AllFreeNovel
Share Us
“Huh?” Ryan looked up from where he was deep in conversation with a guy Hannah vaguely recognized from Cloade. “Sorry, what did you say?”
“Well, that just makes you a fucking Marxist, then, doesn’t it!” the other man crowed, ignoring the interjection.
“I’m heading back,” Hannah said, raising her voice. “Sorry I didn’t get your pint, I couldn’t get served.”
“No worries,” Ryan said. “Look, Rich, if you want to call basic redistributive fiscal policy Marxism—”
“I’ll, um, come with you,” Hugh said to Hannah, rather diffidently. “Walk you over and all that.”
Hannah smiled at him gratefully. Since her encounter with Neville in the cloisters, she had found herself glancing over her shoulder more and more at night. Running footsteps behind her set her heart racing and her adrenaline spiking, and since Dr. Myers had announced his intention of speaking to Neville about the “allegations,” she had lived in real fear that he might have done so, with or without her permission. The possibility that Neville might seek her out to ask her what the hell she was playing at, accusing him of assault, was all too real. The idea of having someone to walk her was immensely comforting.
“If you’re sure then, yes, please, Hugh,” she said. Hugh picked up his jacket from the bench and together they forged their way towards the exit.
They got there at the same time as a group of girls, and Hugh immediately stood back, opening the door for the first with a little bow.
“Yeah, all right, mate,” the girl said as she passed through. “I do have arms, you know. Christ, this isn’t the 1920s anymore.”
They pushed past Hugh, laughing, and disappeared across the quad.
“Thank you, Hugh,” Hannah said apologetically as Hugh held the door open for her. The air outside was pleasantly cool and clear after the fug of the bar.
“You’re welcome,” Hugh said a little sadly, and Hannah felt a sudden wave of protective anger wash over her. Hugh was so nice. He had been the only person to notice she didn’t want to walk back alone, and the only person who had been any real support in organizing tonight, in spite of the fact that April certainly wasn’t his best friend. In fact, she had always treated him with a kind of amused disdain, bossing him around, making him fetch and carry and generally do her bidding. And Hugh—Hugh just put up with it, with that good-natured smile. And so what if his courtesies were old-fashioned—it was his way of trying to relate to girls. Not everyone could have Will’s easy charm, or pull off Ryan’s goading banter. Holding a door open was hardly the crime of the century.
She laced her arm through his, squeezing it affectionately as they began to trace the familiar route back along the graveled path of Old Quad. It was hard to tell in the dim light from the moon and the lamps dotted around the quad, but she thought Hugh looked tired and drawn.
“How are you doing? Are you okay?”
“Oh, you know. All right,” Hugh said. He gave a little deprecating shrug. “I have to be honest, I’m pretty stressed about the prelim results. I’m fairly sure I fluffed the paper I took after April’s first night.”
“You are?” Hannah was surprised. She thought of Will saying Hugh was the brainiest chap in our year. “But—look, I’m sure you’re worrying over nothing. Everyone always thinks they flunked until they get the results. It’ll be fine.”
“Will it?” Hugh’s face twisted. He looked, Hannah thought with shock, as if he was trying to keep back tears. “You know they don’t let you fail medicine. If you don’t keep up, you’re politely asked to leave. This year… well, it’s been a bit of a shock, to be honest. Carne wasn’t exactly tolerant of slackers, but it felt like the masters were on your side, helping you to keep up. Pelham… it just feels like you’re struggling alone, afraid of letting everyone down. Do you know what I mean?”
Hannah said nothing. She wasn’t sure what she could say. The truth was, she didn’t feel that way, and she hadn’t found the jump nearly as hard as she had feared. She had never felt particularly like anyone at Dodsworth was on her side. Sure, they wanted her to do well, but she was just one out of hundreds of students in her year. And she certainly didn’t feel scared of letting anyone down. They were just delighted she had gotten this far.
Of all the group, Hannah thought as they rounded the corner, she probably knew Hugh the least. Brash, witty Ryan; dry, sarcastic Emily—she had known them for less than a year, and yet it felt like a lifetime. She had heard their worn anecdotes, she knew their catchphrases, she had heard about their friends from home and their first times and their nightmare exes. With April she shared the easy intimacy only roommates can, the person who sees you first thing in the morning, who hears you groaning over your essay, who knows when you’ve got period pains, who sees you swigging milk from the carton.
Even Will, who was emotionally reserved in a way that the others were not, she knew about his time at boarding school, his militarily minded father, his softhearted mum, his acrimonious breakup with April’s friend Olivia. She knew which tutors he hated and what he planned to specialize in next year.
But Hugh—Hugh she had known none of what was going through his head, until he told her. Now she felt a rush of sympathy for him, dealing with his academic worries by himself. Sure, he had Will, but Will had dozens of friends—and April, of course. Hugh had just one, and for the first time she realized how lonely it must be for him when Will was away, or wrapped up with April.
“You should have said something,” she said now. “I had no idea you were so worried. And why did you come to April’s first night? You should have told her to piss off.”
“Oh well.” Hugh’s face twisted. “I just… she was so worked up, you know? And April… she’s not very easy to say no to.”
Hannah said nothing. That she could understand.
“I can’t afford to cock this up,” Hugh said as they passed underneath the Cherwell Arch, which separated Old Quad from the Fellows’ Garden. “My parents aren’t well off, you know. Not like Will’s. My father’s just a GP, my mother’s a stay-at-home mum. They really scrimped and saved to send me to private school, and Pelham—well, it’s all they’ve ever wanted. My dad went here, and he was so proud when I got in after him. I’m an only child so I’m really—I’m all they’ve got. I can’t let them down. I just can’t.”
“You won’t,” Hannah said, surprised by the desperation in his voice. She squeezed his arm, feeling his thin muscles tense beneath his jacket. “And you know what, even if you have failed, which I don’t think you have, so what? They’ll still love you, won’t they?”
Hugh only shrugged again, and then, as if trying to change the subject, he cleared his throat and said, “I can feel your goose bumps. Do you want my jacket?”
It was folded over his arm and Hannah stopped, facing him, and touched his face for a moment.
“Hugh, why are you so kind?” she asked, and Hugh gave a little shrug.
“I don’t know. Just that kind of ass, I suppose.”
