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“Before we became the people we are today. Before she set her feet upon her current path.”
It hovered on my tongue, the words like the ugly toads of fairy tale lore, to ask him if he’d loved her, but I refused to open my lips to it. He’d say that neither of them thought that way. Besides, I knew well how he felt about her now. No, what I wanted to know lay somewhere else. But I didn’t know how to ask it, what phrasing to use.
“Just ask,” he said, putting the ducky down and coming closer, though not touching me. Possibly staying out of reach. “If I can answer, I will.”
“Does she still have a hold on you?”
He cocked his head meaningfully. Duh. Stupid question. Of course she did or he’d be able to speak freely.Certain restrictions have lessened,he’d said to me after we’d broken him out of the Queen Bitch’s castle, not that they were gone.
“Never mind.” I waved a hand, the claws sliding against each other with a metallic chiming hiss. “Strike that question. Tell me this if you can. Can she take you away from me again?”
“Her powers are vast.”
Meaning yes.
“More to the point,” he said, “will you let her?”
“Her powers are vast,” I snapped back and he inclined his head. Restless, full of both vague, formless worries and very pointed ones, I looked out at the meadow of iridescently indigo Stargazer lilies, imagining for a moment that their heady sweetness reached me, far in the tower above. Likely just the scent of my earrings, made in their image.
“What else, Gwynn? Your thoughts are very quiet.”
“And here you’re forever bitching about them being loud.”
“I shall never complain again,” he teased, though his voice sounded sad. I glanced back at him and away, unwilling to voice my deepest concerns.
Have I made a terrible mistake?
Will you use me and then be rid of me?
Will you betray me, in the end?
Not really the sort of questions one should ask one’s fiancé, particularly right after your magically binding engagement. Although, I supposed these fears were as old as relationships.
And sometimes people discovered the answer was yes. They survived.
“I think these are questions I have to answer for myself,” I finally said.
Rogue studied me, not satisfied. For once, however, he didn’t push me. Instead, he waited me out. A new—and effective—strategy on his part.
“I feel very out of control of my life at the moment,” I admitted. A big step for me, owning up to weakness with him. A deliberate effort on my part, to place trust in him. Call it hypothesis testing.
His lips twisted in a wry grimace and he closed the last bit of distance between us, pushing my hair back over my shoulders, smoothing it and looking into my eyes. “Welcome to my world,” he offered and lowered his mouth, stopping just short of mine, waiting for me this time, instead of simply stealing the kiss.
With a sigh, I tipped back my head and met him the rest of the way, the touch of his lips, the passionate connection between us, restoring my sense of rightness. If only we stayed in bed all the time, the relationship could totally work.
“I’m willing if you are.” He slid his tongue along the sensitive inside of my upper lip.
It was tempting, to give myself up to the storm again. But afterward, I’d still feel as out of control. “I think I need to take steps to regain some of my equilibrium.” I reluctantly pulled back. “Something active. No more talking in circles.”
“What would you like to do?”
“I want to work on getting my hands back.”
His thoughts stilled, studiously smooth, but something of concern flickered in his gaze. “Are you determined on that?”
“Yes.” I flexed my fingers, the weight of the metallic claws dragging them into helpless lumps of flesh. “I can’t live like this—not happily. And isn’t this a good time? We’re kind of resting and recuperating anyway.”
He hesitated, only for a split second, but enough to be telling.
