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I’m not.
“I told you. Work.” It’s not really much of a lie. It all started at work.
Ali reached into her bag and pulled out her wallet, laying cash on the table. “I’m going to use the bathroom. Let’s go check out that sale. I need a dress for the hospital gala.” She stood, ignoring Tara pointing out that she hadn’t eaten more than a few bites of her salad, and made her way to the bathroom to splash cool water on her face.
I won’t let it be if, she said to herself in the mirror, shaking her head. Cornell and me… we are not an if. We are a sure thing.
Leaving the bathroom, Ali didn’t find Tara at their table, so she made her way outside the restaurant, texting Cornell.
I’ll be home in a few hours. I’m sorry about this morning. I love you.
She frowned, hitting send. We say I’m sorry an awful lot for people who love each other so damn much.I don’t want more apologies. I want unapologetic loving. I want us back. I can’t lose a year of us because of just a few minutes of him. Ali shook her head. I’ll fix it. I’ll make him understand what happened wasn’t as bad as it could’ve been.
Outside, she glanced around, finding a tuft of Tara’s blonde ponytail sticking out from behind a man she spoke to who stood facing away, the emblem of his black Texas Tech baseball hat covering his longer hair.
Ali froze, and all the strength and resolution she had mustered in preparation to fight for her future morphed into nothing but a bad memory.
She saw that hat in her office. She saw it in the halls of the school, in the cafeteria. She saw it in her car when she drove Graham home. It occurred to Ali that she hardly ever saw Graham when he wasn’t wearing that hat. Except for maybe when he was at practice.
Except for when it fell to the pavement of his driveway as he held her down.
“Tara.” Ali’s voice was a painful, escaped whisper strangled by her closing throat as she watched Graham reach out and squeeze Tara’s shoulder.
Tara caught Ali’s eye over his shoulder, looked back at him, and laughed before walking away. “You know what a great part of having a boyfriend is?” Tara asked. “Telling the guy who ghosted you after three dates that you have a boyfriend when he asks you out.”
“What?” Ali asked.
“What’s wrong with you?”
Ali stammered. “Who was that?”
“Jamie Larson.”
Ali watched with clenched fists as the hat moved down the street, further and further away. The hat from her office. The hat from her car. The hat that probably hundreds of guys in Texas were wearing at the exact moment.
“Ali? Are you coming? I only have an hour. Let’s do a drive-by.”
Ali’s lips blubbered as she blew through a breath. “You know what, since we don’t have a ton of time, how about a rain check? I think Cornell is still out, and Mowgli probably needs a walk.”
Tara frowned. “Ali, I haven’t seen you in—”
“You know how Mowgli is. Next weekend, okay? I’ll plan better.” Ali gripped her keys tightly, trying not to focus too much on her friend’s disappointed look. He’ll take a friend from you too. Tara, who had been her best friend for over a decade, who had picked her up when she had been at her lowest, who was the reason she met Cornell in the first place.
Let him have work, Ali decided, as if she needed to reach some sort of settlement. Fuck work. If that’s out of the way, I can still have my people.
* * *
“Hey, yo! Ms. Whitaker!”
Ali’s feet couldn’t carry her fast enough down the hallway.
“Ms. Whitaker!” Dwayne called out, and she could hear his heavy quick steps following her. “Wait up.”
Fumbling with her keys in her hand, she headed toward her office. “I’m busy, Dwayne.”
“It’s Saturday, though.”
“Dwayne, not now, please.”
