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1
VANESSA
The wind whips my hair around as Sherrie gets out of the car. Sweat drips down my forehead, and I take in the other houses on the block, hoping this is a good neighborhood for my daughter. The light blue cottage with white shutters and a black front door isn’t what I would’ve picked, but it’s all my budget affords. My daughter and I are starting all over, and until recently, I never had to worry about things like paying rent, buying groceries, or making a car payment. I’m not some spoiled rich girl that comes from money either.
Sherrie has expressed no concern over us moving out of her dad’s house, but I’m sure it’s coming. The first night is usually the hardest, and I’m not prepared to answer any questions. Standing here, though, it’s official. The last ten years are behind me, and I’m single again. It scares me to even think about it. Starting over, moving into this little two-bedroom house with Sherrie is making things surreal. I never would have pictured myself as being a single mother, but sometimes things don’t work out how you want. Life happens and throws us curve balls. It’s up to us to forge our own path.
Leaving a long-term relationship is always difficult, no matter the circumstances, but ten years is a long time to be with someone. It will be an adjustment getting used to being alone, but it offers up far more opportunities. There are many things I need to work out about myself and why I let a relationship go on ten years without speaking up for myself. That’s the kicker.
The moving truck roars down the street and pulls over along the curb. There isn’t enough room in the driveway. Four men get out of the vehicle and the driver goes to the back and discharges the ramp.
“Are you ready for us to start, ma’am?” he asks, before removing anything.
The white gate around the house opens when I unlatch, and Sherrie and Tina follow behind. The front yard isn’t huge, but it’s decent, with a walkway up to the steps that leads up to the porch. The man is standing at the back of the truck. I’m going to move at my pace. Tina and I saunter up the stairs, and then put the key in the door and twist. Sherrie pushes the door open and runs inside.
“Don’t run!”
There is no decor on the walls, and it’s hardwood throughout, from what I can see. I prefer no carpet. After watching a video one time with a microscopic image of how much nastiness they leave in carpets, even after cleaning them regularly, I want no part in it.
Not even seventy-two hours ago, the entire course of my life changed with just one conversation. Lee isn’t a bad man, and it’s not all his fault. I’m adult enough to admit we are both responsible for our relationship falling apart. What concerns me the most is how Sherrie is going to take it. Lee and I plan on sitting down with her tomorrow to explain the situation. Our only concern is for her to be aware that it’s not her fault. I never hoped to have my child grow up in separate homes.
Staring at the empty beige walls in the living room reminds me of a blank canvas, just waiting to be turned into a masterpiece. Everyone envisions their house differently. Some say I have an eye for design, but I only dabble. Time just never allowed me to make it a career. My priority is Sherrie and always will be.
The built-in shelves for an entertainment center are perfect and that’s one thing marked off my list to buy. Once all the furniture is in place, the list will dwindle down.
The movers start bringing things in, and we try to stay out of the way. Tina is clearly enjoying the view, and can’t say I blame her. It’s not a sin to stare, but she would never cheat on her husband. They have had their fair shares of problems, but doesn’t any couple? The only thing matters is they are happy.
“You can put the kitchen boxes on the island,” I say.
The house has top notch Stainless Steel appliances and a nice sized granite island. It’s the centerpiece of the kitchen that really makes it pop with speckles of blue and gold, and compliments the backsplash while bringing the entire room together.
At the previous house, I spent a majority of my time at home in the kitchen, on a humongous island, baking goodies for Sherrie’s softball fundraisers or school parties. I wouldn’t say I’m the best baker, but Sherrie enjoys helping. It’s something we bond over and have a little bit of fun. It is one joy of being a mother. Getting to be the one to put a smile on your little one’s face. "Which room is mine?” Sherrie asks, standing at the end of the hallway, with a door on both sides of her.
“The one on the right, sweetie.”
I walk down the hallway, and open my bedroom door, and imagine a king-sized bed against the far wall, and the window letting the natural light in as I wake up every morning. Tina walks in after me, and takes it in. It’s smaller than I’m used to, but it’ll do. The attached bathroom has a tub and a shower, and the closet has built-ins for all my clothes and shoes. The closets are my favorite thing about this house other than the windows.
Tina follows me back outside to finish bringing boxes in from the car, and putting them in their respective rooms. It’s going to take a couple days to unpack, and get everything where it belongs. I moved around a lot as a kid, to a different house every year, and hope I manage to keep this house for a while. Sherrie needs a stable living environment and I plan to give that to her.
Tina hasn’t once asked about the break-up, but it’s coming. A ten-year relationship has ended, and we didn’t take it lightly, but I need to be careful what I say around Sherrie. The problems between her father and I are just that. Kids always think it’s something they’ve done to tear their parents apart, and Sherrie will need reassurance that she is not the cause.
The house we lived in with Lee across town is similar to this one, except it had more bedrooms and square footage. Lee did offer to help me, but I think of this as a fresh start and want to do it by myself. It’s one thing if he wants to help with things involving Sherrie, but putting a roof over my head is not acceptable.
Like I said, he’s a nice guy, and doesn’t want me to struggle, but maybe I need to. Being attached to him for so long has caused me to lose touch with the world. So many people struggle to make ends meet, and from a young twenty-year-old, Lee has always taken good care of me. It’s time for me to learn how to be independent.
Lee and I spent too many years being complacent towards each other, but like many other couples do, we stayed together for our child. Complacency isn’t something I want in a relationship. The minute you stop speaking your mind, and fighting for what you want, is the moment things are going to start downhill. Relationships take work and compromise. Finally, we agreed that we both deserved better. Too bad it took ten years. Lee isn’t the person I’m meant to be with, but now I have a chance of being happy with someone else.
I head back outside to grab another box, and Tina is leaning up against the car.
“What?”
She crosses her arms. “Are you going to tell me what’s going on? What happened between you two? This is insane.”
After being best friends for almost fifteen years, we talk about almost everything, but discussing my relationships with her isn’t typical. So, it makes sense this is a shock. Tina always said that we were #couplegoals. I guess we are just very good at putting on a show for others.
The separation gives me the opportunity to process what I want out of a partner and it’s important that I do so before engaging in a conversation with Tina. She is trying to look out for me, and it’s sweet, but right now I don’t have all the answers.
She grabs a box and follows after me. “I’m just saying. You just had dinner with Aaron and me two weeks ago, and you guys were fine.”
