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“I was—” I stopped myself. I didn’t owe him an explanation. There was nothing between me and Remy beyond a few physical encounters that remained mostly clothed.
“No need to divulge that to me if you don’t want to, love. I just hope… well, I have hope.”
Nope. Not stepping into that one, especially so soon after I’d told him I needed space. Speaking of which…
“So you just sensed me nearby or something?”
“I felt the flare of your power, as I did on your first night at Divinity. It calls to mine, and it was strong enough to draw me to you.”
“But I didn’t hurt anyone.”
“No, but your ability is growing. Now it doesn’t take nearly as much for me to sense you.” He stepped closer, arm lifting slightly before he stopped himself, dropping it back to his side. “Are you alright?”
My mouth was all set to assure him I was totally fine, but what came out was something else entirely.
“I’m terrified. My temper is getting worse, especially with Illyria, and I’m scared I’m not going to be able to stop myself the next time she pushes me too far. I despise her, but I don’t want her death on my conscience.”
“It’s going to take time, Thea, but your control will grow. The more you get in tune with yourself, the easier it will become to resist instinctively reaching for the power when you’re angry.”
“Did it take you very long to master it?”
“That’s implying I have.”
“So you still struggle with it, too?”
“Of course. We’re going to live forever, Thea. We’ll have centuries of struggling with controlling our abilities before we’re actually able to master them. That’s why they teach us at Divinity instead of leaving us on our own, loose cannons of raw power that could decimate entire populations.”
“But they only keep us at the school for a few years. That doesn’t seem like nearly enough time or training for us to be back out in the world.”
“Sometimes it takes longer.” The hard edge in his voice reminded me he wasn’t there by choice. He’d been recalled to Divinity as punishment for something he’d done. Something he had yet to share the full details of, probably because he was ashamed of whatever had happened.
“I’m surprised to see you off campus. Aren’t they worried you’ll just leave and not come back?”
“Where could I go that one of the goddesses of the hunt couldn’t find me? They know there’s nowhere for me to run, so they allow me the tiniest tastes of freedom sometimes. It’s probably meant to keep me docile, buying my obedience with a little note on my door with nothing but a curfew on it.”
“Is it working?”
“Not the way they mean it to. I have my own reasons for staying.” His stare bored into me and I ducked my head to break our eye contact.
A chill ran over my skin, and it wasn’t from the icy weather. A magnetic pull bade me to step toward him, to close the scant distance between us and let his arms enfold me, but I stood firm against it.
The draw I felt to him grew stronger every time he was near, but was it attraction, or the bond of our power? My lack of certainty didn’t inspire much confidence in my decision-making abilities when it came to him.
“Let me help you, Fury. I know what it’s like to feel out of control, to fear what you might do to those around you. I can teach you how to embrace what you can do without succumbing to it.”
“Isn’t that what you were supposed to be showing me before?” But he’d certainly succumbed that day by the lake.
“We’ve barely scratched the surface. If you can’t reach the source of your power, touch it at will, you’ll never be fully in control of it. Please. What I feel for you isn’t what matters here. I’ll put it aside to teach you, I promise.”
I wasn’t about to get caught up in trying to figure out what he’d be putting aside. Not to mention I wasn’t entirely sure he could. After all, I was having a hard time doing that very thing, wasn’t I?
“I’m doing okay.” The defensive note in my voice was unmistakable. “I stopped myself tonight.”
“Did you? Or did you stop because of the surrounding people? If you were alone, could you have held back from seriously injuring someone? Taking years off their life?”
“Yes.” No.
Maybe?
