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TWENTY-TWO
Chandler stood in the parking lot, holding Eden, feeling almost as shaken as she was. It was so much worse than if he had been in the van with her. While he’d been connected to her the whole time through the phone call, being unable to see her or physically be there with her to help had made him feel helpless and vulnerable in ways he’d never imaged.
Guilt beat down on him hard. He should’ve been there, right by her side. She shouldn’t have had to face that asshole alone. Why hadn’t he insisted that she reschedule her last appointment and come with him to his office? He knew how much danger she was in. And yet, he’d let her go out on her own…and he’d nearly lost her. He could have been stuck on the other end of the phone line listening to her last words—her last breaths. The thought made his stomach twist like he was going to throw up. He barely managed to swallow it down.
He held Eden a little tighter until her sobs decreased and her grip on him became less white-knuckle tight. God, she must have been so scared. Guiding her on the phone through her ordeal hadn’t been enough. He should’ve been in the van. Hell, he should’ve been driving the fucking van. He’d like to see someone try that shit with him. One hour. One hour he’d left Eden by herself and she’d nearly been killed. If Terry Ross had run Eden off the road again… If she’d struck another tree, or driven into a ditch, or hit another car… He could’ve lost her.
His chest squeezed tight, pinching his heart and constricting his lungs. Chandler pulled back slightly, cupping her cheeks and forcing her to meet his gaze. “Are you okay? Please, God, tell me you’re okay.”
She sniffled, eyes red and slightly puffy from crying, then nodded. “I’m okay. Just unsettled and tired and scared.”
He hugged her again tight before finally letting her go. Not far, though. He kept hold of her hand, needing the contact, the connection, as much as she seemed to.
“Thank you for helping me on the phone,” she said, hiccupping a little as she reached into the van to grab some tissues and blow her nose. “I t-tried to get the license plate number, but I was only able to see a number and a letter. Not enough to go on, I’m sure.”
“No.” He scowled down at the ground, pissed at himself more than anything. “You have nothing to be sorry for. You did fantastic, Eden. You made it here safely. That’s all I care about.” He shrugged, looking away. “You did everything right. No thanks to me.”
“What?” Now, it was her turn to scowl. “What are you talking about? If you hadn’t been on the phone with me this whole time, I wouldn’t be standing here. You helped me keep it together. You helped me know what to do. You literally got me through it. Without you, I’d have run off the road or worse.” She sniffled again, waving her hands around. “Most of the stuff you told me to do was not what my instincts were screaming at me to do. Especially the whole ‘don’t go faster’ part.”
“But you never should’ve been in that situation by yourself to begin with. I should’ve insisted you come with me.”
“Yeah.” She snorted. “Because I take being bossed around so well.”
Chandler shook his head, giving in to a reluctant smile. They were both bullheaded, it was true. Even when it frustrated him, he still admired her strength and determination.
Eden had no idea how amazing she really was, but he did. Even if he hadn’t been there on the line with her, she would’ve gotten it together and dealt with the situation, the same way she had with everything else her life had thrown at her up to this point. She was the most independent, capable person he’d ever met. She certainly didn’t need him.
“Hey,” she said, tugging on his hand until he faced her once more. “Seriously. Don’t brush me off. I’m telling you the truth here, Chandler. You have been such a tremendous help to me through all of this stuff. The poisoning, the fire…now this. Any one of those things might have killed me. But you were there to get me through them all.”
“Was I, though?” He exhaled and let her go, scrubbing his hand through his hair. This sense of inadequacy wasn’t new. He’d been feeling it ever since he’d taken over the security agency from his father. He’d never really felt like he knew the job, like he could pull off being the boss, like he was qualified to be anything other than a SEAL. It was a feeling he’d wrestled with frequently over the past several months. But it had never been this strong, this sharp. Because with this case, him sucking at his job had come dangerously close—three times over—to getting Eden killed. Maybe third time was the charm, because he’d finally reached his breaking point.
“I think we just got lucky,” he blurted out. “Each time, it wasn’t really me doing anything special. With all these attacks, it’s really just dumb luck that you haven’t died on my watch. I’m not a poison expert, or a fireman, or even a stunt driver. I just happened to be there, and we worked it out together.” God, saying this shit hurt more than any injury he’d ever had in the SEALs. “Look, Eden, if I was truly this savior you think I am and if I could truly keep you safe, I’d have caught this fucking asshole already and never given him the chance to hurt you again.”
“But Chandler—” she started, but he held up a hand to stop her.
“No. I’m sorry, Eden,” he said. It felt like a knife had been driven straight through his soul. And yet, despite it all, he knew this was for the best. Today had hit far too close to home for him. He’d had one duty in all this. To keep Eden safe. He’d failed in his mission. Failed her. Failed himself. And now, it fell on him to do the right thing. No matter how hard it was. No matter how wrong it felt inside, he knew this was the right way to handle it. The only way to handle it. He couldn’t be on her case anymore. Not when he wasn’t objective. Not when he’d lost all perspective and flushed professionalism down the drain by falling in love with Eden. Despite his concerns and his wishes to the contrary. He loved her. And that made him the biggest liability there was. He needed to get out of the way and get his head on straight again before he got her killed.
“Sorry?” she repeated, sounding confused. She hugged her arms around her middle, her brows knit. “What exactly does that mean?”
“It means I’m going to assign someone else from the agency to handle your case from this point forward.” He turned away from her stricken expression, unable to bear it. This was for her own good, whether she believed it or not. Regardless of how bad it felt now. He took a deep breath, hands on his hips as he faced the police station. “I’ve already got someone in mind: Matt Jeffries. He’s a good man. Solid guy. Extensive investigative background. Married. Kids. He’ll do a good job.”
When Eden didn’t respond for a long while, he finally glanced in her direction—and immediately wished he hadn’t. If looks could kill, he’d have died on the spot. “I see.” Pink dotted her pale cheeks now and her eyes were bright. Not with tears but with anger. “So, you just decided this on your own, huh? No discussion? Because the last time I checked, we were in this together and bringing in a new partner is kind of a big deal.”
“I’m not objective anymore, dammit!” he said, trying to convince her. “Neither are you. We got distracted by…” He waved a hand between them. “Us. And it almost cost you your life today, Eden. I won’t have that happen again.”
“It’s my life!” she yelled back. “Don’t I get a say in who protects it? Who I trust to watch my back?”
“No.” He sounded like a dick, Chandler knew, but he had to stand firm here. One of them had to make the difficult choices to keep her safe, and he guessed it was him today. “I’m trying to do what’s best for you here.”
“I’m not a fucking moron,” she growled. “I’m a grown ass woman who’s more than capable of making my own decisions about what’s best for me, thanks so very much. And us sleeping together doesn’t change that fact. My brain still works just fine, Chandler.”
“That isn’t what I meant.”
“Well, it sure as hell sounded like what you said.”
They glared at each other over the span of a few feet until finally Chandler cursed and turned away. Shit. He never should’ve gotten his heart involved here. Emotions never belonged in a mission. It was his responsibility to be cool, calm, collected in any situation, no matter what shit came raining down. His training had been drilled into him from day one. Getting emotional meant making mistakes, sometimes deadly ones.
He walked a short distance away, took a few deep breaths, and called on his SEAL training. He needed a familiar, cool mindset, precise tactical thinking, because he was so far out of his depth here, he needed a fucking atlas to show him the way back. When he finally got his inner switch flipped to mission-mode again, he returned to where Eden still stood, shooting visual daggers at him. She could be pissed at him if she wanted to, but he was already dialing the number for the agency as he approached. He spoke to Matt and told him he was putting him on the case and that he’d fill him in later at the office.
