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“I’m so sorry. I know this is a stupid question, but are you okay?”
“I’m fine.” She snuggled in closer to him.
That wasn’t true, she wasn’t fine, but he didn’t want to push her. If she wanted to talk, he would listen. If not, he had to respect that. From the little bit he knew of her life, she’d had to handle things on her own, alone. All he could do was be there for her and hope to earn her trust so that she would realize she didn’t have to do that anymore. She wasn’t alone.
As he continued rubbing her back, he noticed that his own breathing had slowed to match hers as they laid together, inhaling and exhaling slowly in and out in perfect sync. Just like when they’d made love, it was like their bodies knew each other, like they had their own silent language.
Time suspended as they lay in silence. Ace knew that this was what everyone searched for. It was intimacy. True intimacy. He would do anything to protect it and to protect her.
He wanted to tell her how he was feeling but knew it had to wait. She needed rest. When he was sure that she’d fallen asleep he closed his own eyes.
Before he drifted to sleep, he heard her continuing, “Or at least I should be fine. I didn’t know him, not really. I hadn’t seen him since I was six. He was nothing to me. He left. He didn’t want any part of this family. I shouldn’t care that he’s gone. So then, why do I?” Her voice shook and he looked down to discover tears falling down her cheek. “He doesn’t deserve me being sad. He doesn’t deserve any tears over losing him.”
“You’re right. He doesn’t, but you do.” Ace tightened his hold on her, hoping that she would feel his strength, his support. “You deserve to grieve. Your father chose not to be a part of your family, not you. You didn’t decide that you wanted to grow up without a dad. That choice was made for you. I’m sure that you always wished that he’d have made a different choice. That he’d have chosen you and your brother and sister.
“Maybe that’s what you’re grieving. Maybe you’re not crying over the loss of a man you didn’t know and didn’t deserve you. Maybe you’re crying over the loss of hope in that wish ever coming true.”
Her only response was a nod of her head against his chest as a sob escaped her. Ace ran his fingers through her hair and rubbed her back as she cried. He resisted the intense urge to tell her that everything was going to be okay or to try to fix it. He remembered his Grandma Lulu used to say that having a good cry was the best therapy in the world. She used to say that a lot of people could be a good sounding board, but few knew how to be a good crying board. She’d said that one of the greatest gifts her late husband had given her was a shoulder to cry on. He wanted to give that gift to Stephanie even if seeing her this upset, this devastated, broke his heart into a million pieces.
When her tears finally subsided, she lifted her head as she wiped beneath her eyes. “I’m so sorry. I can’t believe I did that.”
“You don’t have anything to apologize for.” He brushed a stray piece of hair that was stuck to her damp cheek off her face and tucked it behind her ear.
Her red-rimmed eyes were filled with wonder as she sniffed. “I think that you missed your calling.”
“Really?”
“Yeah, instead of being a professional badass, maybe you should’ve been a therapist.”
He loved that he never knew what Stephanie was going to say next. A smile tugged at his lips. “Professional badass?”
“That’s what it says on your cards, right?” she teased. “Need protection? For a professional call one eight hundred B-A-D-A-S-S.”
He laughed, but immediately regretted it when pain surged through him. His jaw locked and he hissed as he sucked in a sharp breath. Stephanie started to pull away from him, but he held her in place. “Where do you think you’re going?”
“I don’t want to hurt you.”
“You’re not.”
She hesitated briefly, searching his eyes, before lying back down. Just as they were getting settled he heard a buzz of vibration beside him. He turned his head to the left and saw his phone, lighting up on the nightstand. He hadn’t noticed it before. Stephanie must’ve plugged it into a charger.
“It’s been ringing a lot,” she explained. “I wasn’t sure if I should answer it. I didn’t know if there was someone I needed to call.”
He looked at the number. “It’s just my brother.”
She started to get up again, but again he held her in place. Confusion swirled in her golden brown stare. “Don’t you want to get it?”
“No.” The buzzing stopped and he admitted, “I haven’t talked to my parents or brother for over six months.”
“Oh.”
She didn’t ask why, but he could hear the question in her voice. Ace was a private person. It took him years before he trusted someone, and even then he only did to a certain extent. But, Stephanie was different. He wanted her to know him. All of him.
The only way that was ever going to happen was if he let her in. It was scary because he already knew she had the power to obliterate him. But he’d never let fear stop him in the past and he wasn’t going to start now.
He took a deep breath and started talking. He told her about his childhood. How he never felt like he fit in with his parents’ socialite lifestyle. How he and his brother were never close. He told her about his Grandma Lulu and how close they were, what an important person she’d been in his life. He told her how devastated he’d been when he’d lost her. He told her about joining the Marines instead of going to an Ivy League school like his parents had wanted. He told her about Kendall. How they’d run into each other in Vegas and gotten engaged. He told her about the infamous Facetime call. He told her about the magazine article where his parents were quoted as saying they thought Kendall and Grant were perfect for each other and that she had ultimately made the right choice in brothers.
Unlike Tank, who wanted Ace to kick his brother’s ass, she didn’t judge him or his family. She just listened and added insights that he never would’ve considered. She made him see things in ways he never would’ve. They talked and talked and talked.
When they finished and were all talked out, a wave of exhaustion pulled him under its grip and his side throbbed painfully, but it was worth it. He’d never felt closer to another person.
Seeing his discomfort, Stephanie placed the back of her hand on his forehead, presumably checking for a fever. “You should get some rest. Let me get your pain medicine.”
“No.” He knew that it was time to take it again, but he didn’t want it. “I don’t need it.”
He thought for a moment she was going to argue with him, but instead she just laid her head back on his chest. As he ran his fingers through her hair he inhaled the fruity and fresh scent that wafted through the air. She snuggled closer to him and he was reminded again that this was all he needed. That all he needed was her.
