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After the longest hour of my life while the owner runs us through the rules and safety procedures, I’m being suited up with more protective gear than the swat team probably wears. I’m not sure how I’m expected to move around like this.
Liam looks over after he adjusts the strap on his own helmet, and gives me a grin. “How do you feel?” he asks me.
“Hot. And stiff. ”
He laughs and hands over my paint ball gun. I look at it and then back up to him. His grin grows and he walks over to show me how it works.
“I think you got it, darlin’, just point and shoot. Just don’t shoot anyone on our team. ”
“How do I know they’re on our team?” I ask lamely.
He taps my yellow helmet and then points to his own. “Avoid the yellow. ”
“Right, avoid the yellow,” I gulp.
I kept chanting that as we make our way out the door into the back of the center. The whole thing looks like some weird obstacle course. There are different areas clearly meant to shield and some that look like my worst physical education nightmare come to life.
“Ready?” the owner asks when we make it to the group of ten or so other people all geared up in yellow and blue helmets.
Avoid the yellow. Avoid the yellow.
“When you hear the buzzer, go. ”
Shit, I missed everything else he said. Liam looks over and gives me a wink through his goggles and when I hear the buzzer sound I watch as everyone scatters. Liam grabs my hand and pulls me toward one of the bunker like shielded areas. It takes me a few seconds to get my head in the game, but when I hear Liam laugh, I watch as he pops his head around the side before pulling his gun up to pop off a few shots. I hear a grunt and then a muted curse before Liam turns with an even bigger smile.
My blood is pulsing through my veins so hard that I can hear it roaring in my ears. I can’t figure out if I’m feeling pure fear or excitement. My mind is telling me to run, but the look of joy on Liam’s face, transforming him from handsome to panty-soaking gorgeous, makes me want to keep it there.
My hands shake as I pull myself up and peer around the side. I see a few yellow helmets, but my gaze zeros in on one lone blue one with her back to me. With a ridiculous amount of jittering, I bring my own gun up and let off a few pops. When I hit her clear in the back with one of my yellow paint balls the adrenaline rushing through my body spikes, and I feel like my body might explode with excitement.
I can’t explain the feelings running through my system. When I drop back down to where Liam is waiting and turn to look at him, the smile on my face can’t be stopped.
I’m having fun. So much fun that I don’t even think. I drop my gun and grab his padded shoulders and give him a huge hug.
When I pull back, his smile matches my own.
“Let’s do this!” I exclaim.
He gives me a nod and for the next thirty minutes I feel, just like he asked, and for the first time in a long time, while the adrenaline is rushing around and my heart is about to beat out of my chest, I’m looking forward to every second that is to come.
Page 29
“LET ME PUT ICE ON it, please,” Liam asks for the tenth time since we pulled up at my house.
I look over at him with a smile, the same smile that hasn’t left since my first hit during the paintball game. Not even when one of the last blue players got me right in the back of my thigh and the burning pain caused me to face plant in the middle of the field. Of course, the pain was easily forgotten when I watched Liam stop and turn sharply and pelt the guy with one try before he dropped down to make sure I was okay.
That smile was shining bright when I watched Liam hand his phone over to the owner, grab me by my middle and position me in front of him. It was still shining huge when his phone came up, flash went off, and I know that had I looked when Liam did, I would see one big wonky smile on my face in that picture.
If the look on his face was any indication, he liked seeing that big wonky smile. He liked it a lot.
I still haven’t come down from my high. I look up, smiling at him and shake my head.
“It’s going to hurt more if we don’t put ice on it. ”
“I feel fine,” I tell him and honestly I am. It’s sore, but it doesn’t hurt. Well, it doesn’t hurt that much.
He looks up from where he’s been studying my thigh and gives me a long accessing look.
“What?” I ask him.
“Nothing, darlin’, nothing at all. ”
He doesn’t take his gaze from mine. I look down at where he’s kneeling against the floor and just drink him in. Today has been the most fun that I’ve had in a long time. All because of Liam.
“You feel it yet?” he asks after a few minutes.
“Huh?”
He opens his mouth to respond but snaps it shut when the front door opens and I hear my precious daughter laughing at the top of her lungs.
“Mommy! I got to ride in a monster truck!”
My eyes widen and I look at Liam in shock. I had called Dani earlier when it became apparent that my kidnapper wasn’t going to give up, and asked her if she could get Molly from school. I know Dani doesn’t own a monster truck. The thought of my daughter in a monster truck scares the crap out of me.
“Breathe,” Liam says softly.
“Right. ” I take a deep breath and nod my head, looking deep into his eyes.
Molly rounds the corner that separates the front hall and the living room, her infectious smile causing me to give her one of my own. When Nate comes into the room, my smile slips slightly.
“You aren’t Dani,” I tell him.
“Nope. I’m prettier. Right, Mols?”
She giggles and gives him a hug. “Yup! Hi, Lee! Mommy, look, Lee’s here!” She turns from where Nate is standing and bounces toward Liam. I hold my breath and wait to see what she’ll do next. It seems, if her leaping into his lap is any indication, that my girl is getting attached to all of these men in her life.
I ignore the slight pain in my chest when Jack’s face crosses my mind and will myself to not think about the things that he’s missing in her life.
“Hey, little lady. ”
I look away when I see the look of reverence in her eyes. Yeah, my girl sure is hooked.
“Where is Dani?” I ask Nate, avoiding the look on Liam’s face as he gazes at my precious daughter.
“She’s in time out,” Nate tells me, ignoring my shocked face and dropping down to hold his arms out. “What? I’m prettier than that troll, Mols! Has my beauty let you down?” He throws his hand over his forehead and drops to the ground in a dramatic faint.
Molly claps her little hands and giggles at Nate’s antics. I swear, this girl.
I look over when Liam laughs and scoops Molly up in his arms.
“Be gone you ugly ogre! Princess Molly has no time for the likes of you!”
My eyes widen and I watch in fascination as the two huge alpha males play with Molly effortlessly. Of course my daughter is eating up every second of this. I sit there, watching and in the middle of her beautiful laughter I feel like the walls are closing in on me. Not in a bad way, necessarily, but it hits me that this is something that I’ve been keeping from her. By closing myself off and making it so nothing and no one can come close enough to form bonds that can break, I’ve also kept Molly locked up.
I’ve kept my innocent daughter from experiencing relationships of others. Sure, I can justify it away that I’m keeping her from the pain if we were to lose someone else, but what is that teaching her?
My God, I’m teaching her fear.
Fear for the unknown and that fear will keep her from having the beautiful life that I so wish she will have.
Page 30
With wooden legs, I stand. They don’t notice, the three of them having too much fun chasing each other around my living room. Their laughter trails after me as I walk down
the hall, into my bedroom, and finally my bathroom. This is the safest room for me to hide away and let the guilt of what my own fear has pressed upon my daughter.
I want to move past this. I know deep down that this is the unhealthiest way of living. I should move on. Jack is gone and there isn’t anything that can bring him back. Logically I know that, but mentally I don’t know if I can handle jumping over that last hurdle.
It really is time to move on.
Right there in my bathroom, I let the last of my grief over losing Jack bleed out. Knowing that I’ve been so wrong to stay locked tight for this long. But, just because I’ve accepted that, doesn’t mean it doesn’t kill me to let those last bits of fear start to leave my body.
I lean against the counter and focus my thoughts. Looking up at where the mirror used to be, I suddenly can’t keep it locked up anymore. But instead of tears, a manic hysterical bubble of laughter comes shooting out.
