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“Fuck,”Sam said. It was the first time I’d ever heard him say the word. His hands squeezed my hips, my ass, as I rode him until we were both sweaty and spent, collapsing against his sheets.
We lay there for a minute, the only sound our heavy breathing. I felt suddenly shy, unsure what to say. Sam rolled toward me, brushing strands of hair away from my face as he pressed a soft kiss to my temple.
“That was amazing,” he said. “You’re amazing. How do you feel?”
Why did he have to ask methatof all questions? My body felt tired and sore and sated in all the best ways, and there was a part of me that was still floating on a cloud, a cloud of Sam telling me I was beautiful and the rasp in his voice when he’d said that single profanity. But my mind was already starting to come back down to earth, questioning things, likeWill it be weird now?andDid I leave my bra in the pool?
“Exhausted,” I said, because it was the most honest response I felt capable of. I gave him a smile and a kiss on the corner of his mouth, hoping I didn’t sound as conflicted as I was inside. I’d pushed this, after all. I’d kissed him first. I’d encouraged it every step of the way.
“Then stay,” he said. “You can sleep here.”
I meant to protest. The last time I’d spent the night at a man’s house had been... pre–grad school? It definitely wasn’t with the few-and-far-between flings and fuck buddies I’d been with since. Plus I had so much writing to get done tomorrow, and I was beginning to worry we’d left some of the paint out, and I was positive at this point that my bra was floating in his pool...
But the bed was so comfortable, and Sam’s arm was so warm around me, and it had to be at least three in the morning by this point. I closed my eyes, and let myself drift off to sleep.
?I WOKE UPto the distant sound of a knock, which in my dream I’d turned into another sound. It instantly disoriented me, especially when I rolled over and realized I wasn’t in my bed at home, when I saw the still-sleeping Sam next to me.
He had a small scar above one eyebrow, I noticed. Nothing major—probably a childhood scrape that hadn’t healed properly—but it was the kind of detail about his face that I felt like I could only absorb now that we were so close.
I wanted to trace it with my fingertips, but instead I shook his shoulder as the knock came again.
“Sam,” I said. “Someone’s at the door.”
“Mmm,” he said without opening his eyes, snuggling closer. His erection was pressed against my leg now, and I felt a spark deep in my gut, desperate to kindle into a full-on flame, but then it was doused as it hit me just who was probably outside. I shook his shoulder again.
“Sam,”I said. “I think it’s my brother.”
That got him to open an eye. “Why would Conner be atmydoor at... what time is it?”
Given that I’d told Conner to bring me lunch today to make up for skipping out on painting yesterday, I hated to think what time that meant it was. Later than I’d slept in a while, that was for sure.
“He probably tried to call,” I said, groaning. This was the last thing I wanted to deal with. “But I did it again—left my phone back at the house. I can’t just blow him off. He’ll worry.”
“Okay,” Sam said, getting up and giving me a delicious view of his naked butt as he reached into dresser drawers to retrieve clean underwear and jeans. “Do you want to borrow something to wear—a T-shirt and some boxers, maybe?”
“That would be great,” I said. “And then if you can just distract him, I’ll sneak out the back and go through the fence to let myself in next door. It should take me a few minutes, tops—ask him what video game has the most intuitive gameplay. That’ll get him going for a while. Then you can say that you haven’t seen me, but maybe I just didn’t hear his knock and he should try again.”
Sam frowned. “Why don’t I just let him in, and you can come out when you’re ready? Or I can tell him you’re still sleeping, if you’d rather not face him. I know it’s a little awkward, but we’re all adults. He’ll know we’re together eventually anyway.”
The silence that hung between us after that was coiled with tension. I could see the moment it dawned on Sam what my lack of response meant, and some light in his eyes flickered and died. It killed me, not being able to explain that it wasn’t personal, it was just that I preferred not to get shit about this from Conner,preferred not to have more people who might get invested in whatever this was, might ask me about it once it was over. But there wasn’t time. I tried to plead with him with my expression to please just understand and help me out.
“Intuitive gameplay,” he muttered. “Right. Boxers are in the top drawer, shirts in the second. Make sure I’ve closed the front door behind me before you come out, or he’ll probably spot you in the background.”
“Thank you,” I said, but he’d already left. I could hear him open the front door, the murmur of conversation as he talked to Conner, and then a click as he apparently closed the door behind him to talk to Conner on the front step.
I grabbed a pair of red boxer briefs and the first T-shirt my hand landed on, which was bright yellow and had a picture of a cartoon rocket ship with the wordsLAUNCH INTO LEARNING!printed on it and the name of a school I assumed to be Sam’s employer. Put together, they were the brightest clothes I’d worn since probably toddlerhood. But I didn’t have time to second-guess my choices, so I got dressed in a hurry before sneaking out the sliding glass door to Sam’s backyard.
Just as I’d suspected, my neon purple bra was floating in the middle of the pool, a reminder of the turn our night had taken. I wanted to fish it out but settled for grabbing my clothes from the porch instead. There would be time to process everything later, after I dealt with Conner. But then I remembered that look that had crossed over Sam’s face, disappointment and something else, something deeper that I didn’t even want to think about, and I wasn’t so sure.
SIXTEEN
COLD TACO BELLwas a dish best served... well, never, but it was my own fault. I’d gotten back to my house just in time to throw on some pants over Sam’s underwear, then change out of the bright yellow shirt for a clean bra and black T-shirt of my own that didn’t screamI slept with an elementary school music teacher!
“I knocked a hundred times,” Conner said as he squeezed a packet of hot sauce onto his burrito. “Andcalled you. Seriously, Pheebs, you’re the one who fills my head with stuff about how the best motivation to keep a clean house is the thought of the grainy crime scene footage they’ll show in court later. The neighbor must think I’m insane, always going over there to check for you.”
“Sorry, I was in the shower.” I realized that my hair wasn’t even wet, and that saying I’d already taken a shower would hurt my chances to take one after lunch, which I desperately wanted to do. “About to take a shower,” I amended. “What did Sam say?”
“Just that you weren’t there, obviously,” Conner said. “And then he asked me some weird stuff about video games. I’m going to have to make that guy a list of my top ten, because he’s barely playedanything. I brought upMass Effectand he looked at me like I was an alien.Mass Effect!”
