AllFreeNovel
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Dad is naked too, his junk barely covered by the table.
Things just get worse from there. Dad’s mouth is headed for one of the pieces of uni sashimi that’s sitting on a shiso leaf covering Mom’s hoo-ha—and I’m not sure that my sister Olive did me a favor when she informed me that uni is made from the reproductive glands of the sea urchin.
The words that escape my mouth are more of a squeal. “What in the actual hell?”
Mom turns our way, and if she’s embarrassed, I sure as fuck can’t tell. “Oops. You two are back early.”
“Oops?” I stomp my foot like I’m four again. “That’s what you have to say about this? Oops?”
Stopping his disturbing trajectory, Dad stands up and gives me a stern glare. “Don’t talk like that to your mother.”
Oh, my eyes.
My poor eyes.
The table is no longer hiding Dad’s privates.
I’d blind myself with the nearby chopsticks, but who knows where they’ve been?
My cheeks must be redder than the salmon covering Mom’s nipple as I squeeze out, “I’m going to the living room and will only speak with the two of you after you’ve gotten dressed.”
Ignoring their replies, I stomp out, and Art follows me.
Once in the living room, he whispers, “Hey. They have a healthy love life. It’s a good thing.”
Great. That’s what I need right now—my fake husband discussing the healthiness of my parents’ bedroom (and kitchen) habits.
“I think Fluffer could use more hay.” I walk over to the mansion to reload the tray.
Fluffer watches me like a furry hawk.
Turns out there is a fate worse than merely getting killed for food. That fate is being turned into sashimi, placed atop a giant’s naked body, and eaten.
My parents appear, finally dressed.
“I’m not going to apologize for being a sexual being,” Mom says right off the bat.
I suck in a calming breath. “What about ignoring basic hygiene on our kitchen table?”
At this, Mom and Dad do exchange guilty glances.
“If you tell me where you keep your cleaning products, I’ll wash the table,” Mom offers.
I’m very tempted to tell them that the table is now theirs, but Art speaks first. “Don’t worry. I’ll take care of the cleaning tomorrow morning.”
The look Dad gives Art is almost worshipful. “Thank you… son.”
Are those tears in Dad’s eyes? Does he want another man in the family this badly, or is he thatbummed about the coitus interruptus?
I snap my fingers to get their attention. “New rule: everyone can be sexual beings, but not while we’re all together in this small apartment.”
Mom looks intensely disappointed but nods. Dad tugs on his beard and lifts his hand to count his fingers. “Okay,” he finally says. “Eighteen more hours. I guess we can do that.”
“Good. And no sushi or peanut butter.” I have no idea what they do with the latter, but better safe than sorry.
Mom and Dad nod again.
I relax marginally. “Let’s talk sleeping arrangements. I think you guys should take the master bed, while Art and I—”
