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“You said that, not me,” Ian replied, fighting to keep his voice level.
“I see.” Sofia pushed herself off from the doorframe. “So, what’s the plan, then? Are you going to keep him home, under round-the-clock surveillance? Like he’s in a goldfish bowl or a bubble? That’s the only way to ever be sure he’s doing exactly what he’s supposed to be doing at all times.”
“Jesus, Sofia!” Ian snapped. Anger burning through him, he added, “This is our fault.”
“What? Why would you say that?”
“If we’d just kept our hands to ourselves and not let things get to the point where there was something for Gavin to walk in on, this wouldn’t have happened.”
When Sofia didn’t reply, the silence hung hard between them.
“There’s more to ‘this’ than Gavin catching us in bed,” Sofia said eventually, her eyes blazing dark fire in her pale face. “Or was your ideal scenario that we simply never told him about his brother or sister?”
“What? You know damn well that is not what I meant,” Ian barked. Did she think he planned to turn his back on their baby just to make his life easier? He thought she knew him better than that. He prided himself on his honor, and that had kicked him where it hurt.
“Look, let’s take a breath here.” Sofia inhaled slowly, perhaps expecting him to do the same.
Ian didn’t.
“Can we sit?” Sofia stepped into the kitchen and pulled out a chair at the table.
Ian didn’t follow.
He could see that Sofia was getting frustrated, but she gave it one more try. “Ian, you do realize you’re blaming me and our relationship because you’re mad at yourself, and you can’t admit it?”
Each word she uttered hit him like a lash. He felt raw, exposed, flayed open for her to read everything about him. And he didn’t like the feeling one bit. And underneath that aggravation was his fear for his son—out there in the city, vulnerable and out of reach. He was the team’s strategist; he was always supposed to have a plan. But he had no idea how to deal with any of this, and the uncertainty was driving him up the wall. “Gavin’s my son. My responsibility.” Ian wanted to say more, but didn’t know exactly what. He clenched his teeth.
“Fine. I’ll change the subject to something I maybe do have a say in.” Sofia stood, the wooden kitchen table between them. “This relationship. Our relationship. What does it mean to you, Ian? Where do you see it going? Because I’m not liking the tone of this conversation.”
“Sofia, is this really the time to—”
She held up a hand, stopping him. “No, don’t you dare try to put me off. We need to talk about this now. Because I feel like as much as you want me around, you bristle whenever I try to help with Gavin, as if I’m overstepping by acting like I’m part of your life.” Sofia pushed her hair, loose about her face, back over her shoulders. “Ian, I’m not trying to play stepmother, but—”
The laugh that burst from Ian held no humor, just bitterness. “Of course you are; that’s exactly how you’re behaving! As if your opinion means just as much as mine, even though we’re talking about my kid, not yours.”
Sofia jerked back like he’d slapped her. “So I’m only allowed to be here if I sit down and shut up? I have no say in this relationship? I’m not really a part of the family? What kind of relationship is that?”
“I never wanted a relationship,” Ian spat out, the words almost flying out of his mouth. “You knew that. I told you. It was one of the first things I told you.” Ian regretted saying it, but he couldn’t seem to stop himself from plowing on. “I said that I wasn’t in the right headspace for a relationship and yet—” He shut up, not wanting to say anything that could hurt Sofia.
“And yet I’m trapping you into one.” Sofia dropped the assessment slowly, like the words were stones she was letting fall one by one. “I got pregnant, so now you’re stuck in a relationship you didn’t want.”
“I never said that.” But he’d thought it. Not all of it—the pregnancy was a blessing and he refused to see it any other way. The relationship with Sofia, though…it wasn’t what he’d wanted. And it did mess with his head in ways that made him feel off balance and out of control. Even the parts of it that were amazing…they scared him, too, because he wasn’t used to feeling that way. It was as if he had fallen into feelings for her so deep and so fast that he’d never be able to swim his way free. And yes, that felt a little like being trapped.
“You don’t have to. Ian, I think it’s better if I leave. Now. Tonight.” The way she held both hands up in a stop gesture kept him rooted to the spot. “I’m not storming out in a snit or cutting you off from the baby. Once he or she is born, we can talk about how to share custody. I’ll keep you updated about my medical appointments and any news. But that’s it. Clearly, that’s all that you want. Which means that this is for the best.”
Her matter-of-factness made his head spin and his heart hurt. Any word he tried to speak died in his throat. He watched her move around the kitchen, putting away all the food she’d taken out to cook for them, her movements precise. It must be how she was in her lab, he supposed, things organized in their places.
“Where are you planning on going?” Ian asked. “Your house still isn’t ready.”
“I’ll move in with my mother for now. It’s a little far for the drive to school, but it’s manageable.”
“You’ll still need security.” Ian tilted his head. If she thought he’d wash his hands of her, then she really didn’t know him at all.
“Please have either Eric or Charlie handle any security issues for me.” The kitchen tidied, Sofia pulled her sweater from the back of the chair.
Ian forced himself to be as practical as her. “I’ll ask Eric.” Sure, there hadn’t been any incidents since the fire, but Ian had chalked that up to the attacker knowing that she wasn’t an easy target because Ian was there, keeping her safe. But he wouldn’t be around anymore. “So that’s it?”
“I’ll gather my things.” With one last long look at him, one Ian couldn’t quite decipher, Sofia left the room.
Ian wanted to follow, but to do what? Emotions raged through him—anger, bitterness, hurt, confusion, regret. There he stood, as if stuck to the floor, and one thought kept rolling through his mind.
He’d been the one to do the running when he and his ex-wife broke up. But Sofia was the one leaving here, and he didn’t like it, not one bit.
Suddenly cold, Ian shivered.
