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Shelby leaned forward. “I appreciate that. I’m so used to doing everything on my own, I just do whatever needs to be done. I realized when you went to rehab that maybe I’d been part of the problem. You were trying to reintegrate yourself here at home and spend time with her. We didn’t set up a specific custody schedule. I didn’t include you in decisions I made for her. I didn’t even ask you to go to her pediatric checkup with me. I treated you like a guest instead of her father.”
He appreciated that she understood where he was coming from and that he had in fact felt like an outsider. But he’d contributed to that and forced Shelby’s hand. “I wasn’t in a good place. You had every right to excludeme from those things and limit my time with her. But I want things to be different this time.”
She stared across at him. “Okay. Let’s start with your plan.”
“I’m going to let you lead with her. She has a routine, I get that, but I want to be included in it.”
Shelby shook her head, making his stomach drop. “No. What isyourplan to stay clean and get better?”
He sat back. “Oh. You think I’m going to relapse.” It stung that she didn’t have faith in him.
“I never said that. You’re still recovering, Chase. Rehab didn’t solve all your problems or eliminate what made you start abusing your meds in the first place. So what is your plan to work on the things that led you to need an escape?”
He appreciated her patience and understanding. “I have a video conference with the psychiatrist Drake recommended twice a week. The shrink at the rehab helped, but I know I need someone to continue the work I started at the center. Dr. Porter is ex-military and works with vets with PTSD. He helped Drake. I’m hoping he can help me.”
“That’s great. I really hope he can assist you in reconciling what you’ve been through. Trauma doesn’t just go away. It fades into the background. But I’m sure you know anything can trigger it when you least expect it, and it feels all too real and present again. You don’t just deal with it once and it’s gone.”
This time he tilted his head and studied her. “What kind of trauma have you suffered?” It sounded like she not only got it, but had been through it.
“We’re not talking about me.” She stuffed a huge bite of garlic bread in her mouth to end that line of conversation.
He dropped it. For now. Because he needed her to know that he was stable enough to be a good father to Eliza, who was using her spaghetti to finger paint swirls on her high chair table.
“Okay, we’ll stick with me. For now. Counseling twice a week. I’m taking my anxiety and depression meds. They help a lot, but we’re still dialing that in to find the right combination so I feel like myself and not... off.” He didn’t know how else to describe it. He didn’t want the side effects to be worse than the cure, but he needed the meds to keep his head on straight. “I learned some meditation techniques at rehab that helped me sleep, but the last couple days, I haven’t done them. I know sleep is important to my overall health and mental state, so I’ll get back to that. If it doesn’t work, over-the-counter sleep aids can do the trick, too. I just don’t want to rely on a drug to get me to sleep.”
“Try some chamomile tea. Limit screen time at night. Exercise helps.”
“I’ll get plenty of that when I start work at the ranch next week.”
Her head whipped back. “What? Really? Your dad didn’t mention that when he ambushed me today.”
“What the...” Chase fell back in his chair and rubbed his hand over the back of his tense neck. “Tell me what happened.”
“It’s not what you think. I mean, I still can’t believe he went from wanting DNA proof Eliza is yours to asking to get to know his granddaughter in a day, but...” She shrugged.
“Wow.” Chase had no idea his dad was this serious about them fixing their broken relationship. So much so that he reached out to Shelby. “I had some doubts after wespoke, but him going to you, asking to be a part of Eliza’s life, I guess he really does want to make things right.”
“It seems that way.” She brushed a stray strand of hair behind her ear. “At least as far as you and Eliza are concerned.”
“What does that mean?”
“It’s obvious your father and brothers don’t think very much of me.”
“They don’t know you the way I do.”
“Oh, I think in some ways they know more than you.”
That got his attention. “What do you mean?” He felt like he was missing something that everyone else knew.
Shelby took a sip of water. “Sorry. I didn’t offer you a drink. Do you want water? A soda? Iced tea?” She always avoided talking about herself.
He just wanted to get to know her. “I want an answer to my question. It feels like you’re purposely not telling me something I should know.”
“Your whole family thinks I tricked you, or lied to you, or whatever, about Eliza. Hunt went out of his way to keep me from getting in touch with you.”
“I know. I’m sorry about that. I should have given you my number that morning before you left.”
“Why? That’s not how one-night stands work. When it’s over, it’s over. No promises or expectations.”
