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Page 72 of Outlander (Outlander 1)

“You’re not annoying, but…” He brought his legs up on the bed and turned toward me. “Maybe you try too hard sometimes. You’re an incredible person. Funny, smart, outgoing. I don’t know why you think it’s not enough to just be yourself.”

“When has my self ever been enough?”

“When you met me. My parents. With Willow. Anyone who has mattered to you loves you because of who you are, not for what you can do or how much you can impress them.”

“What if it still isn’t enough?”

“Then those people suck.”

I laughed, but I didn’t feel much better. Being myself with Kai was easy. When we first met, I’d been an asshole to him and he responded with a compliment. He forced me out of the façade I put on after my home life went to shit. That was different. I didn’t know how to show everyone else who I was. I didn’t really want to because with all of the good things came an assload of bad. If I showed them one, the other would bleed through as well. Then, I’d have more people looking at me the way my dad did every time he saw me.

“What are you thinking about?” he asked softly.

“I called him the other day.”

His eyes widened. “Your dad?”

“Yeah, I needed money to get furniture. He has a college fund for me, one he started a long time ago. Most of it came from my mom’s life insurance, I guess.”

“And what’d he say?” Kai’s tone was cautious- rightfully so. He knew we were treading in shark-infested waters while sporting open wounds.

I laughed a little. “He sent me five grand.”

“Holy shit.”

“Yeah, I wanted it to be a surprise when a bunch of stuff showed up on Saturday, but now you know.”

“What’d you get?”

“Stuff for me and Willow’s rooms, a couch, a TV, some kitchen stuff. Some of it’s shitty, but it’s better than having nothing.”

“I could’ve pitched in.”

I shook my head. “You paid for the deposits and shit. The place sucks, but I want it to at least feel like a home.”

“It’ll be awesome. And when you’re drowning in cash someday, we’ll look back and laugh at how we used to live in squalor.”

“Unless I get eaten by a gaggle of roaches.”

“A gaggle,” he laughed. “I’m sure it’ll be fine.”

I pursed my lips, not wanting to mention that I’d seen a roach when we were there. While I wasn’t an expert in what was required of landlords, I was pretty sure they’d have to provide pest control if we asked. I had no doubt they knew about the issue, though, so I didn’t have confidence in them. Maybe I could learn the ins and outs of extermination.

“Everything is gonna be great,” he said. “It might be hard for a while, but that doesn’t mean it’ll be bad.”

“Take your Confucius ass elsewhere.”

Rolling his eyes, he put the cap on the bottle and stood. “I’m taking this, partly because you’re drunk enough and partly because I think Sen will be funny when he’s tipsy. Horny, too.”

I mimed a gag. “Gross. Now I’ll never be able to look at vodka.”

“Oh, don’t be dramatic. There’s a cheerleader’s hair bow on your floor, so I’m clearly not the only one.”

I followed his gaze. Sure enough, there was a blue bow that belonged to Jessi. It would be going in the trash. Nobody was allowedto sexualize my best friend in a way he wouldn’t like. Maybe he wouldn’t care, but I did.

He winked before he closed the door behind him. I was sort of glad that he took the bottle, otherwise I may have finished it and had a really bad night.

Lying back, I stared up at the ceiling. My ribs felt like they’d taken the full body weight of a massive football douchebag, which they had. I knew that when I woke up, I was going to be stiff from more than just that hit. He’d knocked me down way too many times. I didn’t know if he just hated my face or was on some sort of mission, but if he played next season, I’d be prepared.


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