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Chapter 7
Eliza rolled her head from side to side like a fighter entering the ring as she exited the exam room after seeing her second-to-last patient of the day. For the past eight hours she’d done her absolute best to keep a rein on her thoughts and feelings. She hadn’t let herself indulge in daydreaming, obsessing, dissecting or examining the exchange that she’d had with Nate this morning.
All she had to do was get through a filling on Mr. Potter and she could finally go to her office, shut the door and have the nervous breakdown that she felt she deserved. If the emotional roller coaster that she’d been on all day was any indication, when she finally let herself think about and feel everything that Nate had said this morning, there was going to be Alexander Skarsgard level swooning, pig-like squealing, it’s-my-party-so-I’ll-cry-if-I-want-to tears, and maybe a little (a lot) of cursing that would make a sailor proud.
She’d thought getting through yesterday had been difficult after her surprise reunion with Nate had left her more shook up than Elvis. Turns out it was a walk in the park compared to today, which felt more like the Chicago Marathon, but the finish line was in sight.
Pasting on a wide smile, she turned the corner and greeted Mr. Potter, her elementary school piano teacher, who she would never have recognized if she hadn’t already known who he was. What used to be a full head of thick hair was now thinning. His large, onyx eyes were no longer hidden behind thick-framed glasses. And he was at least a hundred pounds lighter than he’d been when he’d spent hours upon hours patiently instructing a girl that had absolutely zero musical ability.
When she’d scanned his chart earlier she’d seen in his medical history that he’d undergone both lap band and Lasik surgery, so she’d prepared herself that he may not look like the Mr. Potter that she’d known and loved, but the transformation was still shocking to witness.
“Hello, there stranger. Welcome home.” His voice sounded the same and his cheery demeanor somehow seemed even cheerier.
“Hello, Mr. Potter.” Her smile felt more natural as she slid into the stool next to him. “Thanks, it’s nice to be back.”
Before she started working on his left second bicuspid, the two caught up and she tried to be present and stay in the moment, but her heart kept trying to drag her away like she was Liam Neeson’s daughter in Taken. She silently demanded the captors of her attention to stop. Don’t think about that now. Stop. It.
Thankfully, once the procedure began her mind focused effortlessly on the task at hand like it had all day when she was actually working. Martha assisted her and the filling took about five minutes. She stood, removed her gloves, said goodbye to Mr. Potter and walked as fast as she could to her office.
Common sense would dictate that she go home before having her mini-meltdown. The problem was that her condo was about a ten-minute walk and honestly, she didn’t think she could hang on that long. Maybe she should feel ridiculous for that, but she didn’t. Not in the slightest.
How in the world was a girl supposed to hear all of the things that she had this morning, from the man that she’d wished was hers since she’d still been in braces, and not completely lose it? Perhaps a better woman than she would’ve been able to logically and unemotionally process the events, but this little teapot was at a boiling point and steam needed to be released. The last thing she wanted was for her emotional outburst to happen in public. No one needed to witness what was about to go down.
So, the office it was. There was a low hum of activity and she thought that since the staff was still here, she’d just have to take Elmer Fudd’s advice and be very, very, quiet. She grinned to herself at the thought and thankfully, Sako was passing her in the hall so she didn’t look like the crazy person she was feeling like. He smiled back completely oblivious to the storm of emotions that were whipping through her.
When she finally made it to her destination, she already had tears in her eyes as she closed the door and leaned against it. Farmer, who had been asleep in his dog bed lifted his head and ambled towards her. She slid down the door and landed with a soft thud on the floor just as Farmer made it to her.
She wrapped her arms around him and leaned into his fur as she closed her eyes and finally let herself feel everything that she’d been pushing down inside of her all day.
There was a hefty dose of happiness in the mix. That speech he’d made was exactly the kind of thing that she’d thought only happened in romance novels and movies. Not in real life and certainly not in her life.
She wished she could remember it all verbatim, but she’d been in such a state of shock she’d only been able to retain a highlight reel. She closed her eyes and let it play in her memory now.
You deserve a man that sees you. Not just how unbelievably sexy, adorably cute, and heart-stoppingly beautiful you are every second of every day which you are totally unaware of and that naivety only adds to.
You deserve a man that knows that when you’re nervous you rub your thumb along the pads of your fingers, so he’ll know when to put his arm around you and tell you that everything is going to be okay.
You need a man that goes to bed every night and wakes up every morning in awe that you’re by his side.
A man that can only see you, your smile, your eyes. Only hear your laugh, your sighs, your words.
In high school Nate used to drop compliment bombs on her all the time, never knowing the damage that he caused. But he’d never said anything like this. This morning was on a different level. Just one of the things he said would’ve made her day, her week, her month, her year…but all together…his sentiments had made her life.
She cried and laughed as she snuggled Farmer closer to her. The weight of the words sunk into her as tears fell down her cheeks. She ran the memory of him saying those words on a loop. They were beautiful. They were poetic. They were heartbreaking. Hearing them had been like a dream come true and a nightmare all in one. He’d made her feel happier, more loved and more seen than she ever had in her life. And at the same time she felt sadder, more alone and more empty than she ever had, too.
More than just her bad track record with men, she knew that Nate’s speech had just hammered the last nail in the coffin of her dead love life. Who would ever be able to compete with those words? With the sincerity that was behind them?
For ten years she’d felt so guilty about her last night with Neil. Felt so ashamed. So embarrassed.
As the years went on she’d convinced herself that the feelings that she’d had for Nate had been totally one-sided. She’d blamed herself for the fantasy world that she’d built with him as her knight in shining armor, her prince, her soulmate, her one true love. But now…now she knew that hadn’t been the whole story. He was also her King of Mixed Signals.
Her crush may have been unrequited, but he’d certainly fueled the flame that was burning for him. Today was proof of that.
She rubbed Farmer’s head as she asked, “Who says those kinds of things and yet has no intention of following through with being the man that they’re describing. The man I deserve?!”
Farmer’s response came in a sigh that puffed out his jowls as he flopped down and laid his large head in her lap.
Eliza didn’t need any canine assistance to answer her own question. She knew the answer. A cruel person who was playing games does that. But Nate wasn’t cruel. He was one of the kindest, most generous people she knew and she also knew that he would never intentionally play games with her. There was only one reasonable explanation for his behavior. It had to be unintentional. Like some kind of genius-short-circuit in his brain.
