AllFreeNovel
Share Us
ADDISON
I’m sitting in the doctor’s office waiting room, nerves lighting through me, my leg jumping like a five-year-old in a bouncy castle. I’m sucking hard on a peppermint candy that’s burning my tongue raw.
I don’t especially like peppermint, but it’s the only thing keeping me from barfing in the bathroom right now, so I pop them into my mouth one after another.
I already came in last week ago for a blood test, and surprise, surprise—or not really at all, since the eight at-home tests I took had already confirmed it—it was positive. They took the birth control out of my arm during the same visit, which was due to come out in a few months anyway.
Maybe the hormones ran out, maybe I’m in the unlucky one percent whose birth control fails, or maybe Chase has super sperm. Regardless, I’m pregnant, and despite already being twelve weeks along, I still don’t know how to feel about it all.
I’d like to think that in a different world, one where I was in a committed relationship, or hell, even just a relationship period, this news would have come as less of a shock. But as it is, I’m struggling to put all of the tiny pieces together to get to the big picture.
I haven’t even contacted Chase yet, which is probably the most important—but also the scariest—part of all this. I’ve wanted to reach out to him, but I also wanted to make it to my first ultrasound appointment first.
I knew our coupling was nothing more than a vacation fling, but that didn’t stop my feelings from naturally developing, and his abrupt departure showed me that we didn’t seem to be on the same page in that department.
Embarrassingly, I stooped so low as to look him up on social media the first week I returned home and there was nothing. No Instagram, no Facebook, not even a LinkedIn profile. Even a Google search only turned up a few news articles on his company.
So basically, I’m pregnant by a man who had no intentions of keeping me around, and the only personal information I know about him is his place of employment.
Real classy, Addison.
With all of that heavy on my mind, all I’ve been able to do is take it day by day, and when I’m exhausted, hormonal, and throwing up every few hours, I’m taking it minute by freaking minute.
“Addison McCormick.”
I snap my head up, plastering a tense smile on my face as I head toward the nurse. She asks my date of birth, and I answer with a shaky voice as she leads me down the long hallway and into the sonogram room. I’ve been a nervous wreck waiting for this day, but when I step into the room, I find the dull lighting calming.
“Okay, you can put your stuff down in that chair and then just lie here, all the way up at the top.” She motions toward the long chair next to the computer and ultrasound machine. After I lie down, she raises my legs gently and slips a pillow underneath my knees.
“Now, just unbutton the top of your jeans and roll them and your underwear down your hips.”
I do as she says while she tucks a big paper square into my waistband, pushing my jeans further down my hips. I try to shake off the uncomfortable feeling of bareness, but at least at this angle, my bloat isn’t noticeable. The nurse brings over a light blanket to cover myself with, and I thank her quickly.
“The sono tech will be right in,” she says and then turns to leave the room.
I find myself snuggling into the chair, trying to calm my nerves. I only wait a few minutes longer until the tech enters the room, her perky blonde ponytail swinging as she walks.
Her voice is full of sunshine as she greets me. “Good morning, Addison. My name’s Ashley. What do you say we take a look at your baby?”
I give her a small smile, adjusting the blanket so it’s only covering my legs. My fingers play mindlessly on the pockets of my jeans, my nerves struggling to break free from me.
“This will be warm and goopy, but don’t worry, I’ll get you all cleaned up before I send you out of here, okay?” she sing-songs. True to her word, the gel she splats onto my abdomen is warm, and when she grabs the thick rectangle wand in her hand, I almost stop breathing.
“Ready?” she asks quietly. Without waiting for my response, she places the wand a few inches beneath my belly button and pushes down on my stomach. My head snaps forward, searching the TV on the wall in front of me, and in seconds, a little gray body fills the screen.
“Oh my god.” My voice feels foreign to my ears. I feel like an outsider eavesdropping in on someone else’s personal moment, because how could that little baby actually be mine?
My hand flies to my stomach, knocking into the wand and landing in the warm gel. “Sorry,” I mumble, but Ashley just smiles and hands me a few Kleenex.
“Is this your first?” she asks. I nod silently and she grins, continuing her perusal. “The female body is pretty incredible, isn’t it?”
I can’t be bothered to answer or even clean off my fingers because I’m too entranced with what’s happening on the TV. Ashley is measuring each part of the baby’s body, speaking her actions out loud as she goes. The baby wiggles away a few times, so she has to push harder or change her angle to get what she needs. The whole time, I’m amazed that this little being is swimming around inside of me, my little being, and I can’t even feel it.
“Okay, everything looks great,” Ashley says, ripping a shiny black-and-white card from the print outs and handing it to me. “Here’s a picture for you to take with you. I’ll send all of this over to the doctor, and she’ll contact you if she needs anything, but first, let’s hear that heartbeat.” She pushes a few buttons on the machine and then slides the wand back into the pool of slime.
After a few seconds, a loud, repeating thunk, thunk pulses in the air. Tears prick my eyes, and time seems to stand still entirely as I take it in the sound of my baby. My baby.
In this moment, all my doubts and worries wash away. It doesn’t matter that I barely have my shit together and still have no clear vision for my immediate future, and it doesn’t matter how Chase will react to the news. Whether we raise this baby together or I raise it on my own, I know I can do this.
