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He squeezed her back. “You won’t. I’m not going anywhere either.” He buried his face in her neck and inhaled her sweet citrus scent. “I’m trying to work everything else out in my muddled head.”
“I know. That’s why I’m giving you a pass on what happened and the time you need to recover from the trauma you’ve suffered. I don’t expect you to be well overnight. You shouldn’t expect that of yourself either. It’s a process. Just like healing from your physical wounds, your mind will need time to mend, too.”
“I wish everything could just be the way I want it.”
“Don’t we all? But some things take time. Everything takes effort. And I admire you for not giving up when things get tough.”
“I have given up and had to start over many times.”
“But you keep trying, Chase. That’s what counts.”
A little hand settled on his thigh, and though he was happy to feel his little girl hugging him and her mama, he really wanted a few more minutes alone with Shelby.
He missed the closeness the second Shelby leaned back, twisted on his lap, and picked up Eliza. “Daddy needs a big hug.”
Eliza settled against his chest between him and Shelby, who wrapped them both up in a hug. “We’re a family, Chase. Maybe it doesn’t look exactly like you want it to yet, but if we keep trying, we’ll get there.”
He held both his girls and sighed with perfect contentment.
If Shelby forgave him for what happened last night, he’d let it go, even if he did worry that it could happen again. When he got lost in nightmares that seemed so real, he didn’t know what he was doing sometimes. But he didn’t want Shelby to pay the price for his messed-up head.
He’d talk to his shrink. Maybe there was something more he could do. He definitely needed more sleep. That alone would help his anxiety, lessen the nightmares, and improve his brain fog and disposition.
Maybe it was time to reevaluate what he was taking and add in the mood stabilizers Dr. Porter had suggested but he’d been reluctant to add to the other meds he took. If they’d help him be more present and focused and get the sleep he desperately needed, he’d take them.
He wasn’t looking to escape this time. He was looking for a nice steady balance in his life. A little normal would go a long way to making him feel good.
Shelby stood, taking Eliza off his lap with her. “Time to get ready to go.”
“I stay with Daddy.” Eliza held her arms out to him.
He wanted to take her immediately, but held Shelby’s gaze. “I wouldn’t mind if she stayed.” He hoped Shelby didn’t either.
“So you two get to have fun while I go to work? Totally not fair, but...” Shelby paused for dramatic effect. “Okay.”
Eliza cheered. “Yay!” She smiled really big when he took her into his arms.
He reached for Shelby’s hand and held it. “Call in sick. Stay with us.”
She squeezed his hand. “I wish I could, but today is one of my busiest days. Back-to-back appointmentsthrough the afternoon.” An apology and regret shone in her eyes.
Chase wished she could stay, but a day with his little girl would kick the funk he sank into this morning. “Then it looks like it’s you and me, sweet girl. What should we do?”
“Play,” Eliza said.
“Sounds good.” He needed a fun day. “But first, we need to finish your room.”
Shelby frowned. “Your back.”
“Is a thousand times better, thanks to you.” He didn’t want her to worry about him. Yes, his back still hurt. It always hurt. But he could deal with the dull ache.
He’d learned to deal with a lot these last many years.
“Are you sure about this?” She meant keeping Eliza for the day.
“Yes. But if you’re worried I can’t handle it...”
Shelby shook her head. “It’s not that. I just thought you might have other things you needed to do today.”
