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She scoots herself around so she’s facing me. My goal today was to distract her from all that she’s—we’re both—dealing with.
Chapter 31
Sophia
Iknow I’m crossing a line of privacy by asking Gage about his therapy. It’s intrusive but I trust he won’t be offended. There’s no explanation for how I know it’s okay to broach this topic but deep down I believe Gage has the ability to help me understand my feelings.
His position is casual, but his attention on me is not—another observation I made. He always gives his full attention to whomever he’s speaking with. One could say it’s from his training as a police officer, but I think it’s just who he is. Gage Castillo is kind and caring. He looks out for others and would sacrifice for those he loves.
“What do you mean, you didn’t have a choice?”
“I have spent the last three years undercover. When you transition back to life, the department requires counseling among other things.”
A swift breeze passes through us, kicking up a little dirt in the process. I cough and wince but not at the dusting. It has more to do the fact that Gage worked undercover. All I know about that kind of work is from television, but even in a fictional story it’s dangerous.
“Was that assignment a contributing factor to your new look?”
He laughs, throwing his head back like my question is hilarious. Confused, I tilt my head hoping for an explanation. It takes him a minute to compose himself.
“Yeah, something like that. It was a slow progression from uptight cop to a badass.”
I break out in laughter and shove his arm when he looks at me, offended. His personal assessment isn’t too far off. He was absolutely uptight and the current look is badass. But it also feels more natural on him. He moves freely. His stride confident. Plus, the tattoos are like little stories I’m desperate to learn about.
“Anyway, therapy is part of the transition?”
“Yeah. Besides needing to decompress from the things I experienced, I was gone for three years. In that time I had no contact with my prior life. You can’t imagine what it’s like to...”
Gage’s eyes shift to look out into the distance. I can’t imagine a lot of things that he’s faced in his career, but being undercover for such a long time is beyond comprehension.
Placing my hand on his arm I ask, “What can’t I imagine?”
“I was going to say what it’s like to have the world go on without you. To see the people you love most move on and make new memories you aren’t a part of. And what it’s like to feel like an outsider in every aspect of your life. But you do, don’t you?”
My hand drops as his words hit me hard. I do know all of that. If this ends one day and I’m able to join society, will I fit in? Three years may not feel like a long time to most, but for me it’s an eternity. I stand and brush the dirt off my shorts before stepping toward the edge of the ridge. In the distance, the clouds are dark and the temperature seems to have dropped a few degrees.
The shuffling of feet tells me he’s standing nearby. Not too close but enough that I can feel him. Our difference in height makes it easy for him to share the same view by looking over my head.
“The first six months I was gone, I was so immersed in the operation, I didn’t realize how isolated we were from our real lives. Vargas, he was one of the guys on the team, told me he preferred the longer assignments because it meant he didn’t have to get reacquainted with the people he’d known his entire life. That seemed ridiculous to me at the time. Now, I understand.”
His words settle between us and hit a little too close to home. Turning to face him, I’m grateful to not need to crane my neck to look into his eyes. I thought he would be looking out at the valley of colors but instead, I find his focus on me.
“Maybe what we both need is to start new memories with the people we care about and not dwell on what we’ve lost. Being here in Starlight Ridge, I’ve been able to relax in ways I haven’t in years. You’ve been a huge part of that, Gage. Spending time with you has allowed me a freedom I craved for so long.” My words catch in my throat as I swallow down the emotion. “I want more of that in my life. I need to be free of the restraints put on me by a man I don’t even know.”
Before he can respond, a large roll of thunder sounds in the not-so-far distance and I jump and stumble over a rock. Catching myself before I land on my face, I’m on all fours when Gage’s hand comes to view. I slide my palm to his. It’s a simple gesture with no meaning outside of kindness, but when his fingers grip my hand, I feel something much more.
Standing, I lift my free hand to my chest and turn and look at the now almost-black sky. Oh shit. Eyes wide, I turn to Gage who has dropped my hand and moved quickly to our bags. He’s zipping his bag when a gust of wind blows the hat off my head.
“Ahhh! Crap!”
We both watch as the cap tumbles down the edge of the cliff. Gage hands me my sweatshirt and bag. You’d think with a storm rolling in I would need my hoodie. Not the case. I tie the arms of the sweatshirt around my waist and slip my arms through the straps of my backpack.
“We better get moving,” Gage shouts as another rumble of thunder roars.
Nodding, I follow him down the path. Since we’re moving downhill, our progress is much faster than it was going up. If I wasn’t worried about the storm approaching and being stuck up here, I would give more thought to how short this hike actually was. I definitely need to work on my endurance.
Gage slows his pace and turns to face me. His eyes flick to the distance but he doesn’t seem as rushed. As I approach, trying to catch my breath, I see his chest rising quickly and feel less inferior about this journey of ours.
“Are you okay? I kind of forgot my stride is longer than yours.”
