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DAG 6
Laying down next to Esmeralda the whole night had me ready to howl in frustration. I never thought that being this hard was possible. Fuck. I need to convince her that I’m the good guy and that what I say is the truth. I could see in her expression when I told her she was mine that she doesn’t trust me. I know that she has been hurt, that she has gone through hell in her short life. Enough hell to have her suspicious of men, and suspicious of our intentions.
I still can’t believe that I found my mate—that one woman we all dream of one day finding. The woman that calms my fury and brings light into my life. Even though Esmeralda and I aren’t fully mated yet, I know with the more time that passes, she will get as frustrated as I am, and will eventually concede to my touch. I want more than that; I want her to concede because she wants me and not because our bond deems it.
When I kissed her yesterday, every particle in my being screamed for me to take her—to make her fully mine. But I couldn’t push her. I can’t force something on her which she isn’t prepared for. I have a feeling that she has had enough of that in her life without me doing the same.
“What’s up, Brother?”
Glancing over my shoulder, I see Garth walking into the workshop with his helmet in his hand. I wish I could just drop everything and go for a ride. There is nothing like speeding down the highway, with the wind blowing all around me, to calm my thoughts. But there’s no way that I’m going to leave Esmeralda by herself yet.
I grunt. “Nothing.”
“Oh? Is that why that spanner is looking all twisted?”
Looking down at my hand, I grunt in annoyance as I realize that I have crumpled the iron tool with frustration.
“Fuck,” I mutter as I throw it against the wall.
“Want to talk about it?” Garth asks, as he places the helmet on the handlebars of his Harley and turns to face me.
“I’m just fucking frustrated. Finding a mate isn’t all it’s said to be.”
Garth leans against his bike and crosses his arms, waiting for me to elaborate.
“How am I supposed to bond with my mate, when she has clearly been hurt before? When she’s running scared and suspicious about everyone and everything?”
“This isn’t like you, Dag. You’re the most patient son of a bitch that I know,” Garth states. “Don’t let this business with the Desperados mess with your mind. We will stop them from getting to your woman. All you need to do is convince her that she belongs here, and that you are here for her.”
Lifting my hand, I run my fingers through my short hair. He’s right, I am patient, but having her close and not being able to touch her is messing with me.
“I want to go out there and kill everyone that ever harmed her,” I mutter in anger as I turn back to my Harley to continue changing my exhaust.
“You will get your chance. For now, get to know your woman. I hear that they like that shit.”
I glance over my shoulder with a frown. “Like what?”
“Talking. Apparently, women like talking about feelings and shit.”
I turn slightly to look at him again. “How do you know that?” I ask with a raised brow, which has him shrugging as he picks up his helmet to slide it on.
“Don’t know, read it somewhere”, he says as he sits on his bike.
“Are you reading about relationships, Bro?”
He returns my question with his finger before he starts his bike. The drone of the engine reverberates around us as I wait for him to ride out before I go back to what I was doing. He has a point; I should take this time to get to know Esmeralda instead of trying to keep away from her. She will only accept me if she gets to know me. If she spends time with me, then she’ll realize that I won’t hurt her, and that I don’t want her to do anything that she doesn’t want to do.
This morning when I walked into the kitchen and found Freya making breakfast, I thought it would be a good idea for Esmeralda to be around other woman instead of just me. I thought that it would give her some kind of comfort to see that the women here are treated well and are taken care of.
Tightening the last bolt, I stand, rubbing my hands down the front of my jeans. It’s time to go see how Esmeralda is doing. I know that it’s not going to be easy being around my mate and not touching her or kissing her, but I will make her see that she is meant for me, that she can’t live without me. I turn to make my way inside when Colborn walks in.
“You’re here early,” he says as he scratches his unshaven jaw. “Couldn’t sleep?”
“Just wanted to change my pipes while I had the time.” I see Colborn look behind me towards my bike, then his eyebrows raise as a grin splits his face.
“Never seen pipes on a bike like that before. Looks very retro,” he quips.
I look back at my bike, only to grunt in anger when I see that I have screwed the pipes on the wrong way.
