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Darrow nodded and drew his gaze away from that horrid place.
Nadia’s braid had fallen over her shoulder in the wind and she pulled it away to hang down her back. “You seemed fixated on that. Kassemyr obviously hated it.”
“It was one of the few things that kept me grounded, strange as that may sound. I was crazy back then. Mad, confused, in pain. Absolutely insane. But that, you disregarding someone you cared about … I couldn’t fathom it. It wasn’t like you, despite what Kassemyr had turned me into.”
“Darrow,” she said, feeling the moment close around her. She’d wanted an answer to this for nearly a decade. “What happened to you? Why did he choose you?”
“No reason. Nothing other than me being in the wrong place at the wrong time. He felt a deep seethed grudge toward Nightworth. They never chose him as a leader, despite fearing him. But vamps are simple creatures, and though he was far more intelligent than any of them, they feared brute strength even more. As far as I understand, one night, he was more outraged than usual. Naeris had slighted him in some way. He’d been thinking about hybrids for some time and I happened to walk past Jade Mansion that night. I didn’t know a vamp lived there. I don’t remember much of what happened. Werewolves and vampires should not inhabit the same body. What followed, well, you know what followed, Nad.”
She nodded. “Which is why you can never live in peace here in Agartha. You did kill people.”
Darrow made no attempt to deny that. “Yes. I hardly remember it. It was a fog in my head, but I’ve been told of what happened. Back then, I couldn’t control the vampiric side. That hunger for blood was all-consuming. You have no idea.”
“And now?”
“I gained control of that beast years ago.”
She had noticed he never shifted into his vampiric form unless necessary, seeming to prefer his lupine form. His birthright.
“Before he died,” Nadia went on, “Kassemyr said it was a mistake for you to remain too long in the Earthside Realm. What did he mean by that?” She hadn’t understood his words then, but the question had stuck with her.
“That’s how I healed. I was so far gone, even Kassemyr knew I needed help he couldn’t provide in Agartha. There’s no magic in that realm. It suppressed both sides in me, allowing my human side to breathe. Slowly, I pieced my mind back together, only venturing into other realms to test my control. It took time. That’s why I only came back recently. I didn’t know about the other hybrids. Only Kamra, and despite her willingness to kill randomly for Kassemyr, she was fairly in control too.”
Nadia saw him bristle at the thought of the other hybrid who’d murdered his mother. “I know. I saw your face when they showed up after the attack. But if you hated Kassemyr so much, then why did you stay?”
He outright laughed at that. “And where was I supposed to go? No realm welcomes hybrids. Everyone treated me like a monster. Saw me as nothing but a beast that needed to be slaughtered. Insane and broken. Even you did that.”
“I did,” she admitted. “I have called you tainted, fractured, mad, a monster, an abomination … broken. Now, I only think that last one is true. And I mean no harm by that. Only the truth. You were a broken being, harmed by a mad creature and then made to pay for it. I am sorry, Darrow for all that I have said to hurt you. If you had been met with a little kindness, you might have truly had a choice, somewhere to go. But we were all set in our ways of seeing vamps and weres. It wasn’t right, and I am truly sorry.”
Darrow stared at her, and she could do nothing but let him, hoping he’d see the sincerity of her words. The wind tore at her clothes, making her cold, but it didn’t matter.
“Thanks,” he said and released her from his scrutiny. “And at any rate, you were right.”
“About what?”
“Keeping the child from me. If I had known, I would have taken her with me and raised her in Kassemyr’s world.” Nadia swallowed hard, still fearful of that thought. Darrow scoffed and looked at the sky a moment, shaking his head. “I would likely have had Kass promise me to turn her. That’s how beholden I became to his teachings. He was the only one who didn’t shun me. So, yes. You did the right thing.”
Nadia nodded. That was why he’d let Nell be the day he found out about her. He’d already begun doubting Kassemyr by then. Nadia sighed. At least her loneliness and lies had been worth it all along. “The Queen has ordered me to remove you from Agartha,” she told him.
“Remove me?”
“She’s banished you,” she clarified.
“Only banished, huh?”
“You did help kill Kassemyr. It was seen. They now also know that you weren’t the true terror of Agartha. At least not this time around.”
His brows flew up. “You told them that?”
“I did. And some of the donors confirmed it. They were rather shocked at the turn of events. But not sad to see Kassemyr go.”
“I bet. I didn’t partake in that, you know. The feeding off of people.”
“I know.”
“But I didn’t begin to resent Kass until recently either. Not truly. It was about when I came back to this realm. That’s when I started questioning him.”
“Better late than never or so they say.”
