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Mandy doesn’t take the bouquet. Her lips pull into a hard line; a sign of the confusion that she is feeling. She glances over her shoulder to her grandmother who shuffles into the room. “Did you call him, Bubby? I told you I would handle this my own way.”
“I did not!” the old woman snaps.
Bubby looks me over, a slight smile hovering on her face. There is a brightness, an expectation, in her eyes that comforts me and scares me at the same time. The grandmother likes my effort, but she wants to see my follow-through. A moment passes between us. She raises her bleached-blonde eyebrows.
“I expect that the young man is here to tell you that he wants you back. That’s what flowers used to mean in my day — roses especially.” She makes a slight humming sound, indicating that she is expecting me to speak.
Suddenly, I feel like my head is spinning. There is so much here. So many new feelings. I want to say that I am here for what is mine — Mandy, who is my pet, and the baby. But facing the pregnant woman that is carrying my child makes me feel unworthy, all of a sudden.
“I came to give you these.” My voice is a croak. I offer her the flowers again.
Mandy just stares at me. The silence stretches between us. She doesn’t move. Her hands still rest on the little bump that is my child.
“Well, I’ll just take these.” Bubby shuffles between us. She takes the flowers gently from my hands. “I’ll find a vase and put these in some water. Mandy, I think you should tell him everything.” She gives us both a quick look then heads out the door of the small stateroom.
I drop my hands to my sides, not knowing what to do with them now that the flowers are gone.
Mandy rolls her eyes slightly and sighs. “Look, Christian —”
“I already know.”
“What?!” She steps back slightly. Her knees hit the bed, causing her to lose her balance and sit down. “How could you possibly know? Wait…what do you think you know?” There is heat in her words now.
I wasn’t going to tell her the truth, but now I feel like I have to. Taking a deep breath, I rub my fingers through my hair. “I hacked your phone. Months ago. I’ve been reading your texts and emails. I know about the —”
The look of horror on her face stops my words and drops me to my knees. I’m starting to lose her again. She tries to pull away, but I reach forward and grab her little hands in mine. Still, she struggles.
“I’m sorry.”
“Christian, that is not okay!”
“I know. I know. Please, Mandy, just hear me out.”
My pet takes a deep breath and relaxes. I drop my grip on her hands, but I can’t totally let her go, so I keep my hands on her knees and look up into her face. It’s time to let my truth out.
“It’s what I do with women. I find a pet, hack her phone, use her for a few weeks and then let her go. I don’t date—”
“Feelings are a waste of time,” she mimics the words I have said too often, then sits back, rolling her eyes. “The girl gives, and I take, and that’s the end.”
Every word she repeats feels like a sting on my body. What an ass I was…am. I bunch the fabric of her long sweatshirt into my fists, closing my eyes against the shame I now feel.
“It was different with you,” I whisper. “I swear it was. I mean, it was the same at first, but I found after a few weeks that I didn’t want you out of my life. That sense of longing was too much for me and I didn’t know how to handle that, so I ignored the emotions. I tried to lock them away. I wanted to hold you close and push you away at the same time. After meeting your grandmother, it just got worse. You were making me part of your family. Then there was Jered —”
“What about Jered?” Mandy’s words cut into my rambling.
There’s still anger in her brown eyes, but she isn’t pushing me away. So, that’s something. With a sigh, I let myself drop down to sitting on the floor and turn. With my back to the bed, I lean against it and put my head on her knee. Being next to her, touching her body in any way, feels safe.
“I know you two have history. That bothered me more than I would have liked. It was like he could take you away from me at any moment. The way you acted around him; I knew that there were still feelings between you.”
“Feelings of hate,” Mandy hisses between her teeth. “I can’t stand Jered. He hurt me so badly, Christian. I was…am scared that you are going to do the same thing.” There’s a little hitch in her voice like she’s starting to cry. I wrap my arms around her short legs and put my chin on her knees. I don’t want her to cry, ever. “I thought that you wouldn’t want a…”
