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It startled her. She snapped out of her hypnosis. “No. Don’t.”
“How are you alive?” I leaned forward as far as I could, the rope pinching my wrists. “They found your body.”
She stepped closer, eyes wide with wonder. “I can’t believe you’re here.”
The laugh cracked out of me. I was looking at a dead woman, and she was surprised to seeme? “For fuck’s sake, the whole world thinks you’re dead.”
“But why did you come back?” She stopped in front of me, legs brushing my knees. This close, I saw I’d been wrong: time hadn’t frozen her. When she squinted, the tiniest lines feathered her eyes, like mine. “You weren’t supposed to set foot in New York ever again.”
“I came toavengeyou.” My voice rose, panic finally penetrating the shock. “But you’re here. Where’s Rachel? Where’s Don?”
Laurel’s expression hardened. “Why do you want to know?”
“You’re kidding, right?” I blinked up at my best friend, the woman I’d loved for over a decade. “We were both supposed to get out of this place. RachelkilledClem, Laurel. Did you know?”
She turned her head, sharp, but she wasn’t surprised. She’d known.
I felt my grasp on the truth weakening. “Don brainwashed us. He ruined our lives, and Clem died, but we escaped.” This was only a repeat of history, but I needed her to confirm it.
She shook her head. “We never escaped.”
“I thought you’d beenmurdered. How could you think I wouldn’t come?”
She spun away from me. “You were supposed to stay away.”
“How did you get here? Is he holding you hostage?” I managed to yank my arms over the back of the chair and struggled to my feet, hands still bound behind me. “Explain, because I don’t understand.”
She stilled, her back to me. All I could see was her long, lovely hair, falling over her shoulders. I’d been haunted by the image of that hair swaying from a tree branch, hanging like a curtain over her sightless eyes. But here she was.
“We were best friends,” I whispered, and the plea hung between us.
Her head turned. I could see her profile, her lips forming the soft words. “Do you remember, freshman year… You used to sleep on my floor sometimes.”
I wished I could reach out and touch her, restitch her to me. “Of course. Nights you didn’t want to be alone.”
“I was such a child back then.” A quiet eternity passed. Then Laurel’s spine straightened, and her shoulders lifted. “Okay,” she said. “I’ll tell you the whole story.”
Chapter Thirty-Five
“After graduation,” Laurel said, “you thought I was going back to live with my mother, but that was a lie. I couldn’t imagine going back to that house…to being the one in charge, watching my mom drown herself in grief. Especially after knowing what it felt like to have a father again, someone who loved me enough to take care of me. Take charge.
“But you were always good at making decisions for us. Long before Don, there was you, and your ideas for what kind of girls we should be. You’re shaking your head, but it’s true. You walked into that basement freshman year and saved me, so I was happy to go anywhere with you for a while. You and Clem were my best friends. But I always owed you. I was the weak one, and you two were strong. There was no escaping that until we found Don and he gave me someone else to be.
“The day Clem died, and you wanted to leave him, I panicked and reverted to old habits: doing what you wanted. It wasn’t until that night, lying next to you in Rothschild with our doors and windows locked, that I even realized I’d made a mistake. I’d never wanted to leave Don. I’d said that to you and Clem a million times, but neither of you ever listened. But there I was, with you instead of him. Choosing you on reflex, out of some sense of guilt.
“I wanted to run back, throw myself at Don’s feet and beg his forgiveness, but you were always around, watching. You wanted to spend every second together. I know… You were scared, and heartbroken. Well, so was I. You just couldn’t see that I was desperate I might lose Don on top of Clem.
“From the moment you pulled me out, time was slipping through my fingers. I could feel it every day you made me get up and go to class, that stupid routine. When you made me go to the dean and she said she’d send the authorities, I couldn’t wait any longer. I convinced you to go back to Don’s house with some excuse about closure. I thought, as soon as I see him, I’ll run, and Shay won’t be able to stop me.
“But he was already gone. And it wasourfault. He’d been brave enough to be honest with us about the way the world works, to offer us refuge, and we’d run away and twisted him to other people. I’ll never forget your face when you saw the empty house. It was one of the worst days of my life, but you were so happy. I felt alone, like I lived in a world by myself. It was exactly how Don said we’d feel if we ever left him.
“I forced myself to keep hope alive that I’d find him. I knew I had to wait for graduation, when you’d leave. So I agreed to all the promises that made you happy. On graduation day, I could feel the noose loosening. With every step you took away from me, I could feel myself starting to breathe again. As soon as you drove away with your mom, I launched into motion.
“It was exciting at first, like I was a detective. A grown-up Nancy Drew. I remembered everything Don told me, places he’d been, restaurants he’d liked. There weren’t many clues, because you know he didn’t like to talk about himself. But I bought a car with the rest of the money from my dad’s life insurance and drove all over the state, searching.
“Months went by without leads. I was living out of my car, at the end of my rope. Then one night when it started getting cold again, it hit me how stupid I was. There was no way Don had left the Hudson Valley forever. The business he’d been building was here.
“Don’t look at me like that. There’s no way you forgot the men he used to bring home. He was building a network of people who shared certain desires, who could help each other, do each other favors. I guess you were kind of oblivious back then—always in your head—but Clem and I saw exactly how ambitious Don was. Nights when she and I were alone, we used to talk about it, try to guess what he was planning. Clem got scared. I think that’s why she was so desperate to leave. I really wish she hadn’t gotten so worked up about it.
