you three?" he asked.
"Us four," I corrected. "The same way Wraythe does. The same way Eladehl does. Knowing you're with me makes me feel safe. No, brave. Brave is a better word, and it's because I know that if Harlin knocks me on my ass, you'll be right there to pick me up. I know that if Eladehl lashes out at me, you'll listen without hating him. I know that if I have something embarrassing, like cum oozing from my body, you'll worry and not laugh."
"I kinda laughed afterwards," he admitted. "Mostly because I didn't really think about it."
"I didn't either!" I snapped. "And that night in your room? I was lying in bed. You know, flat. I felt dampness on my pants, but I was only worried about it being blood."
"But no bleeding, right?" he asked, suddenly worried.
"Just cum," I assured him. "And it was a disgustingly squishy two blocks."
"Hey," he breathed, smoothing my hair back. "How do I make this better for you? Even if it's already easy, what do you need from me in that room?"
I licked at my lips, thinking about it, then cuddled into him a little deeper. "I've kinda figured out recently that I like to be used. To be objectified in a way. I mean, it makes me feel like I'm so beautiful that men can't resist it." I stole a quick glance, hoping he wouldn't be disgusted with that. "That sounds stupid. Never mind."
"It doesn't," he assured me. "It's exciting. A compliment of sorts. Doesn't mean that's where your heart goes, but it's a quick rush to have someone desire you even when they don't know you. To let them bask in your presence and realize it means you have some power they crave."
"Yes!" Because that was exactly it.
He nodded. "So how do I help that?"
"Watch me?" I shrugged. "Desire me. Drink in the sight of someone else pleasing me, and know that it's you I want to be with? Because it is. One of you, I mean. All of you. I want you to look at my breasts bouncing as this guy fucks me, and have you wish you could grab them, suck them, and be where he is. I want you to want me, but I know you can't."
"Oh, I can," he promised. Then he paused, looking back at the bedroom. "I should probably admit something before you do this."
"What?"
"Um, I've always had a preference for women over men." His voice had dropped to a whisper. "The girls in my class wanted to date me in the hopes that I'd buy them clothes, jewels, and such - because I was one of the few acolytes with money. I didn't date them because of it, but I've always been turned on more by a woman's body than a man's. I'm more drawn to women than men. Don't get me wrong, I do care about Eladehl, but..."
"You love me," I finished for him.
He nodded. "And one day I'll find myself in love with him, and I don't think it's going to take long, but this thing I feel for you? It's real. It's not desperation, and it's not going away even when I try to keep my hands off you."
"It's like this net," I said, "always just below my feet, ready to wrap around me and break my fall."
"Mm, I like that," he breathed against my ear. "Maybe, after this thing for class is over, you'll decide to spend the night with just me?"
"I'm free tonight," I pointed out.
He chuckled. "I am not going to make you sore before you have a big test. Not even fair."
"I don't get sore anymore," I told him.
He looked down and lifted a brow. "How about we test that theoryafteryou pass this test. Last time you failed something, you broke a man's nose."
I reached back to jab him in the ribs. "Zeal fixed it."
"Mhm, but I'd rather we skip that part completely. I'll wait for you, my desire. I'll hold you, listen to you, love you, and always wait for you."
Chapter 26
Talin
