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Slade was going over a couple of reports he’d written up and a few statements over the Andersons’ noise complaint when Daniel entered his office, and took a seat.
“Are you here to complain about Cassie and me?”
“No.”
“You’ll be the first one. I’ve had a warning from Jessica already. I figured now was your turn.” Slade clicked his pen top, staring at his boss. Daniel was a good man, and the town loved him.
“When I heard the news that you and Cassie were together or whatever it is you call it, I thought it was a mistake. Seeing the way you are, I’m happy for the both of you.”
This did surprise Slade. He’d figured Daniel would warn him, or say something to him.
“Cassie’s a special woman, and I care about her deeply. I only hope that you see that, and don’t hurt her, like others have done. It’s Cassie that I wanted to talk to you about.”
“What’s up?” Slade asked, ignoring the warning that Daniel had given. His feelings for Cassie were already driving him crazy.
Daniel sighed, and held up a letter. “It’s from her mother. She’s very ill and wants to speak to Cassie.”
Slade took the letter that Daniel gave to him, turning it around in his hands. “It’s addressed to the sheriff.”
“Yep, but inside is the letter for Cassie. She didn’t care that her mother left. All Cassie cared about was the way it affected her father. Her mother’s abandonment set off a spiral with Bill that can never be forgotten. I don’t know what to do, but I figured with how close you two have gotten, you’ll know.”
“I don’t—”
“You can fool yourself, son, but not me. You care about her. You probably even love her. It’s not hard to do. She’s a nice woman, when you get to know her of course. You can fight this all you want, but you can’t deny that you have feelings for her. It doesn’t make you any less. It makes you more of a man.”
Slade turned the letter over in his hands. It had already been opened, but then it would have been. “If I don’t give her this letter…”
“I’m going to leave this in your court, Slade. You’ll know what to do.”
Daniel got up, and Slade watched him leave, feeling like he’d just been given a much bigger responsibility than what he fucking wanted.
Staring down at the envelope his curiosity got the better of him, and he opened it up.
There were three letters in total. One was to the sheriff, the other to Bill, and then there was one to Cassie.
He ignored the others and opened Cassie’s letter.
Dear Cassie,
I wanted to open up and say my darling daughter, but I don’t know how that will be received. I’ve not seen or heard from you since you were a little girl. That is entirely my fault. Over the past few years I’ve come to see that my actions when you were younger, were not those of a mother, but that of a woman who was selfish, attention seeking, and a whore. Your father was a good man, and I don’t know how he turned out. I’ve not heard from Bill after the first year of phone calls where he begged me to come home.
I left because I knew I’d never make it out of that trailer with him. I had ambitions, and he and a child weren’t part of that. During the first couple of years, I didn’t care. I was living the high life. I was a mistress, not a wife. When I went to certain functions, women hated me, wives mostly. Some of the men adored me, and I didn’t see myself for what I really was. I was a home wrecker, a bitch, and most importantly, a whore. In my mind, I didn’t take money from the men I was with. Of course, being a mistress, that’s all you do. I was wrong, and I didn’t realize my mistake until much later.
By the time I realized what I had lost, it was too late. You were all grown up, and I was afraid to come and visit you, Cassie. I know I should, and sending this letter is just an even bigger act of selfishness. If you crumple this up, and don’t come looking for me, I understand. I know deep in my heart I’m not worth your time.
I’m dying, and it seems that you’re only ever worth something to someone when you’re alive and can spread your legs. That’s a really cold thing for me to say, right? Well, I’ve been taught a hard lesson in life. I thought being a mistress was the best of all worlds. I got a man when I thought I wanted him. Clothes, an apartment, everything I could do. I didn’t even have to work a day in my life. The reality is, I was at his disposal when he deemed it necessary. I wish I could say I was clever and figured that out all on my own, but that’s not true. It’s a lie.
He’s paying for my care. He doesn’t come to visit, and last I heard, he’d already moved in a new mistress. Some young twenty-something with the same life ahead of her that I had. If I had the strength I’d warn her of how cold and lonely it got. I used to pretend that it was better this way. That I didn’t have to worry about caring about anyone. The truth is, unless he wanted me, I was always alone. No one wanted to be friends with a woman like me. I made that mistake. The nurse here asked if I had any regrets at all. I have so many, but the biggest one was walking away from you. I was an awful mother, and a nasty wife. Bill deserved better. So did you, my darling daughter. I am sorry for everything I put you through.
I know I can’t and shouldn’t ask for your forgiveness, but I’ve never done what was proper.
I love you, and I hope you find a wonderful life, with happiness, and a man who completely loves you. Who doesn’t want to sleep in another room because he misses your closeness, your warmth, your fire. I hope you have someone in your life who will love you until your dying breath, and still hold your hand, because he can’t stand to be alone.
Your mother,
Trixie
