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Late one night after my friends had gone to sleep, I finally gave in to the heartache. Hugging Bunny as tightly as I could, I rolled toward the wall and let the tears slip from my eyes. I didn't sob, but I missed the boy who'd been a part of my life for so long. My nose started to clog up, and I sniffed, but that only made me gasp. Before I knew it, I was well and truly crying.
A light tap at the door made me wipe at my face quickly. "Yeah?" I asked.
The knob turned, and Eladehl peeked his head in. "Hey, you left your..." He paused to slip inside, closing the door behind him. "What's wrong?"
"Nothing," I grumbled.
That didn't dissuade him at all. He crossed the room to sit on the edge of my bed, leaning over me. "Nari, why are you crying?"
"Because I don't know why Anver hates me," I finally admitted, the tears starting back up immediately.
He pulled me into his arms, taking Bunny's place. "Oh, Nari, it's not our fault. I know that doesn't make it any better, but I've tried too. He feels bad about us fighting at the Temple of All Gods, and I think he's embarrassed. That little twit he's hanging out with isn't helping."
"She hates me too," I blubbered.
He slowly began to rock. "She's jealous of you. Everyone knows the four of us were together. Ciella made a big deal about us doing things as a group, and he was a part of that. No one really understands how, and I'm gonna bet he's not talking about it. She probably thinks he slept with you." He leaned back to push my hair away from my face. "Can you imagine Tishlie if he told her that he only likes to watch?"
"No," I whimpered.
He gave me a gentle smile. "Baby, Anver's a cute boy. Cute enough that we both kissed him first, right? But think about that. You and I? Wekissedhim. When he was with us, we could make him come. Sometimes, he even touched us. He doesn't want to be touched himself, but we said that was ok. We let him touch himself when and if he wanted to, and we didn't make him feel bad about it. Wemade outwith a boy who is the least sexual of any asexual I've ever met."
"Met a lot?" I asked, trying to make a joke of it, but my croaky voice ruined it.
"More than you'd think, but you have too. Zeal has a way of gathering them out of the pool of surrendered kids. My mentor said there are more asexuals in the Temple of Temptation than all the others combined, mostly because it helps them be good guardians. They're offered another relationship instead of simply the physical kind. I mean, most of them like messing around under the right circumstances, but only if they're emotionally invested. Now think about that."
"That Anver was emotionally invested in us?"
He nodded. "And you know that makes Tishlie feel left out. He doesn't kiss her, Nari. He hugs her, and he tries to keep her safe, but she's like a wounded little bunny." He tipped his head to my stuffed rabbit to show why he'd made that comparison. "She’s little, cute, and needy, and Anver wants to be needed more than anything else. After they tied me up, he was so attentive, willing to hold me or talk any time I wanted, and when I said I was ok, it was like I'd punched him. But Tishlie treats him like a shield. It gives him the one thing he wants most, although he hasn't realized that he's losing something else because of it."
"But what am I supposed to do?" I asked.
He shifted his arms. "Use my shoulder instead. We can't make up his mind for him. Wraythe and I've talked about this a lot. I miss having a boy around who likes me like that, but Wraythe's right. I can't force Anver to care about me. You can't either."
"So you miss him too?" I asked, snuggling up against his chest.
"The same way you'd miss Wraythe," he said softly. "I miss the way he'd hold me. How he'd kiss the top of my head, and how he'd let me snuggle up against his shoulder. I love being with you, but it's not the same. You're not..."
"A boy," I finished for him. "I'm not the strong one between us."
"No, but I like that too," he breathed. "Believe it or not, I understand why Wraythe wants to follow the Path of Protection. It feels so good sometimes. Like for just a moment, you let me be your hero."
"You both are," I assured him. "But even more than that, you're my family."
He pressed his cheek against my hair. "Yeah, family sounds really good. Just promise me that our Choosing won't ruin this?"
"Not if we don't let it."
He was quiet for a little too long, but finally he whispered, "I'm willing to fight for you, Nari. As hard as you need me to."
Chapter 22
Nariana
Our Intuition internship was alotmore interesting after Priestess Bressa took over. By the time the weather turned warm again and we were getting ready for year-end tests, she let us serve an hour in the main temple. Our responsibility was to assist patrons looking for a specific god. Mostly, we just listened for a bit and then led them to one of the temple priests, but it was a lot better than simply memorizing the history of our religion.
And Bressa was a good priestess. Her faith was impeccable, but so was her intuition - of course. She'd figured out that two kids from our class would slip away if they weren't monitored, so she always managed to be standing at the right entrance to stop them. She also kept her eye on the three of us. Not that weweretrouble, but even I had to admit that we could be.
Temptation wasn't the only temple to send its students to learn about the rest of our faith, though. With six gods all sending five groups, it got crowded quickly. Every day, our class got one hour that changed each day, so we could work with students from another temple. Today, it was the green-robed kids from Perception.
