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“Do you know for sure that the baby isn’t mine?”
“Well, no but...”
“So there’s still a chance it could be.”
“There’s an even bigger chance that it’s not,” I argue.
“I don’t care,” he provides as his gaze comes back to mine. “I don’t care who the father is. It doesn’t change how I feel about you.”
“Harris, I...”
“No, Blue. I mean it. It’s not an ideal situation, I’ll admit. But that doesn’t mean we can’t make it work. We can be happy. Me, you,” he gestures to my belly, “the baby. No matter who the father is.” He smiles. “I know we can be.”
What the hell is he saying? Is he seriously volunteering to raise a child that might not be his?
“No.” The one word falls from my lips in defeat. I thought he’d run. I thought he’d learn about the baby and that would be the end. Everything would take care of itself. But now. Now I have to be the one to cut the string even though doing so feels impossible.
“No?” he questions.
“We can’t be happy.” I barely get the words out past the knot of nerves balling in my throat. “We can’t be happy because I don’t love you.”
“Yes you do,” he interjects.
“No,” I say softly. “I don’t. I think you’re an amazing man and I’ve enjoyed our time together so much more than I thought I would, but I don’t want this. I don’t want this baby, and Harris, I don’t want you.”
“You’re just scared.”
“Stop telling me how I feel.” My temper flares again. It’s easier to be mad than admit to myself what I’m truly feeling. “This isn’t something I just decided. This is who I am. I’m not cut out to be someone’s wife or mother and I don’t want to be. I don’t want any of those things. Don’t you get it? I don’t want this.” I gesture between the two of us. “The deal was if I didn’t fall in love with you after four weeks, you’d leave me alone forever. It’s been four weeks as of today.”
“So you’re telling me you want me to leave you alone, forever? You might be carrying my child!”
“It’s not yours.” I shake my head. “And even if it is, it’s not like we’d magically morph into some happy family. You and I are over. The bet is done and now I expect you to honor the terms you set.”
“How do you expect me to do that? I can’t shut this off. I can’t forget how it feels to be with you, to hold you, to love you. I can’t pretend like this never happened.”
“You’re going to have to.”
“Blue, please don’t do this.”
“I need you to leave.” I back up toward the door, pulling it open when I reach it.
“Please.” The desperation in his voice nearly breaks me.
“I need you to leave,” I repeat, mustering every ounce of strength I have to fight back the tears that have been threatening to spill over since he walked inside my apartment.
This is the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do.
So then why are you doing it?
I silence the small voice in my head. I can’t work out thewhyright now. All I know is that Ihaveto do this. I can’t explain it or even begin to understand it. I just know it’s what I need to do.
Harris stands there staring at me for what feels like an eternity. I can tell I’m breaking his heart. I know the feeling because I feel like I’m breaking my own, too.
I want to beg him to stay. To forget everything I said and go back to the way things were a few short days ago. But as he steps past me, his shoulders slouched in defeat, I do none of those things. Instead, I watch him walk away, knowing full well that I just let go of the best thing that has ever happened to me.
