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Chapter Twenty-six
Blue
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When I woke up thismorning I felt like I had been run over by a truck. My body hurt in places I didn’t know it could hurt and I had the mother of all hangovers. Correction –have. I have the mother of all hangovers – present tense.
I stayed the night at Hannah’s, though I don’t remember when or how we got here. Most of the night is a bit of a blur. I’m sure the copious amounts of alcohol I consumed has something to do with that.
All I know is that when I stumbled out into her living room after ten this morning, she was waiting on me with donuts and coffee. My first indicator that something was amiss.
Slowly, I remembered bits and pieces of the night. I remember being at the bar with Hannah. I remember my revelation and making a fool of myself as I screamed it to anyone that would listen. And I rememberher...
Tears prick the backs of my eyes just thinking about it.
Hannah filled me in on the rest.
The next bar. The shots. The tears. Me puking out the Uber car’s window.
Not my finest moment, I’ll admit. But again, this is what love does to me. This is why I wrote it off all those years ago. This is why I refused to acknowledge my feelings for Harris even when I knew the truth. Because of how I feel right now.
I showered at Hannah’s. I had no choice. My hair was matted to the side of my head, my clothes had vomit on them, and I had more mascara on my face than on my eye lashes. And while Hannah is a size smaller than me, she was able to rustle up a pair of yoga pants and an old Red Sox t-shirt for me to wear home.
I nearly burst into tears when she laid it on the bed for me. It was impossible not to think about Harris. Every time I look down all I can think about is the baseball game he took me to and how that night was kind of like our beginning.
Dragging myself up the stairs toward my apartment, I’m not sure what hurts worse – my body or my heart.
It’s my fault. I know that. Maybe that’s the hardest part. Knowing that I had him and gave him away. What did I expect? Had the roles been reversed, I can’t say I wouldn’t have done the exact same thing. Unfortunately, that doesn’t make the bitter pill go down any easier.
When I turn the corner to enter my hallway, I’m momentarily stunned by the sight of Harris sitting in front of my apartment, his head dropped back against the door as he sleeps.
I take a moment to study him. The curve of his face. The way his hair falls over his eyes in that sexy way I love. His rumpled clothing that I know for a fact he was wearing yesterday.
Wait...
How long has he been here?
I stand motionless for a long moment, not sure what my next move should be. Do I turn around and leave, hoping that when I return he’s gone? Do I face him, knowing that after everything that’s transpired there’s no way for us to be together?
I’m still weighing my options when Harris’ eyes flutter open and lock directly on my face.
“I was beginning to think you weren’t ever coming home.” His voice is thick with sleep, or lack thereof.
“I’d be lying if I said I hadn’t considered it,” I admit, having considered a lot of things over the last twenty-four hours. One of which involved me jumping in my car and driving as far away as I could.
“What changed your mind?” he asks, shoving his hair away from his face as he stands.
“I’m not sure it has changed.”
“And yet here you are.”
“Here I am.” I shrug.
“Blue, about last night.”
I hold my hand up to stop him. “No offense, Harris, but I really don’t want to know.” I step past him and shove my key into the lock, popping it open seconds later.
“It’s not what you think.” He follows me inside without me inviting him.
