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Not even when they were separated when he was stationed in England during WWII for three years and she only received two letters from him.
Not even when he took a job out of state without discussing it with her and moved her away from her family and everything she knew when they had three children under the age of four.
Not when she almost had to give birth to her third child in the passenger seat of their Cadillac because they ran out of gas on the way to the hospital after he’d promised her that he would keep a full tank because she’d wanted to avoid that very situation.
Not even when she’d had to spend the last five years of his life as a stranger to him because of his dementia.
She’d explained that when she took her vows, when she promised in good times and bad, for better or worse, in sickness and health, till death do they part, she’d meant it. Not because of any religious or moral reason, but because he was it for her. He was hers forever. And if anyone ever asked her how she knew, how she’d been so sure, so unwavering, she always gave the same answer.
She said that it had never been a choice. They were connected. Not two individuals, but one. She said when she looked into his eyes her heart found its home. She belonged with him.
As romantic and sweet as that sentiment was, growing up Nate had always believed that it was just talk. He never questioned that Nana believed it to be true, but reality was not a fairytale. That was until Eliza Young had walked into science class. That was how he’d felt then and it was still how he felt now.
And as hard as he tried to change it, deny it or avoid it, he was beginning to see that Nana had been right. It wasn’t a choice. When he looked into Eliza’s eyes his heart found its home, and apparently he did not have the power to evict it.
“You know you don’t have to do this for my benefit,” Bailey commented as she leaned back slightly so she could see his face.
“You don’t want to dance?” Nate didn’t care if they danced or not, he liked dancing but he was getting absolutely zero enjoyment out of anything tonight.
She grinned and shook her head slightly. “I’m not talking about dancing.”
“What are you talking about?” Part of what he liked about Bailey was that she always said what she meant and meant what she said. She didn’t play games. She never expected him to read her mind.
It was refreshing.
“I’m talking about the reason that you’ve been distracted all night. Just go talk to her. Don’t be chivalrous on my account.”
It didn’t surprise him that Bailey had picked up on the fact that he’d been distracted. She was very perceptive and in tune to what people were feeling. It was part of what made her so good at what she did. Her bedside manners were unparalleled. She not only made her patients comfortable, she also put their families at ease during one of the most stressful, scary times of their lives. On the whole, surgeons were cold and detached. They had to be to do their job. From what he’d observed the truly great ones were distant and impersonal. But somehow Bailey managed to keep the human aspect of what she did and be brilliant in the operating room. It was truly impressive.
“It’s not just you,” he answered honestly. There was no reason to get into all of it with her. He and Bailey had grown close, but he wouldn’t be admitting that to anyone.
“Okay. If you say so.” Her eyes narrowed slightly but she once again rested her head on his shoulder as they glided across the floor to Frank Sinatra’s “The Way You Look Tonight.”
He watched as Eliza made her way back to her table and she smiled at someone who waved at her and a warmth spread through him. It was like this song was a soundtrack to his life. He knew that the memory of her in that dress, her soft pink lips, the chestnut waves of hair that fell around her face would be forever etched in his mind. He would always remember the way she looked tonight and no matter how cold the world was it would make him feel warm.
“I think we should go to Whisper Lake separately,” Bailey stated calmly but with finality as they swayed to the music.
They’d planned on heading up there Friday morning and coming back Sunday. Nate was going to drive so Bailey could catch up on sleep because she had a surgery scheduled the day before. “Did you need to leave later? We can go Saturday morning. I won’t be back in town until Friday morning anyway. I could use a day to catch up on things before heading up there.”
Nate had finally finished wrapping up the cyber security assignment that he’d been working on and his next assignment was as part of a three-man team guarding an informant that had been in WITSEC but his location and identity had been compromised. He would be out of town starting tomorrow morning and not arrive back until the day before the wedding.
While Nate had appreciated being included in Brian’s wedding party, he didn’t feel like his presence would be missed, especially since it was so large. On Friday night they were having a rehearsal dinner and then the next morning the guys were going out on the lake while the girls got ready, but he was sure Brian would understand if he was unable to go to those activities as long as he made it in time for the ceremony.
“No, it’s not that. I just think it would be better if we go there separately. As single people. This, us, has been great. But I think it’s time that we were really just friends. No benefits.”
Nate didn’t want Bailey to get the wrong idea. It was true that he had feelings for Eliza, but there was no future there. They weren’t going to be together. “It’s not what you think. There’s nothing going on between us.”
Unless you count unrequited love.
Her full lips pulled up in a knowing smile. “Maybe not physically. But that’s just a technicality. You, my friend, are not single anymore. I mean you’ve always been unavailable, emotionally at least. Which honestly was part of what attracted me to you. I knew there was no chance of you wanting something I couldn’t give you. We had fun and we had great chemistry.” She smiled and there was a spark in her eye. Things had always been fun between them in the bedroom. “And it never bothered me that even when we were together your heart was somewhere else since that was never the part of your anatomy I was interested in. I deal with enough hearts in the operating room, the last thing I wanted was to deal with yours. But…” she sighed. “Now that I have a face to put to where it’s been, I can’t do this. It’s not fair to her, to you or to me.”
Bailey was an extraordinary woman. Not only was she one of the most beautiful people he’d ever seen and could put any model walking the runway to shame, she was also brilliant, articulate, talented, funny, honest and caring. But all of that paled in comparison to what he believed was her most incredible trait, her insight. Most people looked at things through a filter of their own experience, whether they wanted to or not. Somehow, Bailey just saw things for how they were in a non-personal way. Not like she was a robot or anything, she had feelings, she just didn’t make anyone else responsible for them.
She truly was amazing and he’d always be grateful for not only the time they’d spent together, but also just the opportunity to know her.
She leaned back into him, resting against his shoulder and he kissed the top of her head as he tightened his arms around her for their last dance. Literally and metaphorically. “Do you know how much easier my life would be if I was in love with you?”
“Right?!” She sighed in commiseration. “If you were the one for me, life would be so much easier.”
The way she’d said it made him think there was someone that was right for her. Not in theory, but in reality. A man that she knew she should be with, but for some reason wasn’t. Nate wasn’t going to push her to talk about it. If she wanted to tell him, he knew that she would. They may not be everything to each other, but she knew he would always be there for her, and he had the same confidence about her.
As they moved together to the music, his eyes did a scan of the room and slowed in the area of Eliza’s table, just like he’d been doing all night. But unlike every other time, he didn’t see her there. Mrs. Lewis’ seat was empty as well.
His heart sank. She was gone and he hadn’t even said goodbye, or hello for that matter. It was a conscious choice but that didn’t make it any easier. And now he was going to be out of town for the next two weeks. He most likely wouldn’t see her until the wedding.
Before Monday, he hadn’t seen her in ten years, but now the thought of not seeing her for two weeks seemed unbearable. Bailey had been right. He wasn’t single or available…and he didn’t know what to do about it.
