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ADDISON
I’m sitting in front of the television, folding a load of laundry and rolling my eyes as twenty women vie for one man’s love and attention on national television when Chase comes into the living room.
“Hey,” he says quietly.
My head snaps up from folding a pair of Willow’s jeans. He’s standing in the doorway, shoulders hunched and hands stuffed into his pockets.
“Can we talk now?” he asks. He continues to stand there, heavy eyelids over red-rimmed eyes. He looks like shit, but he also looks a little more like the Chase I fell in love with rather than the asshole who’s been occupying his body this week.
I’m suddenly nervous as I wring the clothing in my hands. Finding him in the shower was one of the most terrifying moments of my life, and seeing him broken was enough to break me, too. We both put on brave faces for Willow throughout the afternoon and evening, but we still kept our distance, dancing around each other uncomfortably. It was so emotionally and physically exhausting.
He walks over to me, grabs the clothes from my lap, and tosses them into the basket on the ground. “Those can wait,” he says, then he drops to his knees in front of me, his face a mix of guilt and regret.
When he holds my hands in his, relief rushes through me so overwhelmingly fast that tears start to blur my vision.
“I’m not even mad at you,” I say truthfully, needing to be the one who speaks first. “I feel like I’m supposed to be mad at you, and I was, but now I’m just sad. I never expected this from you. I never expected to wake up one day to you pushing me away. It’s been so lonely, Chase.”
“I know I’ve said it already, but I need to say it again when I’m not a mess. I’m sorry for how I’ve treated you.” His head falls as he takes in a shaky breath. When he continues, his tone is gravelly and rough, like he has to force the words up and out of his throat. “I couldn’t save her.”
“Oh, Chase. There was nothing you could have done.”
Tears collect in his eyes before they slowly run down his face. “I know that. I do. And I’ve had months to prepare myself for this. I knew it was coming. But seeing her lying there—just a body without a soul—it ripped me to shreds. It became too much, and I just shut down. I couldn’t handle the pain knowing I have so much good in my life, and I couldn’t handle acknowledging the good when I had so much pain. I know it sounds like an excuse, but no matter how badly I wanted to, I couldn’t seem to break out of the fog my brain had me under. I couldn’t feel the good or the bad. I was empty inside.”
I don’t let my eyes waver as he speaks. I want to feel the brunt of every tear that falls, the struggle of every breath he pushes through his lungs. I not only want to understand his pain, but I also want to feel it, so we can both begin the process of healing.
I scoot forward and rest my hand on his arm, hoping it’s a small comfort. Even if it does nothing for him, it makes me feel a little better—touching him, feeling him solid in front of me, a whole man rather than a hollow body.
His tears have stopped, and he wipes at the trails roughly. “I’m so sorry, Addison. But if I couldn’t be strong for Willow and for you, it felt better to just stay away.”
“Well, it wasn’t. We all need one another, Chase. That’s the whole point of a family, to have people to lean on during the hard days.”
He nods, looking broken, like a man who’s been lost for so long, fighting to find his way back home. “I’m sure it might be hard for you to put your trust in me now. Truthfully, I’m still not okay. I still don’t feel strong. But I miss you and Willow so fucking much, and I can’t stay locked up in my own personal hell anymore. I need you.”
His voice cracks, and even though his actions have hurt me too, I wish I could erase the loss he feels. But I also know I can’t cower to that pain. I need to stay strong for Willow—and for myself.
“I understand why this happened and I forgive you, but I also need to make it clear that if you find yourself in a place where you’re spiraling again, you have to communicate with me. If you end up needing some space, I’ll understand. But you still have to talk to me. You can’t shut down, especially when we have Willow to think about.”
“I agree, and I promise I will talk to you to the best of my ability. I know it’s going to take time for us to get to a good place. There’s so much healing we all have to do. Just tell me you’re willing to give me the chance. Tell me we can work through this.” His eyes are pleading, their intensity cracking the last of the armor still at guard around my heart.
“We can work through this, Chase, and so much more.” I bring my hands up to cradle his face, the scratchy stubble rough against my palms.
He leans forward and gently places his lips to mine, and when he pulls back, he gives me a small smile and clears his throat. “Do you think I could sit with you for a while?”
“You offering to finish the laundry?” I laugh out a watery breath, willing myself to push aside our turmoil and focus on this moment of just being together.
“Let’s ignore it for now. I’ll finish it later.” He pushes the laundry basket away from me, then joins me on the couch. I turn to face him as he sits, and he brings one leg up under him to look at me.
“How did Willow do going to bed?” I ask, grasping for a safe conversation to move on with. “I honestly thought it was going to be a tough night getting her settled in.”
“Me too. I was worried about her transitioning back into sleeping in her own room, but she’s hanging in there. It honestly seems like it’s harder for me to give her space than it is for her to be on her own.”
I nod. “She’s been doing okay. Better than I expected. Even though she’s grieving right now, it seems like a lot of her anxiety is gone. There’s no more... uncertainty, I guess, and a lot less stress of the unknown.”
“Maybe you’re right. Thank you for taking such good care of her while I couldn’t. I’m sure it wasn’t easy, but it means a lot to me that she was in such capable hands.”
“Of course, Chase. You know how much I love her. Besides, your mom did most of the work. I’ve just been doing what I can.”
“Well, it means a lot to her and to me, knowing you’re always here if she needs you.” He pauses and tilts his head. “I, uh, wanted to tell you that I made some calls today. I’m going to start meeting with a therapist to help me work through things.”
