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Lorenzo pulled me closer into him.
Uh-oh…
And then there wasthat.
Sex.
Thatwas another thing I was worried about.
I felt his hard-on pressing against my bum and froze.
What was wrong with me?
Before Leo was born, just looking at Lorenzo was enough to give me the tingles. The slightest sensation of him touching me would have sent shockwaves through my body and I’d be on top of him faster than you can saynookie. It was like I was constantly on heat. But now?Forget it. That was the last thing on my mind. I had zero desire.None. It was like Leo arrived and my sex drive instantly evaporated.
The idea of getting jiggy again made me want to run for the hills. Or join a convent. It worried me. No.Scrap that. It actuallyterrifiedme.
It was crazy. When I was with my ex, Rich, for fifteen years, existing in a dead-end, sexless relationship, I’d craved nothing more than swinging from the chandeliers with a hot man. I would have killed for the chance to go at it all night. Then I’d met Lorenzo and after a few false starts, when we’d finally got together, we had an amazing sex life—even during the final stages of my pregnancy. And yet now, here I was: on the cusp of regaining my MARGIN status.Yep.After not havingrelationsfor almost six months, I was about to become a Middle-Aged Virgin.
Again.
At my six-week check-up in London, my doctor said it was fine to get back on the saddle. Not that I’d asked. He’d just assumed that I wanted to. Although the birth was relatively straightforward and physically, he’d said, I was all healed down there, mentally, I didn’t feel ready.
For a start, I was constantly tired. Like,all the time. I loved Leo dearly. But after a long day working, breastfeeding, wiping up poo, dribble and snot and trying to keep on top of the housework, I just wanted to sleep. I couldn’t even begin to imagine how I’d even find the energy to bounce up and down on Lorenzo like I used to.
To me, it only felt like five minutes ago that I’d pushed Leo out. It was too soon. I thought maybe I’d be ready after two months. Then I convinced myself it’d be three. Then four…
Now here I was,fivemonths later and still nothing got my fire burning. There wasn’t even a flicker.
I just didn’t get it. I had the sexy man, he had the perfect equipment to get the job done and was ready and willing to use it, but my mind and my body had somehow checked out.
Don’t get me wrong. I still fancied him. He was a god. Six foot two, dark wavy hair, with flecks of grey sprinkled through (Ilovedthat salt-and-pepper look), beautiful thick beard you just wanted to stroke, a killer smile, hypnotic, deep come-to-bed eyes and the most magnificent muscular, golden chest. Lorenzo was still as drop-dead gorgeous, kind and funny as ever. I loved him so much. But yet, in moments like these, when he was resting against me, I felt nothing down below. It was like the sex switch had been turned off.
Lorenzo had been really understanding. He hadn’t pressured me or become impatient. He said he could wait until I was ready. But I couldn’t expect him to be patient forever. It wasn’t fair. And knowing that I wasn’t satisfying him made me feel shitty.
So on top of everything else, I also had to find a way to get my sexual mojo back.
The million-dollar question was,how?
