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She stops crying, but the silent sobs still shake my shoulders.
“Stop, Ivy. Listen!”
“You want to go home, but you have to realize it’s not safe right now, right?”
She looks up at me, fear trickling in her eyes like a slow drip.
“You think if you leave here your life will go back to normal? Do you think the past will be erased and you can just go live your life again? It’ll be that easy?”
“No.” She sobs.
“No, it won’t. Until we take Santiago down, it won’t be safe for you to go home. Honestly, it won’t be safe for you to go anywhere. Mostly with the kid being Santiago’s… you’ve got a big target on your back. You have to know that, right?”She really can’t be that naive, can she? Going anywhere with Santiago’s kid and acting like she’ll just fade into the crowd is laughable.
She folds into herself, accepting defeat. Her shoulders curl and her eyes dull, and she looks like a butterfly that’s lost her wings. She’s gone from a colorful storybook to a black and white film. The life that flowed through her when she pleaded her eagerness to leave is gone, in its place is a sadness, a loss that I can feel in my soul.
Without even realizing it, my hand snaps out and my fingers curl around her tiny bicep. Her skin is hot against mine, the smooth, tanned skin almost butter against my rough palm. I pull her towards me and wrap my other arm around her neck. The top of her head nudges underneath my chin, even as her body stiffens. She feels petrified against me, but I hold her tight as her sobs still shake against me. She feels trapped; I realize that. But at the end of the day, my gut shouts at me that letting her walk out of these walls will be a death sentence. For her and Lilah.
I can’t let that happen.
Which means I need end him before he finds her.
12
Ivy
“Mom, I’m bored.” Lilah says to me the next morning. Her tiny little feet swing off the end of the bed.
I don’t blame her.
I’m bored too, but I’m procrastinating. Yesterday was… interesting. After I cried in Aziel’s arms for a good five minutes, we separated, and I went to get Lilah. I was able to avoid him the rest of the day, even though I could feel his heavy eyes on the back of my neck. He came to talk to Lilah a few times, but he gave me space to reflect, I guess. Or maybe to come to terms with what’s been going on these last couple days. Either way, I ended the night feeling more alone than ever. I shrugged my way up to Aziel’s bedroom and held Lilah all night, silently crying as I realized I’m stuck in another prison.
It might be a different type of prison but trapped is trapped. And I’m fucking trapped.
I know Aziel is right, though. The moment I walk out of these walls, I’ll be walking right into Santiago’s arms, and I would rather take my last breath than go back to him.
Since I woke up this morning, I’ve been putzing around the room. I don’t know if I’m waiting for Ms. Maria to burst through the door, or maybe I’m waiting for Aziel. I don’t know but being stuck with a three year old means I don’t have a lot of time to procrastinate. Young minds with short attention spans.
“What do you want to do? Want to go get breakfast? I bet you’re getting hungry.”
She tilts her head to the side. “Mmm, no. I want to play hide and seek.”
“Hide and seek?”
She hops of the bed. “Yeah!”
I tap my lips. “How about we go and see if Haley will make us something, and while we’re waiting, we can play hide and seek? That way we can get some food in your belly, too.”
“Okay!”
“Okay.” I say, not as enthusiastically. I’m nervous to run into Aziel after last night. The way he held me only made me more upset, but not for reasons that he’s thinking.
The way he held me; I haven’t been held that wayin so long. Not since I was little, and my parents would cuddle me. It felt like I was needed, like I waswanted. Lilah holds onto me, but to have someone larger than you wrap their arms around you and allows you to sink into them… it gave me a relief that I haven’t felt in so long. His strong arms held me tight and I felt like I could finally let go.
I’m sure he thinks I’m a lunatic for crying like a mental patient and afterwards ignoring him the rest of the night. Now I feel even more awkward for the inevitable talk we’re going to have sooner or later.
“I want to hide first.” Lilah says as we’re walking down the creaky steps.
“Okay.” My voice shakes, so I give her a smile to hide my unease.
