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“Okay, it’s just… it’s about Caleb.”
I remain as passive as possible, not letting her see what just the sound of his name still does to me. “Okay.”
“There’s… well, I didn’t want to mention it before because of how…” She waves her hand in the air, clearly trying to find the right word. “Raw everything was. Plus, I thought you didn’t need crap in your head that may just be crap.”
“Go on.”
She lets out a long breath and stops me in the street, her eyes sympathetic. “Don’t you think it’s odd that he wanted to marry you before he died?”
“What?”
“I’m just going by what you’ve said. He was urgent, insistent to marry you, and then he died the day before the wedding.”
My back stiffens. “I remember the day.”
“I’m just saying.” Her voice is calm and soft, the opposite of how I feel inside. “It just seems… odd.”
“I’d rather not think about it.” I start walking again, ignoring her shock at my words.
She catches up to me. “You really haven’t put him to rest have you?”
“Of course I have!”
“No, you haven’t.”
“I don’t want to talk about this anymore.”
“Fine, but you need to think about it. It’s odd…”
“It’s over,” I hiss, glaring at her, both of us stopping once more. “It’s over and done with; there’s no use thinking about it. It’s not fair on anybody.”
“You’ll never be able to move on until you let him go, babe.”
“I don’t want to let him go,” I whisper, staring at my happy son, drooling all over himself and his blanket. “Ever.” She doesn’t hear me, so I tell her that I’m going home and pick up the pace.
“Gwen, I didn’t mean to upset you. It’s just, none of it makes sense and if you really think about it, you’ll see I’m…”
“Stop,” I snap, facing her once more. “Please, don’t. I can’t… it’s hard enough already.”
“And yet you share a bed with his brother? That’s hardly fair.”
“It’s none of your business. Just leave it.” I walk away.
“Gwen,” she calls, but I don’t answer and she doesn’t follow.
I’m too ashamed to face the truth of her words and I’m too scared to deal with them.
I don’t want to think about it. It’s done; it’s over, so what’s the point?
As I’m heading home, I think back to this morning. Nathan left early; he had to drive back to the countryside to pick up a few things. I won’t see him until tonight. This morning was a good one though. He kissed me sweetly and made me melt when he kissed Dillan and told him he loved him. I’ve never heard him say it, not in the way he did, so full of emotion and love.
Eric was normal this morning when he picked me up. Luckily he didn’t try to kiss me. He did bring my phone and my bag, though, which was a relief. Living without one’s phone is almost like living without an arm. We went to the hospital but only visited for a short while as he had to work.
Now I just have to figure out the best time to break up with him. This is ridiculous. It’s not fair on him that I’m doing this, but I can’t just break up with him in the midst of a crisis. I mean… what kind of person would that make me?
******
I sit and wait on my doorstep for Nathan to come by. He’s been hard at work all day and no doubt he’s exhausted. When his car pulls into the driveway, I smile and race towards him. His eyes light up when he climbs from the car and opens his arms ready to catch me.
Leaping onto him, I wrap my legs around his hips and slant my lips over his.
“Somebody’s in a good mood,” he chuckles against my mouth, spinning us so my back is against the side of the car. His hands cup my arse to hold me up. He moans when I thread my fingers into his hair and climb up his body an inch. Giving a sharp yet painless tug, I pull his head back and kiss and nibble along his neck.
I vaguely feel us moving towards the house and I think the door shuts, but I can’t be sure.
“Kitchen,” I say when he moves towards the stairs. “I have a surprise for you.”
Just as quickly as I jumped on him, I release him and take his hand in mine. He pouts like a child but follows me anyway.
When he enters the kitchen, his eyebrows hit his hairline and his eyes come to me. “What’s all of this?” He waves to the candles spread out along the table and sides and the steaming hot food waiting on the table.
“You deserve a well cooked meal.” I give a firm nod and pull him to the table. Pressing my hands on his shoulders, I force him to sit and wrap my arms around his neck from behind. He leans his head back against my shoulder and sighs in contentment. I kiss his cheek. “Tell me to tell you that I love you.”
