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My heart hurts from the fact that he's pushing me away. I didn't realize how much I had come to depend on his steady support and love. I follow him to the balcony and attempt to talk to him again.
"Please tell me what I did and I'll try to fix it?" I ask mournfully.
"Everything's fine Eva, I just need space right now. Work is really busy currently."
Considering the fact that he has never wanted me even out of his sight in the past, his reasoning falls on deaf ears. My sadness is fading and morphing into anger. I can't think of anything I've done and I'm not going to be his emotional punching bag for nothing.
"Fine. If you're not going to tell me the truth then I'm leaving. Let me know when you decide to grow up," I throw at him as I head towards the elevator.
There's a crash on the ground and I spin around to see Beckham stalking towards me. He is only inches away when he finally says something.
"The truth? The truth is that I wish that your witch had never given me back my memories, because now I can remember everything. Now I know thatIwas once your everything, your fated mate, the other half to your soul. I know what it means to be that for you, and now I know what I've lost," he says sorrowfully.
I stare at him shocked. I can't remember everything yet, only the bits and pieces that I've collected from my dreams and what the specters have chosen to reveal to me. I know though that I can't imagine loving him more than I do now, fated mates or not. He is as dear to me as my own heart. I start to speak, and he cuts me off.
"I can't see you with them knowing that there was a time that no one in any of the worlds could have turned your head whether I was in the room or not. Now I have to watch you greet Mason and Damon like they're the missing parts to your soul. I can't do it. I can't live with this knowledge."
He kneels in front of me, a sob hitched in his voice. I experience a sense of deja vu, like we had been in this exact position before, perhaps the only other time that he's ever cried before. However just like any other flashes of memory about the past, I can't grasp onto the exact memory.
Beckham brings my attention back to the present when he buries his face into my sweater, squeezing me tight in a desperate embrace.
"Please find a way to take this from me," he tells me. "Please help me to forget."
I'm struggling with the guilt that is now coursing over me. My earlier anger has been pushed out by the fact that I've brought this gorgeous, amazing man to his knees by my selfishness. Who am I to ask these three incredible men to agree to share me? I would go absolutely insane if the situation was reversed. What do I even say in this situation? Do I just let him go? It feels like that would be the same as ripping my heart out. I need him as much as I need air to breathe. I kneel on the ground as well, some stray shards cutting into my knees.
"Do you want me to let you go?" I ask him in a soft whisper that's filled with regret.
He looks up at me shocked.
"No, of course not. I could never live without you."
"You've lived without me for hundreds of years," I remind him gently. "I'm sure you could do it again. Lexi could make you forget all about me."
"Are you breaking up with me?" he asks, sounding panicked.
"Isn't that what you want?" I ask him, confused.
"No, of course not. I just don't want to remember a time when your love for me was absolute, that you loved me best. It's haunting my every moment having those memories."
I think about the dreams I had when Aiden had me under his enchantment. Dreams of meeting Mason long ago in another land. My feelings for Mason seemed just as strong as those I remember having for Beckham. And certainly now my love for them, and Damon, feels absolute and equal.
"My love for you is infinite," I tell him. "I don't want you to forget our past. I want to remember it all so badly. I only get bits and pieces but I know we've always been amazing together. I also know I hurt you badly in the past, I'm not exactly sure how.."
He cuts me off. "I know exactly how badly you hurt me. You married someone else, although I don't know why."
Suddenly all the pent-up agony is too much. He pushes me with such force, that I can feel the wall splinter behind me. It doesn't hurt though, if anything it just spirals the lust building inside of me. He grips my face. "Mine," he states resolutely before our lips are clashing together, teeth and tongue battling to undo all the hurt we've caused each other.
Somehow in the malay, my shirt and his shirt have been ripped off, and we've sunk to the thick, plush carpet on the floor, pieces of the wall scattered around us like fallen snow. Our frantic, aggressive battle to dominate the other person for past hurts is swept away in the tide of the love that has existed between us for what I know now has been almost forever. His lips slowly brush against my cheek and start a slow descent down my neck, towards my heaving chest. His heart beats a frantic rhythm, calling to me, and for the first time since Aiden, I feel like I've really been found, like I'm home.
Something akin to a growl comes from him as I shift him so that I'm on top. I straddle his hips and the demure black pencil skirt I am wearing underneath my sweater rides up my thighs, the slit tearing up the seam as it does so. His hands caress my bare skin, awe reflected in his beautiful blue eyes as they wander up my thigh. I press myself to him and his eyes widen. I can feel his hand shaking as it slides past my hip, up my back, to my shoulder. We stare into each other's eyes as he asks permission for what comes next. I give a small nod, no doubt in my mind, as he slips my silk bra strap from one shoulder and then the other.
His mouth touches my shoulder and my hand slips into his hair and tightens as I give a small gasp of pleasure. The sound must ignite something in Beckham because he tears the rest of my skirt until it's laying in ruin behind me. I give another gasp when he pops the front of my bra, bearing me fully to him. All that's left between us are his jeans and an insubstantial, lacy pair of underwear that probably don't even deserve that title. He fixes that with a soft tug to the fabric. My wings shoot out as he tosses the scraps of my underthings out of my sight.
Finally, I can't take it anymore and I give a burst of magic to pop the button in his jeans. He stands up with me in his arms as he starts to walk towards his bedroom. I wrap my legs around him, sure that I'm squeezing too tight, but I feel like if I don't, our moment of happiness will disappear. His perfect torso feels like soft steel against my legs as his muscles tighten, and I gasp softly at the sensation of so much of our skin touching at the same time as his tongue makes love to my mouth.
My wings flutter and he gives another growl. An idle thought passes through my mind briefly about what Aiden said about the Fae not having wings, but its quickly pushed from my mind when his tongue begins to trace lower on my chest. My wings spread out to full extension as he lays me on the bed gently. Half of his body is still clothed and I fumble trying to pull his jeans off. We may have done this before, but my body is making very clear that it feels like a virgin.
Once his pants are off I toy with the waistband of his briefs, suddenly becoming very nervous. He remembers everything now. What if the old Eva was a much better lover than the current Eva? I never imagined I would have myself to compete with. The worry melts away as he cups my very naked butt. I give him a taste of his own medicine by sliding my hands beneath his briefs and squeezing his perfectly muscled butt in return.
