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That was the second time she’d said it, making him believe she really did care about him as more than just Eliza’s dad.
He closed the distance between them and set his hands on her shoulders. “I’ve got a lot of making up to do. I have a lot to prove. I’m not saying I’m a hundred percent. I know I’m not. After Juliana’s death . . .” He still couldn’t believe she was gone. He didn’t know howto process it, and every time he thought about her and what happened, the depression he’d fought so hard to claw his way out of threatened to take him under again. “I don’t know if I will ever be who I used to be, but I’m working on being the guy you and Eliza need.”
“Chase, let’s face it. All I know about that guy is that he was charming and sad and a little lost but had a world of possibilities waiting for him. What I liked most about him,you, is your strength and determination to do what needs to be done to get to where you want to be. It took a lot of guts and hard work to get through rehab. I know you put in the work. I heard something different and optimistic in your voice when you called to talk to Eliza.”
He turned her to face him. “She’s two, Shelby. Our conversations aremetalking toyou.”
Her eyes went wide with surprise and something else he glimpsed. Then she hid her emotions away before he could really say it was interest.
“You barely give me a chance to have a real conversation with you. You always put Eliza on, which I appreciate, but I needed you to hear that I was working on my shit and I was getting better, so you wouldn’t stop me from seeing my little girl.”
When he arrived home for good, he and Shelby decided they didn’t need to go to court for any sort of legal visitation. Shelby said he could see Eliza anytime he wanted. Since he hadn’t been working, just recovering from his wounds, he stuck to seeing her every weekend and two nights during the week so he didn’t mess up her schedule. But then he started losing track of time, showed up on the wrong night, or didn’t show up at all for days on end. He’d even been stoned enough to show up late at night, pounding on her door, demanding tosee Eliza well after her bedtime. He’d made a fool of himself making passes at Shelby that were sloppy and stupid. She hadn’t taken him seriously.
Drunk and stoned, he was an asshole.
Her eyes pleaded with him to understand. “I hated telling you that you couldn’t see her, but you left me no choice.”
“I know. You had to protect her. And I hate that you had to keep her safe by keeping me away.” He ran his hand over the back of his tense neck. “I’m so damn glad she’s too young to know what happened, how far I fell down the rabbit hole, but I promise you, it won’t happen again.”
“I hope you keep that promise. For your sake, Chase. I don’t want to see you self-destruct again. I didn’t know how to help you. I didn’t think you’d even want my help.” She’d been a quiet, steady presence he could count on.
“You did exactly what I needed you to do and made it clear that if I wanted to hold on to the one thing that actually mattered in my life, I’d have to fight for it.”
“And you did.”
“Yeah. And just when I thought I could come home and we could”—be together, he wanted to say but didn’t because they weren’t there yet, so he went with—“find a way to be a family, everything got messed up. I wasn’t using again,” he swore. “I didn’t OD because I took something.” He needed her to believe him. Unlike his brothers.
She put her hand on his arm, trying to reassure him. “I believe you. You tried to save her, Chase. You did the right thing.” Her gaze fell away. “And I’m so glad you survived.”
He’d come damn close to losing his life. Again.
He thought that was over now that he wasn’t in a war zone, but he’d come damn close while he was using the months he’d been home recovering from his latest set of wounds and adjusting to a new life outside of the military. Then he’d very nearly died trying to save Juliana.
That was one too many close calls.
He came back here because this was where Shelby and Eliza were, but he didn’t feel the kind of peace he needed because he’d still felt adrift while trying to find his place in their lives and his own.
This time, he planned to do better.
And thanks to Shelby’s help, getting him this home and welcoming him back without any hostility or anger for what he’d done in the past, he hoped they could start again and build something together.
He just wished he knew if she wanted to do that with him.
He knew he meant something to her. She’d gone above and beyond getting him this place and revenge on his family. He found that exceedingly hot. No woman he’d ever been with had done something so badass and important to him.
“We better get going. Eliza is waiting for us.”
He stopped her before she exited the room. “Shelby.”
She turned to face him.
“Thank you.”
She gave him one of those shy smiles he loved. “You’re welcome.”
They stared at each other for a moment, something poignant passing between them.
She turned away first, but not before her gaze landed on the bed behind him, then darted away.
