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The sound of the x-ray machine is background noise to the chaos going on inside my head. Everything is jumbled and moving way too quickly.
It isn’t until the nurse begins rolling me back to the ER that some semblance of my brain begins to work normally again. And I have the first clear thought that I’ve managed to process since the wordpregnantcame into play.
“Can we not tell the man I came with?” I look up at her aging face just in time to see confusion cross it. “About the pregnancy,” I tack on.
“Of course. We won’t discuss the details of your condition without your permission. The doctor won’t mention it when he comes in to speak to you as it doesn’t pertain to your injury.”
“Can you make sure?” I push past the lump in my throat. “Can you make sure he knows not to mention it?”
She gives me an understanding nod. “Of course.”
I turn my gaze forward again, trying to focus on my breathing as we approach the curtain that Harris is sitting on the other side of. I need to try to find a way to seem completely normal, or at least until I have a chance to figure all this out.
“Hey.” Harris looks up from his phone and smiles as the nurse rolls me back into the room. “How’d it go?”
“It was fine.” I shrug, unable to make eye contact.
“She did great,” the nurse speaks up, locking the wheelchair as Harris stands and helps me back into bed. “The doctor should be in soon to go over the results with you,” she tells me, patting the top of my leg. “Is there anything I can get you in the meantime?” she asks, waiting until I’m positioned in bed before propping a couple of pillows under my injured ankle.
How about a plane ticket and a few thousand dollars so I can run away and never come back?I think to myself. As if that would somehow solve everything.
“No, I’m good. Thank you.”
“Okay.” She smiles, wheeling the empty wheelchair out of the room seconds later.
“How are you feeling? Still in a lot of pain?” Harris settles onto the edge of the bed, his body angled toward me.
“I’m okay.” I shrug. “I just really hope it isn’t broken and that I don’t need crutches.” I pick at a loose string on my t-shirt.
“Well even if you do, you’ll manage.” He smiles. “Between me and Hannah, we’ll have you covered.”
I resist the urge to point out that after this Fridayhewon’t be around to help me, but deciding now is not the time or place, I bite my tongue.
I’m not sure why I’m taking this bet so seriously. Haven’t we moved past it at this point? He’s made it clear he’s not playing a game and truthfully, neither am I. So why is it that I’m still so hell bent on seeing this bet through?
Why can’t I enjoy our time together and let life take us wherever we end up? Why can’t I give him my heart the way any other sane woman already would have? Why am I fighting this so damn hard?
Deep down I think I know the answer but for some reason I won’t let myself admit it, even to myself.
After James, what I wanted in life changed. That happens, right? You start out wanting one thing but with each path you take things change. And before you know it you want something completely different. I’m allowed to change my mind.
And you’re allowed to change it again...
I shake off the thought.
Yes, things seem great with Harris now. But if we keep this going, who knows where we’ll be in a month, or six months, or two years for that matter. Harris may want me now, but something tells me it would take a lot more than an average Jane like me to hold his attention for long.
I can’t let myself open up to be hurt again. It doesn’t matter how I feel when I’m with him. Nothing is going to change my mind.
Love is a void. It will take and take and take until there’s nothing left. I’ve let love win before and look where that’s gotten me. I won’t be so careless again. I can’t be.
And now there’s a baby involved.The thought resurfaces and hits me like a ton of bricks to the face. I swing my legs over the side of the bed, fearful that I’m about to throw up.
“Whoa.” Harris jumps up, his hand going to my back. “Are you okay? What’s going on?”
“I think I’m going to be sick,” I tell him, sliding out of the bed.
The instant my feet hit the floor a searing pain shoots through my leg. I quickly pull the weight off my left leg and begin to hobble toward the door.
