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"Fuck," I snarled, louder than I'd intended.
A light tap sounded at my door. "You ok?" Amerlee asked from the other side.
"Come," I told her.
She opened the door to reveal Talin in the hall with her. He caught my eye, nodded, and then turned for his room further down. Amerlee stepped inside and closed the door behind her.
"He's good," she told me. "I wouldn't even suspect that his ring doesn't work."
"Was Mrs. Baefel satisfied?" I asked.
Amerlee moved beside me to look in my mirror. "Very." She wiped a smudge of lipstick from the corner of her mouth. "But I'd rather talk about why you're cursing alone in your room. Was being with Nari that bad?"
I let out a heavy sigh and turned for the bed, flopping onto my back. "She's beautiful, Amerlee. My little girl turned into the most stunning woman that I've ever seen. She really is a walking temptation."
"And you're not immune," she guessed. "You aren't related to her, Jamik."
I made a dismissive noise. "I'm the closest thing she's had to a father for most of her life. She's the closest thing I've had to a daughter. My problem isn't that I want to be with her; it's that I want to keep anyone else from touching her. That'smylittle girl, Amerlee. Our girl, that we raised together."
"And now she's a woman." Amerlee moved to sit gracefully beside me. "Ourchild, Jamik. The one we taught to never be ashamed of herself. The one we brought up to be strong and proud. The girl who deserves to enjoy her body, give in to her temptations, and never once feel ashamed because of it. It's natural to want to protect her, but it's also ok to be happy for her."
I looked over into my lover's beautiful grey eyes. "She's more beautiful than you."
Amerlee just shrugged. "I like to tell myself that it's because she's also part you. You wanted to know what I'd prayed about? What Zeal mentioned earlier? Well, that's it. I often prayed that we could be a real family. I don't want to leave the temple, but I did want to be a mother. I wanted to raise a family with you. Zeal gave us that with Nari, and it's been everything I wanted."
I nodded. "I keep thinking that I should keep the ring."
"Why?" she asked.
Her voice was always so gentle, her eyes so intent. Everything about this woman was perfection, and I'd never tried to deny it. She made me feel like the center of her world, even when I watched her loving someone else.
"Teach Nari that trick, would you?" I asked.
Her brow furrowed. "Which trick?"
"The one where you can be wrapped around someone else and one glance makes me feel like you're doing it for me? The way you can ignore me completely because of the situation, and yet make me feel like you're simply hiding our secret. The trick that always pulls me in, darling."
"It's called love," she said. "Nothing more. Jamik, why do you want to keep the ring when your god offered to make it painless?"
"It's called love," I quoted back. "How do you think Shalsa would feel if I was no longer the innocent guardian just keeping you safe?"
"Shalsa thinks you're sexy." She lifted her legs onto the mattress and curled up against my side. "I think you're flat-chested, brutishly built, and hairy in all the wrong places." And she snuggled her head into that hollow at my shoulder, encouraging my arm to curl around her back. "I also think you're the person I feel safest with. Not physically, Jamik. I mean the way you never hate me for what I say or think, even when I don't mean to do it."
I turned my head to kiss her hair. "I want you to be happy. More than anything else, that's all I want. I never cared about the ring, because I knew I couldn't be with you regardless. For me, it's simply a reminder that I fell in love with a woman I didn't deserve. One that Shalsa does."
"I love you more," she whispered.
"What?"
She nodded, her head sliding against my chest. "That's what I was trying to tell you. I started accepting sessions with men because I wondered what it would be like to be with you. I knew that one day, I would give up this Path and seek another. You promised to follow me. That means your ring would come off. I would finally be able to let you know just how much I need you, and I wanted to make sure I'd be ready."
"For... sex?" I asked, unsure if I was understanding her right.
Her arm raised to curl around the outside of my neck. "There comes a point when friendship can turn to more. You've never tried to draw that line between us, and somewhere along the way, I crossed it." She tilted her face up to see me. "I don't want you for your body, Jamik. I want to be with you because I fell in love with you as a person. That's the only way I can describe it. I'm not attracted to men. I never have been. I'm just attracted to the person who giggles with me over pretty women, who loves shopping for clothes, and who always makes me feel good about myself. That you're a man?"
"Has to be confusing," I finished, showing I understood.
"Yeah," she agreed. "I mean, I can see that you're handsome. I can appreciate the qualities of your physique, and understand how someone would be attracted to it. I'm just... not. I'm sorry, and I feel so bad saying that. But I likeyouregardless of the fact that you have a dildo built in."
