Page 3 of All you need is an Earl (Lords of Pleasure 2)
“A sock ball, your momsays.”
“You’re supposed to be my wingman, not mybuzzkill.”
I hoped Nin was in the truck and would come out soon. If I had to make conversation with these Einsteins, I’d grind my teeth out of theirsockets.
The third man, the shifter, eyed my sword with more than passing interest. “You get that from Nin? In the magical spectrum, it’s lit up like the SpaceNeedle.”
“No.” I stopped a few paces from them, so I would have time to react if needed. “I had to travel to Mordor, past the Dark Tower, up to Mount Doom, and do battle with the Lord of Barad-dûr forit.”
“Soundsepic.”
“I think they’ll make a movie of it.” Keeping my eyes on them, I pulled out Fezzik. “ThisI got fromNin.”
This elicited a few oohs and ahhs. The gun looked pretty, but for those who could sense magic, its intricate web of integrated auras would be even surer toimpress.
I let them step forward to admire it, though I watched them carefully in case anyone tried anything. Dimitri lurked nearby, not looking like he knew if he should threaten them on my behalf or stay out of the way. Fortunately, he opted for thelatter.
It was possible the men would give me trouble, especially if I’d killed a friend, distant relative, or childhood schoolmate of theirs, but Nin’s was considered neutral territory by most in the community. I hadn’t seen many fights break out here. Muggings by mundanes, sure, but not battles among the magical. Nin sold guns to normal people who were afraid of the magical, but she also sold weaponstothe magical, so they could settle their grudges with eachother.
The side door opened, and Nin walked out, her blue hair swept up in two perky pigtails, and a unicorn on her pink T-shirt. A few smudges of grease and weapons-cleaning oil marred the hem, but it didn’t keep her from looking ridiculously cute, especially standing next to the present company. She carried in her slender arms something that looked a lot like a Civil War Gatling gun complete with a crank handle. Everyone turned, their attention riveted to it. Even I, not a weapons enthusiast despite my armament, had to admit it looked awesome. I wanted to find someone to fire it at. A black dragon,perhaps.
The men listened with rapt attention as she described its dimensions and automatic function, demonstrating how to load and fire it. There was something ludicrous about someone who looked so sweet and with such a polite, earnest voice rattling off the morbiddetails.
“The bullets are in these packages.” Nin grabbed paper wraps off the shelf of the food window that looked exactly like the ones she used to pass out her meals. “These are tipped with a paralysis poison.” She handed the first wrap to the shifter. “These are incendiary and will blow shit up when they hit. Andthesewill just kill themotherfucker.”
“Perfect.” The shifter handed over a wad ofcash.
Nin carefully counted it, then slipped it into her jeans pocket, the seam lined with rhinestones. “A pleasure doing business with yougentlemen.”
The shifter handed the big weapon to his sock-ball-owning buddy to carry and headed for the street. Sock Ball winked at me, hefting the machine gun. “Now whose weapon isbigger?”
“You win, buddy. Don’t forget to lubeit.”
“Never.” He winked again, and I was positive he believed we would inevitably get horizontal the next time wemet.
“Nin,” I said as the men left, “I like your lunch customersbetter.”
“Yes, but my night customers pay so much better.” She smiled and patted herpocket.
“You getting close to having enough to bring your family overyet?”
“Not yet, but one day. My family is very large, and I want to bring everyone to America. Now, there is Grandma and Mother and my seven sisters all living in a two-bedroom apartment. Only my brother has been able to afford to move out, but he does not make enough to help them. I want to be able to buy my family a house here, so they do not have to worry about working and paying rent right away, but it is very expensive. A house costs much more here than inBangkok.”
“Maybe you can set them up in the suburbs, and they can open a restaurant. Didn’t you say your grandmother was the one to teach you tocook?”
“Yes, this is true. And my grandfather taught me to make magic guns.” She smiled. “It is sad for my family that he disappeared, and everyone had to move into the city. There are so few opportunities there. Not like here. I am living the Americandream.”
“I’m not going to argue that. You make more than Ido.”
“An entrepreneur must be a marketer, Val. You should make clever videos and advertise on the socials. This is what I do for my foodtruck.”
“I think they arrest you if you advertise assassin services online. But hey, with the way this week is going, it probably doesn’tmatter.”
She tilted her head, one of her pigtails flopping onto her shoulder. “You are in trouble? Did you break Fezzikagain?”
“No, Fezzik isgood.”
“You have acquired the services of a bodyguard?” She looked atDimitri.