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‘I know. It’s just, she kind of got in my head. She was saying I enjoyed it and that I should try to accept it instead of fighting my feelings.’
‘Anddidyou enjoy it?’ asked Bella.
‘Maybe. But it doesn’t mean I’m gay. I likeguys.’
‘So you keep saying,’ I said. ‘I mean, to be honest, I don’t even know why you’re getting so caught up in it. Aren’t you the one who’s normally allgo with the flow?I’m surprised it took you this long to experiment!’
‘I’m confused. I thought I knew who I was and what I liked. I’ve always loved men, fit hunky young guys who are hung like a donkey.That’salways what got me going, but thenboom! One night out with Geli and it’s thrown my world out of sync. Now I feel like I don’t know who I am.’
‘I’ve only ever been with men, so I’m no expert, but maybe it doesn’t have to mean anything more than the fact that you connected with a person who just happens to be a woman?’ I added, thinking of what Geli had said about not putting labels on who we’re attracted to.
‘Just tell her how you feel, that it scared you and you’re still trying to process it. I don’t think she’s expecting a relationship. You two get on well, so just a friendship could be good enough. I’m sure she’d be happy with that. Especially as she’s always travelling. Just don’t ghost her.’
Ghosting was the worst. When I was dating, I never understood why some of the men I was messaging on apps couldn’t just grow some balls, be honest and say they didn’t feel that connection, instead of just disappearing off the face of the earth, leaving me hanging and wondering what I’d said or done wrong. Someone kind like Geli deserved more.
‘Okay, I’ll message her. Who knows, maybe one day I‘ll be up for some GOG—sorry, girl-on-girl action—but right now, I’ve got my handsfull with plenty of cocks, so I don’t have time to start adding any vag to the mix!’ She let out her trademark cackle.
‘Put so delicately as always.’ I rolled my eyes. ‘Once you’ve spoken to her, just add it to your many experiences and move on. And like you said, see what happens in the future. Never say never and all that.’
‘But seriously, Rox,’ added Bella, ‘if one day you do feel a connection with someone, know that it’s okay. It happens. Society is becoming more open. Maybe look up some interviews with celebs like Miley Cyrus or Janelle Monae. They’ve been very vocal about their sexuality.’
‘Be whoever you want to be and do whoever you want. It’s nobody else’s business who you have in your bed,’ I said. ‘Well, except for me! Now I’ve settled down, I want to hear all about your sexual antics so I can live vicariously through you!’ Now it was my turn to laugh loudly.
‘Me too!’ said Bella.
‘Okay, darlings! I’ll keep you posted on my sexcapades. Thanks for being so cool about it. And, yeah, I’ll message Geli later.’
‘Of course! Sounds good, and when you do, don’t overthink it. Whatever happened, happened. Just tell Geli it was fun, but you’d prefer not to take it further.’
‘Bloody Nora! Can’t believeyou, Sophia Huntingdon, overthinking gold medallist, are tellingmenot to overthink.’
‘I know! Always easier to give advice than to take it. And Iambetter than I used to be…’
I thought back to when I’d first met Lorenzo and my dating days.Jeez. So embarrassing. Fish out of water didn’t even cover it. I’d overanalysedeverythinga guy did or said. I was definitely glad that I was all settled and happy now.
I saw what Holly was going through with Umberto. She was in a constant state of questioning and I was so glad I didn’t have to go through that crap anymore. Although to be fair, Holly was right to overthink. She might be in awe of his good looks, but to me, that guy had more red flags than a football tournament.
‘You are better,’ said Bella. ‘But anyway, it’s nothing to be ashamed of. Dating again after coming out of a long-term relationship isn’t easy. It can make any normally sane woman develop overthinkingitis.’
‘Yep! And man did you have it bad with lover boy Lorenzo!’ said Roxy. ‘Speaking of which, how are things back in the sack?’
A massive grin spread across my face.
‘That looks like a good sign!’ said Bella.
‘Oh yes!’ Roxy’s eyes widened. ‘Looks likesomeoneis back on the pitch and scoring big time!’
‘I am indeed!’
‘Details, Soph. We need deets!’
I gave them an ABC version of our bedroom antics (they didn’t need to knoweverything)and they were really happy for me.
Then we chatted about work stuff. Bella’s teaching was going well. Roxy was under a lot of pressure as she was now pretty much running the company she worked at since her boss Colette had taken a big step back. After my experiences with the business, I didn’t envy Roxy having that level of responsibility, but she was enjoying the challenge, so that was the important thing. I also updated them on my deal, which, if all went to plan, should go through in a couple of weeks.
‘Sounds like things are really starting to look up for you over there,’ said Bella.
‘Yeah.Finally!The company stuff’s getting sorted, I’ve got a couple of friends. I’m even kind of getting on with the mother-in-law. Actually,toleratingis a better word. I must admit. It’s been handy having her look after Leo.’
