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“Gwen,” his mother says softly. Her familiar brown eyes make my heart ache for a man that no longer lives on this earth.
Caleb, how I miss you. Regardless of what you did, I’ll always love you.
“I made a lot of mistakes in my life. My bitterness caused me to miss out on a lot but I’d like to be there now.” Her hand rests against the door to stop me from slamming it in her face. “I’ll do anything. Anything you ask. Parenting classes, group sessions, a lie detector.” My eyes meet hers and my heart warms a little at her words, though not enough for me to stop hating her. “Anything.”
“I’m not interested. I don’t trust you.”
“I don’t blame you. I neglected him. I was an awful mother to both of my boys. I want to rectify that. Let me be there for my son and his babies.” Tears fill her eyes. “I won’t visit without you present. I’ll do all you ask. Just please…”
My mouth drops open. “Why do you think you deserve this? Why should I let you into the life of my kids?”
“Because I finally know how to love again and I don’t want the feeling to die. I love my grandbabies. I love them to the bottom of my heart. Please.” Fuck. Is she talking me around? How bad could things be if visits are supervised? If I’m present, then maybe she does deserve a chance? “Please, Gwen.”
“I need time to think.”
“No,” she blurts, pushing on the door with a wrinkled, delicate hand. “If I let you think about it alone you’ll never change your mind. I can be relentless.” Her mouth twitches with a weak smile. “I don’t want to hound you but I can’t lose this. I can’t lose him and those kids again.” Her eyes bore into my own, full of desperation and hope. “Please, Gwen.”
“Fine,” I relent. “Supervised visits only.”
Her smile is blinding and it reminds me so much of Caleb, my heart aches. “Thank you. Thank you!”
“Don’t thank me yet. You only get one chance. Just one.”
“Understood.”
“I’m not kidding. Don’t think that I’m giving you permission to suddenly start giving me tips on how to parent.”
Her smile is blinding. “I think it’s I who needs the tips.” Isn’t that the truth? “When can I come to see them? With your planning and permission of course.”
“I’ll let you know. But let me set one thing straight before we proceed.”
She nods.
“Under no circumstances will you be seeing these kids without me present and without my knowledge. If I find out you have been conspiring with Nathan again, not only will you lose all rights to my children, but so will he.” My gaze levels and I hope I’m nailing her with a look that could kill. “I will do everything in my power to protect them, as is my right.”
“I understand.” She releases her hold of the door and steps back. “I’m very sorry for all of the pain I’ve caused you and for the things I said.”
“Let’s just not discuss any of that because it’ll only piss me off.” I check my watch. “I have to go.”
“Shall I call you or…”
“No. I’ll text you later with a date and time.”
She nods, smiling, and fluffs up the back of her short white blonde hair with both hands. “You have my number?” That’s a good point. When she sees me hesitate, she pulls her phone from the leather bag dangling from the crook of her elbow and unlocks it then places it back into her bag after texting the number I tell her with a simple, ‘Hi’. “I’ll not take any more of your time. I look forward to getting to know you all properly this time.”
I disagree internally and finally get my chance to close the door.
“God!” I whisper shout and punch the air. I loathe that woman. Loathe.
Why did I agree to any of this?
This year has been my most stressful yet, which is saying something considering I almost died in a fire.
Nathan comes to look after the kids while I work. We don’t talk much or even look at each other much. He touches my back as I walk past him, but other than that there’s a stillness between us that wrecks my heart and no doubt wrecks his.
The longing look he pins me with as I leave forces me to hold back tears. He’s giving me the space I asked for but he’s letting me know that it’s hurting him and I loathe that he’s hurting, possibly even more than I loathe his mother.
I just can’t get past this until he understands what he’s done or at least gives me a good enough reason for why he’s done it.
If his reasons for this deception speak to my soul and enable me to forgive him and trust him again, he can come home. For some reason, I don’t think that’s ever going to happen and that depresses me more than anything else. Our entire relationship is resting on whether Nathan can finally open to me in a way he never has.
