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“I’m a bit under the weather,” I call out to my grandmother. “Can you make me some peppermint tea?”
“Sure, doll.”
I listen to her steps retreating towards the kitchen and try to slow my breathing. Strung out and practically hysterical, I try to keep the tears from coming to my eyes. I rub them harshly and curse myself for getting into this mess in the first place. I know men are no good. Christian doesn’t love me. I kind of doubt he even likes me. I should just let him expose everything and look for a different job. I’ll probably have to move out of Manhattan, but oh well. I’ve moved before, it wasn’t terrible. I’ll make new friends.
Worried, Pumpkin works herself around my legs, her furry body soft against my skin. Her purr is very loud like she is trying to get my attention. I reach down and run my hand over her back. “At least I’ll always have you, right?” I whisper, letting the tears fall freely now. My cheeks are coated quickly. A few drops hit the floor.
Buzz! Buzz!
“Holy shit!” I jump up, fighting with my cleavage and grabbing at the phone ringing in my bra. It’s gotten a little sweaty and insists on sticking to my skin. As it slides, it answers the call.
“Mandy?” Eileen’s voice is muffled and far away. “Mandy!” I can tell she is screaming into the phone. Shit. I’m probably scaring the hell out of my best friend.
A few more seconds of juggling, and I get my cell phone in my hands and up to my ear. Eileen is still screaming my name. “It’s okay!” I say back. “I’m okay.” She hushes. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to dial you.”
“Butt dial?” she asks, clearly catching her breath.
“Cleavage actually.”
She laughs. “Good, I thought you were in a car accident or something. My imagination was going nuts. I was seeing you lying on the roof of your overturned car, glass covering you and totally passed out…”
Her words sink into the background. I’m not even paying attention. I didn’t mean to, but I saw it. The test. Two lines.
I’m pregnant.
Fuck.
“Mandy? Are you still there?” An edge of worry is lining Eileen’s voice again. She can tell something is up. I need to reassure her that everything is fine. I need to convince her that I am okay when I am very not okay. This needs to be a secret. I need to figure out what I am doing and do it, not cry on the phone to my best friend. Eileen wouldn’t understand. She doesn’t want kids.
I take a deep breath and plaster a smile on my face. I know she can’t see it, but they say that people can tell when you are smiling just by how your voice sounds. I want the words on my lips to be comforting, causal. I will lie to her.
“I’m pregnant.”
Okay. I guess I won’t.
There is silence over the line. “I’m sorry. Can you repeat that?”
“I’m pregnant.”
I sit back down on the toilet lid, reaching over to Pumpkin. My hand runs over her soft fur again. I can feel the vibrations in her chest. My situation doesn’t seem real. Someone is going to be my kid. That is if what happened before doesn’t happen again.
“Okay! Um…congrats!” Eileen still sounds worried. “How long have you known?”
“About two seconds,” I admit. “I was taking the test when I dialed you.” I know my voice sounds strained. I don’t know how to feel.
“I…Were you….” Eileen stammers and then goes silent for a second to collect her thoughts. “I don’t want this to sound judgmental, but are you seeing someone? Like do you have a boyfriend I didn’t know about? Because if this is just from a fling, then that’s okay too. No judgment.”
A choking laugh racks my body. “No boyfriend. It’s much more complicated than a fling.”
“It was…consensual?”
“Yeah. The father, he’s just not my boyfriend. He’s more like a playmate.”
She grunts slightly. “Okay. I can get that. Are you going to tell him?”
That really is the question, isn’t it? Am I going to tell Christian? I lean back on the toilet seat and let my head rest against the towel rack. My chest heaves with a hard sigh.
“I don’t know, Le Le.” Eileen grunts, still annoyed that I use her family nickname sometimes. “My knee-jerk reaction is to say, ‘hell no.’ But it’s too soon. I can’t believe it is even true. We just don’t have that kind of situation.”
Eileen grunts again. I can picture her nodding her head with understanding. Her relationship with her husband didn’t really start out as a normal romance. Plus, Ray owns and runs a sex club. They have seen all types of relationships there. Eileen would never judge me for my sex life.
“Okay,” she says boldly. “Here’s what we are going to do. Tomorrow we are going to the doctor’s office—” there is a noise behind her— “Hold on.” I can hear her cover the phone, but not enough to not overhear what she is saying to another person. “It’s Mandy. Code red.” The other person mumbles. “Yeah, you can come too.” I slap my hand into my forehead. So much for this not getting around. There are more shuffling noises, and then her voice rings out clearly, “Okay, Reese and I will take you to the doctor tomorrow. We will see if you are really pregnant and go from there. Don’t get too upset. You could have done the test wrong. Okay?”
