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“I mean… I—like youin the sense of… if… you wanted to continue the benefits thing for —um—longer, then I would be up for that.”
She jerked back like he’d made to hit her.
The nuances of the term “foot in mouth” were beginning to sink in when she replied coolly, “Thank you, Aaron. I’m flattered.”
He shoved a hand through his hair. “That came out wrong.”
“On the contrary, it probably came out exactly right,” she said. God, you could tell she had aristocratic British genes in her.
“Al—” He tried to reach for her but she snatched her hand back.
“Actually, I have a confession to make too. I’ve decided to turn over a new leaf,” she continued icily. “I’ve promised myself not to behave like Rowena, not to lie and disseminate. To be scrupulously up front and honest henceforward.” Where in hell’s name was she going with this? With a toss of the head, Alice looked him squarely in the eye. “So, Aaron, since we’re baring our souls to each other, here’s my take on things. I’ve enjoyed it too. The whole fake dating thing, flirting practice––the benefits arrangement. It’s been very nice, all of it. I’ve learned a lot; some wonderful new positions, found out what butt plugs are, even. But I don’t want to continue with it.” She paused and his eyes fell on her breasts rising and falling sharply.
“Why not?” he croaked out.
“Because I’ve a lot more than ‘liked’ for you for a very long time.”
Aaron’s brows creased. “I’m not sure I understand.”
Her head bowed and he found himself staring at her neat parting. Slightly to one side of her head. An achingly sweet little wisp of chestnut had escaped, and she tucked it around the back of her ear.
“Do you remember meeting me?”
“Yes. Of course.” He laughed nervously. “A girl going blue in the face behind the lecture theatre is not easily forgotten.” Wrong again, if that flash of a sad smile was anything to go by.
“When I looked up and saw you, and you talked me down from my panic and counted with me and gave me your phone number and said any time I needed to talk… I knew… I kind of…” She stopped abruptly, her throat moving like it was hard to swallow. “Notkindof—I absolutely did fall in love with you.”
“You fell in love with me?”
“Yes. And I’ve been in love with you ever since.”
He stared at her, his mouth dropping open.
Alice had been in love with him forfive years!
And great big doofus that he was, he’d never realised. Never even thought… all the times… Christ… all those times he’d taken advantage of her generosity, dossed on her sofa, eaten her food, got her to hide his keys so he wouldn’t drive drunk and borrowed towels to cover his naked morning glory… All the times he’d hurled expletives at her when she’d whipped Mayfair and Park Lane from under his nose; the tips he’d asked for on how to nicely extricate himself from this woman, that woman.
He groaned. “Oh god, Alice. No.” Her eyes widened behind her glasses. “Not, like no bad, no, I mean—”
He was flailing wildly for words as she sprang up, hands clenched tightly at her sides. “I get it, Aaron. I get it. You’re about fun and frivolity and three months maximum. But the problem is I’m not that kind of person. I’m much more like Rowena than I thought —a one guy for life kind of person. And the trouble is, you’re not the guy to be having ‘for life’ feelings for. So, I think”—she sucked in an audible breath—“I think it would be best if we don’t see each other for a while.”
He wanted to scream at her “I am.I amthat guy.” But the problem was insurmountable. He had no proof. No track record. The enormity of the task floored him. How did you compare five weeks to five years? As a lawyer, he knew the truth of it was unequivocal. Guilty as charged. He had been a superficial, commitment-phobic jerk.
“H-how long are you talking about?” he managed out of dry lips.
Alice shrugged. “However long it takes for me to see you and not love you. To only ‘like you’. Better still, to be completely indifferent to you. I’m going home now.” She raised her hand as he made to get up. “And no, I don’t need you to come with me. I’m absolutely fine without you.”
Helplessly, he watched as she weaved her way through the tables, ponytail bobbing down her back until she disappeared onto the busy street.
Absolutely fine without him.
