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“Well, that just makes it all okay, then.” I sigh, shaking my head and lowering my voice. “We’re done, Ethan.”
“Let’s not be hasty.” Ethan holds up his hands in front of him as he sits up straighter in his seat. I’m not sure he’s had to grovel a day in his life, so this is a new look for him. “The wedding is in two weeks. Everyone who’s important to our families and careers will be there. Surely we can slap a smile on our faces for a few hours.”
He pauses briefly to catch his breath, then goes on in a gravelly whisper. “Tell me what I need to do so we can move on from this.”
No wonder my father has always liked him—they’re both full of the same bullshit ideals, where appearances are more important than what’s actually happening behind closed doors. Shame stings my eyes. How have I stuck by him for so long despite such a major character flaw?
With equal parts frustration and sadness, my icy gaze locks on to his indignant one. I remember the first time I found myself lost in those mossy-green eyes. I was a naïve eighteen-year-old who had known nothing but the world catering to my every whim.
The moment I saw him in my Critical Reasoning class my freshman year at Stanford, I wanted him. I walked right up to him and informed him he was taking me out that Friday night. While the guys he’d been talking to quieted in surprise, his gaze didn’t waver.
I learned quickly that Ethan Brown was used to having everything handed to him on a silver platter, and I’d made myself no different. But looking into those same eyes now, he feels like nothing more than a stranger.
“Oh my god,” I mutter, thrusting my head between my knees to stop the wave of nausea bubbling in my stomach. Ethan touches my back, slowly rubbing up and down, and for just a moment, I let myself appreciate the gesture.
How had it come to this? For all our faults, the affection Ethan and I shared in the beginning had been genuine.
Those early years, before the pressure of law school and the firm, we were inseparable. We spent all our free time tangled up in each other, planning a future that was now crumbling right in front of my eyes.
As my thoughts spiral, my anger begins to dissipate, replaced with only a deep sadness. I look back up at him, tears clinging to my eyelashes, and take a deep breath.
“We’ve been over for a long time, haven’t we?” I whisper, more to myself than to him. With confusion written on his face, he opens his mouth to speak, but no words make their way out.
Maybe he’s torn between begging for my forgiveness and allowing me to walk away without a fight. Or maybe that’s just wishful thinking. I’m not sure which one I’d even prefer at this point.
It would be so easy for me to pretend this day had never happened and still go through with the wedding, but the harsh realization that we would both be miserable is too much to overlook. I have no idea when our relationship became something we were forcing, but it had nonetheless.
Our goals stopped aligning long ago, and we’d spent the past few years desperately trying to fit the mold the other wanted. Getting married would be a disservice to us both.
I sputter out a teary laugh at his silence. Frankly, I just want to be done here. No good can come from dragging this conversation out any longer.
“It’s okay, Ethan. I really don’t need an explanation.”
For a second, he lets his mask slide, the relief clear. The hard lines of his face relax and he looks...light. Like the carefree nineteen-year-old boy I met that day in class. The boy I fell madly and deeply in love with. The boy who hasn’t been happy in quite some time.
Truthfully, I’m not sure I have been either.
My father is quick to jump to his feet, his face now red and angry. For the first time, he isn’t in control in this office, and it must be killing him. “What will my clients think if my own daughter can’t follow through with her obligations? How will this make me look?”
How nice of him to finally give a shit about something.
I rise to my feet, meeting his nasty words head-on. “Marriage shouldn’t be an obligation, Dad.” My voice is resigned. Deflated. I barely recognize it. “Besides, I don’t care what anyone thinks.”
His lip curls into a snarl. “I hope you understand what you’re doing here. While you’re free to make your own choices, you are not free from the weight of those choices. If you call off this wedding, you will give me no choice but to cut you off financially. I won’t keep you on my payroll.”
The energy it takes to lift the corners of my mouth is almost too much to bear. “That saves me the time from writing up my resignation, so thank you.” I try my best to appear smug, but the quake in my voice thunders through me.
I walk toward the door and stop with my hand on the big, heavy knob. A fresh wave of tears burns behind my eyes while I turn to the man who, just hours before, had been my entire future.
I will myself to stop our impending goodbye. To turn around and walk back to him. To remember all the good we’ve shared and to use that to fuel my forgiveness. But no matter how hard I try, I can’t bring myself to feel anything other than the loneliness and regret that come with the wasted years of a failed relationship.
“The Clarey files are in my office,” I say to Ethan before I look over at my father. “I’m done.”
With that, I walk out of the office.
