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Ali spun around. “That doesn’t mean you should go and talk to someone else! That wasn’t your story to tell.” Her eyes rounded, wide, the ordinarily warm brown seeming grayer, painted with resurfaced bad memories. She shook her head furiously. “You lied to me.”
He was desperate to touch her, hold her, ground her. You’re here with me. Stay with me. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said anything. But I didn’t tell you now to… ” Cornell paused, lost in the sea of his words. “It’s a chance, Ali. To end it. We’ve come so far, Ali. You’ve come so fucking far.”
“And you dragged me right back into it. How could you do that to me?” Ali gritted out, her tone painted with betrayal. “Did you even stop to think about why I didn’t want to report it in the first place? That I’ll have to relive it? That I’ll have to convince people? I’ll have to defend myself when I am the one who needs to be defended!” Ali shouted. “It’s his word against mine. It’s my reputation, my career, part of who I am. People can use that against me. Against you.”
Cornell shook his head. “Don’t think about me. This is about you.”
“It was!” Ali exclaimed. “But you went and made this about you. You wanted to fix me, fix this. This wasn’t yours to fix, Cornell!”
“I know.” He paused, bouncing anxiously on locked legs. “I know that now… but before, I needed to do something, okay? I asked Benton about reporting it, what you would need to do, what it would mean. I couldn’t just sit back and let him get away with it like the first time. I couldn’t just let him—”
“Do it to someone else,” Ali whispered, wiping a hand over her face angrily. “Like he just did. He did that because of me. Because I let him get away with it.”
Cornell’s eyes widened. “Ali, no… ”
The words were a familiar punch to the gut, implanting the feeling of senseless guilt right back into him, and Cornell remembered every excuse he had made as to why he couldn’t stop something from happening when he had been miles away. I should’ve made sure Graham never stepped onto Hopperville’s campus. I should’ve stood my ground more. I should’ve hit him after that night in Ali’s office, so he knew not to fuck with her. I should’ve remembered to charge my phone. I should’ve never gone to the Cowboys’ game with my dad and left her alone that night. I should’ve never made amends with my dad.
“Don’t even think that, not for a second.” He grabbed her hands, using as little force as possible to get her to look at him but also to ground himself and to push the should’ves aside. They had no place there in their home, in the present, between the two of them. Because none of those changed a thing.
“Ali, he did that because he’s a rapist.”
Ali sobbed.
“I wanted you to know that you still have a choice. And whatever you choose, I’m here.” He squeezed her hands. “I can’t believe I didn’t tell you that. I should’ve told you back then. I will support you through anything. I’ll defend you through anything. I couldn’t that night. But I can now. I will now. I’ll stand with you in the dark. For however long it takes.” Cornell dropped her hands and cupped her cheeks. “Forever.”
* * *
They sat in the police station for over an hour before the two detectives called Ali back. Cornell had to grit his teeth and tighten every muscle in his body to prevent himself from following his instinct, to go with her into the room where he wasn’t welcome.
But like all of Ali’s healing, this was something Cornell couldn’t do for her no matter how much he wanted to. This was something Ali needed to do on her own. And he would have to wait in the uncomfortable, creaky chair where he sat for another two hours before Ali appeared in the small reception area of Hopperville’s police station.
Cornell clenched his fists, hating to see the flush of her face, the exhaustion in her eyes that he knew tears had passed through at some point when she was back there. A female detective kindly touched her arm, offering her a card, and Cornell stood.
“Let’s go home,” he said, wrapping an arm around her cautiously, unsure of just how Ali might be feeling. But relief flowed freely through his veins when she leaned into his side.
Cornell squinted as they left the police station, hit with the bright sunlight of the afternoon, and Ali paused beside him. “Can we sit?” she asked. “I could use some air.”
They made their way over and sat on a bench in the middle of the municipal lawn, and Ali took a deep, heavy breath and dropped her head into her hands.
God, this is my fault. I never should’ve said anything.
“I’m sorry,” Cornell said, knowing that telling Ali about Graham’s news influenced her decision to report it. He rubbed small circles on her back, fighting the urge to pull Ali into his lap.
“No. Don’t be. It was meant to be this way,” Ali said into her palms.
“What do you mean?”
She tilted her head to peek at him. “The police are going to call you.”
“Me?” Cornell asked, his face masked in confusion. “Why?”
Ali straightened, clasping her hands. “They need a receipt.”
“A receipt?” What is she talking about?
Taking a shaky breath, Ali twirled the ring on her finger. “You were wrong that night in the hotel about me being everything.” She pressed her lips tightly together and looked at him. “It’s always been about something, not everything.”
She’s physically and mentally exhausted and not making sense.
