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He sighed and shrugged, staring straight ahead. Cutting the engine, he sat back in the seat, dropping his hands to his lap. The need to make space in the garage would never have been an issue before, but now it was. Connor needed a place with them. He needed to know that their house was his home too. “I’m never gonna get around to fixing it. And let’s face it, I’m no mechanic.” The darkness in the car seemed to speak to him, whispering that his dream to fix the bike with Connor was dead. Was he overreacting? Probably, but he had to face reality. Connor was moving on. At the time Levi bought the Harley, it’d meant something to both of them. But things changed, and he had to as well. “I don’t even know where to start with it, and it’s not like I’ll ever ride it.” He ran his hand through his hair, sighing again. “I’ve got my car, so it’s a waste of space. And money. It was probably ridiculous to get one in the first place.”
Katy grabbed onto his arm, trying to twist him in the seat, but he couldn’t bear to look at her. “It wasn’t ridiculous, and there’s no reason why you can’t ride it if you get it put back together. You’ve always blamed your job, and I’ve let you, but it’s not gonna happen anymore. You deserve it. Keep the bike.”
He closed his eyes. Levi had never told her that he wanted to fix it up with Connor, kind of replacing the project Connor and his dad were supposed to work on together. He was embarrassed to admit that he’d wanted to give that experience to Connor, just as much as he wanted it for himself. “Yeah, but… I dunno. I s’pose I just need to wake up to the fact that it’ll never happen.”
Katy’s warm hands on his face had him leaning into her touch, shifting his gaze to her eyes. She’d moved, sitting on the console between them to get closer to him. “I know you, Lee. You don’t give up on anything that easily.” She shook her head, her eyes imploring. “Don’t start now. If you want it, reach out for it. You might be surprised.”
“And if I’m disappointed?” he asked, knowing it was a loaded question. He sensed that Katy understood he was talking about more than the bike as they sat together in the darkness of their driveway, cocooned in the car together. What exactly hewastalking about was still a mystery though. He was waiting for all the pieces to fall into place, to suddenly make sense, but it was all out of focus, a blur. He did know that he was changing. Or maybe not so much changing as realizing something about himself.
“Then you’ll have tried.” Those four little words that Katy uttered, with nothing but sincerity in her voice, were more comforting than anything else she could have said. It was as if she got it, that she could see what Levi couldn’t yet. Like she was guiding him to where he needed to be to make sense of it.
He kissed her hand and pulled her close, burying his nose in her hair. She fit into his arms like she was made for him. And she was—Katy was his soulmate, the love of his life. Whatever the hell he was going through wouldn’t ever change that.
Levi paced the lounge room. He’d been doing that—pacing and slumping down on the couch staring at the blank TV screen, then pacing again—for hours. The predawn light had begun to breach the darkness of the night sky, but the sun held little solace for him. Katy had long ago fallen asleep, but even though he’d laid with her wrapped around him, he couldn’t do the same. And the more time he spent wearing a track into the hardwood flooring, the more frustrated and on-edge he became.Where is he?But he knew—Connor was with Miranda, probably in bed. There was nothing wrong with that, so why the hell did it feel like there was? It was irrational, sure, Levi would acknowledge that, but it didn’t make what was going on in Levi’s head any less real. Connor was out there enjoying himself with another woman. No, withawoman. They were both single and willing, so why was it grating on Levi? It wasn’t like Connor was cheating, but apparently in the dark of night, Levi was beyond the point of reason and logic.
Weary and dejected, Levi sprawled out on the couch with a coffee in hand. His head hurt and he was in a shitty mood. He was glad Katy was giving him some space. She’d woken up earlier and put the coffee machine on, brewing a mug and handing it to him when it was ready. She hadn’t even said anything to him before she went back to their room to get showered and dressed for the day. Guilt consumed him. He shouldn’t be feeling sorry for himself on the couch. He should have been with Katy, loving her like she deserved.
The key turning in the front door had him swallowing hard. He was home. Finally. Levi looked up when Connor called out to him. He was so damn happy, like he was riding a high. The sight broke something in Levi and made him lash out. With venom in his voice that Connor didn’t deserve, Levi stood and spat, “You haven’t lost it, mate. First date, I’m impressed.”
“It’s not what you think,” Connor replied. Levi huffed out a response and walked away. The angry mask he wore was slipping, his hurt bubbling just under the surface waiting to spill over. He couldn’t let Connor see how upset he was. He knew why. He understood there was something more than being scared of losing a friend. But he wasn’t going there. There was no way he’d let Katy think she wasn’t enough for him. She was. Levi just had to get his head out of his arse long enough to shake this shit out once and for all. He slammed down his mug in the sink, taking a deep breath and closing his eyes as he rested his hands on the edge of the kitchen bench. Breathing out slowly, he stood there for a moment.Get it together.
Hours later and Levi was still too wired to do anything other than clean. He groaned. Tired and miserable, he couldn’t stomach doing any more housework. He needed Katy; all he wanted was to hold her. She always managed to distract him when he got too stuck inside his head, but she was shopping with Emma for the day. It left Levi at home with Connor, not that he’d seen him. The other man had crashed almost as soon as he’d walked in, and hours later he was still asleep.
Pulling a bottle of water from the fridge, Levi downed half before leaning against the back of the couch. In the quiet of the house, he heard a door open and close, the shower turning on soon after. Knowing Connor was washing away the evidence of his activities the night before had Levi’s blood boiling. All the insecurity, the stress and the self-doubt he’d been dealing with exploded. Levi was shaking. Betrayed and hurt, he stewed on it, glaring at the closed door while the shower ran. He wanted to blast through it and shake his best friend. Why did he do it? Why did he hurt Levi so fucking much?
Connor opened the door, and Levi found himself moving without conscious thought. His hands pressed against Connor’s still damp skin, and he pushed him against the wall, stepping closer to him. “What the fuck, man?” Connor stuttered.
“Why’d you do it? Why?” Levi hissed.
“What?” Connor threw his hands in the air, before pushing back against Levi. “What the fuck did I do?”
“Stay with her.” Sure, he’d thought it, but he’d never intended to say it out loud. Hearing his thoughts voiced surprised Levi. By the wide-eyed stare and his mouth popping open, Connor was just as shocked.
“I didn’t,” he replied quietly. Connor’s hands were warm against his pecs through Levi’s shirt, and it sent a spark of awareness through him. “I dropped her off then went for a drive. I ended up in Byron. Stayed down there for breakfast.”
“Goddamn it,” Levi muttered, slamming the heel of his hand against the wall. The pictures rattled, and Connor’s grip on his hips tightened. His nostrils flared when Levi realized that he still had his hand on Connor’s shoulder. Curling it, he massaged the firm muscles under his fingertips. “I’m sorry, I’m an arse.”
Connor looked down, breaking their gaze. “Nothing happened between us. If it wasn’t for her kissing me, I wouldn’t have even done that. Is that fucked up? She wanted me, but I couldn’t do it.”
His friend was hurting and there he was wallowing in self-pity. “Why?”
He shook his head, sadness radiating from him. “Doesn’t matter.”
“Yeah, it does, mate. Talk to me.”
“I couldn’t do it, couldn’t bring myself to go inside her house. I need to get laid. I’m as horny as fuck. But when she offered, I turned her down. I’m fucking confused.”
Levi pulled him into a hug, needing to comfort him. “I’m sorry I was a jerk.”
“Whyareyou being a jerk?” Connor asked quietly, still holding Levi tightly. He pulled back just enough to look at him. Levi sighed. He knew why. Jealousy would be a great explanation, but there was no way he was voicing that.
“I don’t know,” he replied, equally as quiet. “You’re not the only one who’s confused.” Levi shivered and sucked in a breath when Connor ran his thumb down his side, following the line of his obliques. Shocked he’d liked it so much, Levi stepped back, breaking Connor’s hold. What was he doing? What was he thinking? He couldn’t touch Con, not like he’d been doing anyway. It was almost intimate. But Connor’s smooth olive skin, his cut muscles, and the bulge standing to attention underneath his low-slung towel begged to be admired. Levi clenched his jaw and took a few deep breaths to get a hold of himself again. He wasn’t attracted to his best friend. He couldn’t be. But the images scrolling through his mind painted a very different picture.
“We’ll work it out, mate.” Levi flinched when Connor punched him lightly on the arm before stepping out of reach. Watching him walk away, he could only nod.
Katy
Her feet hurt from walking, her cheeks hurt from laughing and her credit card hurt from all the new clothes she’d bought. But, her outfit for Levi’s birthday was sorted—a black lace jumpsuit with the tiniest little shorts and a plunging neckline paired with silver heels. She’d seen it and fallen immediately in love with it, and Emma had agreed.
