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And curly has a bit of a nerd look except for the gold earring hanging from one ear and his biceps which turn his white button-down shirt in some scholar’s version of a muscle tee. His accessories are a mix of his clear glasses, necklaces and some jewelry. I can’t tell if he looks like a gym bro trying to look smart or a nerd who also models. As cleaned up as they are, I’m pretty certain that they’re the same guys.
They’re being dragged around by some recruits and I know Julissa won’t like that. So I start to make my way over to them, happy that I may have some info to convince Julissa to get her ass back here and to lay low. As I’m walking toward them, I dial Julissa’s number but fuck it, she’s probably tired of me calling her phone so many times so she’s fucking turned it off. It doesn’t ring, it goes straight to voicemail. Dang it. How the fuck am I supposed to use them to stop her now? I try calling a few more times before leaving a voicemail in vain knowing she won’t check that shit and I shove the phone in my pocket.
“Wait, I know these guys. They’re cool or at least, I think they are, right?” I look at them and they look at me like uh…how the hell do you know us? “They’re Julissa’s men.” The recruits screw their faces in confusion. “Remember, the dudes from the train? Well, these two at least…” I point toward the skyscraper dude that towers over me and curly. I can’t remember which of the names Julissa has mentioned belongs to who since I kind of drown her out sometimes when she does too much. “But yeah, blondie here is one of her men too.”
“Why do people always call me blondie?” I hear him whisper to himself and I snicker.
“What’s up, G?” I hold my hand out to each of them, clapping our hands together. “I’m Jaya. How’d you find this place?”
“Some dude called me, told me where to find it and that Julissa needed help. He didn’t say much more after that. I have no clue who he is,” blondie says.
“Yeah, same here,” the other two echo.
The other recruits back off a little and leave me to talk to them.
“Remind me of your names again?” I say.
Skyscraper says, “Mikhail.”
Blondie introduces himself as Cal and curly introduces himself as Axe. I nod in acknowledgement, storing their names to memory.
“Alright, here’s the problem,” I say as I begin to lay out everything, catching them up on all that they’ve missed.
Chapter 40
Julissa
Ipulloveronthe side of the road, thinking that I’m about to be violently ill as again, I just can’t fucking believe that I letthatfuck me. The image of the woman I just left behind, crying in horror with Snow on top of her, keeps flashing in my mind with sharp, bright, inescapable reels playing loud in my head. I bang my head on my steering wheel, clutching it, wondering how I let the fucker escape. I’d walked away from the recruits and the pimps, all of it, focused only on ending my life, leaving everything to go up in flames in the process. I left my recruits without warning, thinking that nothing mattered, not realizing that they would turn all their attention on me.
I forgot about the importance of what I was doing and he used that moment where I took my eyes off the ball to escape and make a victim of someone else. I fucked up again. I should have killed him at first, kill all of the pimps. He didn’t learn from his experiences not to do to others what he wouldn’t like them to do to him. Instead, he decided that since he got hurt, others deserved to be hurt as well. There’s no teaching people like him, and for that reason, I should have killed him in the beginning.
I find myself turning around to head back to the facility because blindsiding my people once caused trauma to the woman victimized by Snow since everyone was too busy focusing on me. I don’t want them to be focused on me. I want them to carry on the legacy of protecting victims of these pimps when I’m gone because I see now that the traitors were in the minority. The majority of my recruits care about what’s right. They are loyal to the mission and they’re loyal to me.
So even though I’m too disgusted with myself to keep living in my own body, one that I offered up to be defiled and gave the control away to a substance that made me go against my own morals, I believe the recruits deserve to know my plans and they deserve a proper goodbye.
Back at the facility, I maneuver myself around security so that I’m not seen, sneaking into the garage and making my way to the elevator where I return to my office. In there, I turn the security system back on as well as the intercom system. I project my voice and watch from my cameras as everyone stills.
“I’m back and I’m going to ask you all to gather on the first floor. I’ll be coming down to meet you. I have something to say to you.” I cut off the intercom and take a deep breath as I prepare myself without emotion to say what I need to say.
Downstairs, I stand to face my recruits with cold, matter of fact words.
“I’ve gathered you here because as you know I’ve made the decision to declare war on Las Vegas. I did it behind your backs and I’m sorry. However, I will not be backing down from this war. I’m sorry if you feel like I’m turning my backs on you guys, I just feel as if I’m not fit enough to be your leader anymore. Besides, you don’t need a leader. I failed at my mission to protect the city of Las Vegas from trafficking and instead I became a trafficker myself, convincing myself that if it’s reversed, it could teach some sort of lesson that would fix the problem. It’s not fixing the problem. Today, a pimp escaped and I found him abusing another victim a few hours away from here. What I’ve been doing isn’t sending a clear enough message. And quite frankly, I’m learning to understand that there is nothing that I can do about the problem. But I can’t live in a world where I can’t do anything to stop this so I’ve decided to go out with a bang.
I’m not telling you to give up on the fight yourselves but the most I want for you guys is to put this behind you as best as you can and attempt to live a normal life. As I said in the beginning, your training will make sure you’re no longer a victim but this doesn’t have to be your life forever. You have a chance to be happy. Don’t make the mistakes I’ve made,” I say, referring to Snow and meth.
“If I can do one final “good thing” in this world, it’s to make sure I don’t bring you guys down with me. I’ve already brought you this far. I’ve exposed you to more trauma. Now, be free. And continue to fight for victims if that’s what you choose to do but don’t choose the path I’ve chosen for you.”
The room is silent for a moment and I notice Jaya turning her eyes to the floor. I’m about to walk away when another recruit speaks up.
“If you’re going down, we’re going down with you,” she says.
“That’s not necessary,” I respond to stop her.
“We all knew what we signed up for when we decided to stick through this. We promised our lives. We were willing to die. I’m still willing to die. Who’s with me?” She looks around the room and there’s an uproar of recruits in agreement.
Tears come out of nowhere stinging my eyes and my heart flips over in my chest.
Another recruit yells out, “We’ve got your back, Julissa. We’re not letting you do this by yourself. If you’re going to go, well, you can’t stop us from coming with you.”
