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Fuck.
“How do I not know after all this time that our first night together was your birthday?”
“Well, I never said anything then or since, so you’re off the hook.”
He absently brushed the hair away from her face. “Explain.”
“You know the story of how I was conceived, and nine months later, it’s a girl!”
“Smartass. No. Explain why you were in a bar on your birthday drinking alone.”
“I have no friends, except for coworkers and Cyn, but she’s really an acquaintance I’m planning to make my best friend here really soon. I have no family. My grandparents never liked to celebrate, because you know, yeah, a monster raped our daughter, and it’s a girl.” The words dripped with sarcasm, but she couldn’t bury all that hurt underneath the sad truth.
“I’m sorry, sweetheart. I wish I’d known.”
“Doesn’t matter. You gave me the best birthday present ever.”
“Eliza.”
She cupped his face again. “Yes. And no. You gave meyou.”
He took the blast of love in the heart and wondered how he got so lucky to have someone so amazing in his life.
“That night, you made me feel beautiful and special and wanted and needed. For the first time in my entire life, I felt like I was enough. You didn’t know anything about me, except what you saw and what we shared. I thought it would be quick and you’d be gone after the first time. But you stayed, and you wanted more, and I didn’t want you to go, because you saw only me. That was the best gift. And from that I got another. Eliza. This morning, you gave me one more when you told me you love me. No one has ever loved me the way you do.”
“I feel the same way, Shelby. I thought I was lost. I thought I was worthless. And every time I felt like my life was over, there you were, waiting for me. Andif we’re talking about gifts . . .” He shook his head. “I don’t need anything the rest of my life because I have you and Eliza.” He kissed her softly, then pulled back. “Unless you want to give me another little one to love.”
She tilted her head, surprise in her eyes. “You really want another child?”
“Why does that surprise you? I love Eliza. And I missed all of your pregnancy. I wasn’t in the delivery room when she arrived. I had to watch it like a bizarre sporting event.”
She smacked his shoulder for that comment.
“I missed all the baby stuff because I was overseas for nearly all of it.” He stared down at her, trying to read her thoughts. “Do you want to have another one?”
Please say yes.
He really would like to have another child and be there for him or her from the beginning and share it all with Shelby and Eliza this time.
“When you first came home, I’ll admit, I kind of thought about it. But then...”
He’d gone off the deep end and didn’t present her with a steady partner, who’d be there for her and the kids.
She’d done it alone once. He understood that doing it alone again, this time with two little ones to look after by herself, wasn’t her idea of a good plan.
“We didn’t plan Eliza. We can do that this time. It doesn’t have to be right away, but sooner rather than later, I hope.”
She gave him one of those shy smiles. “I’d like to give Eliza a brother or sister. Maybe two,” she added, giving him hope. “But I’d like things to be more... permanent.”
He cocked his head. “What do you mean? I’m not going anywhere. I’ve got a job. I’m working with Dr. Porter, I’m taking my meds, which are helping way more now, and Remmy has been a huge help in making sure I don’t get lost in the past or nightmares. Sleep,” he said with enthusiasm, “is a good thing.” It made a world of difference in his life. The brain fog had lifted.
Granted, he was a long way from where he wanted to be, but he finally had hope he’d get there.
She touched her fingers to his lips and shook her head. “All of that is great. But I’m talking about between you and me.”
Permanent.
Marriage.
