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Poppy seemed to get lost in the memory. “You’d beg me to ask him.”
“Because he was more likely to get them for you than me.”
“That didn’t last long,” Poppy snapped.
“It wasn’t your fault he turned on you, Poppy. You didn’t do or say anything to deserve the way he treated you.”
“It’syourfault,” Poppy accused, but there wasn’t as much punch behind the accusation as there had been yesterday.
“Is it my fault he was unhappy with his life, that he didn’t love himself or us? Really? Was it Mom’s fault for marrying him and having us? If I’d been nicer, quieter, more outspoken, smarter, faster, better, would it have made him stop? Would it have made him look at me and see me and love me? Would he have ever, even once, praised me for something I did? What did I have to do to make him stop? I tried as hard as I could to be what he wanted me to be. I twisted myself up and tore myself down until there was nothing left of me. I spent years wanting to escape, to get away, until one day I realized the only way out was to end it all once and for all.”
Poppy’s eyes went wide with shock, but deep down Rose saw the understanding.
“How close are you, Poppy, to hitting that bottom? Are you still freefalling deeper and deeper into that dark pit of despair? Or are you lying there, thinking of ways to make it all go away? Maybe you’ll get lucky like me and you’ll realize someone loves you even when you can’t love yourself and you want everything to stop. Maybe it’s your best friend standing next to you when you want to do something drastic . . . She’ll pull you back from the edge, and hug you until it hurts so bad to even think of leaving the one and only good thing you have in your life.”
Tears glistened in Poppy’s eyes. “Rose... I never knew.”
“You didn’t want to see it. Mom didn’t want to see it. Dad just kept on pushing and taunting and hurting me and I couldn’t stand it anymore. But I endured it. For you. For Mom. So I could be with Maggie who always held her hand out to me and picked me up when I fell into that deep dark pit of despair.” Rose pointed to the painting. “That’s me, holding my hand out toyou, offering you a hand up, telling you I’m here for you. All you have to do is reach for me and I will be there reaching back.”
Poppy’s lips trembled. “You don’t understand. I’m not like you. It’s not the same. I can’t shut it off. I can’t let it go.”
Rose took a step toward her. “Yes, you can. Maybe not on your own. But I’m here to catch you, to hold you up, to offer you whatever support you need. You can put it behind you. All you have to do is want it and try.” She took another step closer. “It won’t be easy. It will take time to heal and figure out who you are now. You’ll grieve for who you used to be,who you might have been without him pounding you into the ground.”
Poppy studied her. “Is that what you’ve done? Reinvented yourself?”
“I worked with a counselor at school. I made a lot of mistakes. But then I started figuring myself out. I realized I was worth it. I deserve to be happy.” She took another step. “And despite whatever happened with Dad, whatever you had to do to survive, you deserve to be happy, too.”
Poppy didn’t say anything, she just stood there, tears in her eyes, looking lost and desolate.
“I’m sorry it took me two years after I left for college to get to a place where I could call you and not feel like this place was sucking me back into that deep dark place. I’m sorry I left you. I’m sorry I couldn’t be to you what Maggie had always been to me. You deserved that. You needed it, and I couldn’t be that for you anymore.”
Poppy frowned, her eyes glistening with unshed tears. “And when you tried, I pushed you away again.”
“I understood why you did it. That’s why I kept trying. I’m still trying, Poppy. I will never stop trying.” Rose tempted her with something entertaining. “Maggie’s bachelorette party is in half an hour. There’s a seat at the table for you. Come with me. Have some fun. Look at someone who’s found happiness and embraced it.”
“You added me to the reservation?” Hope filled Poppy’s voice for the first time.
“No, Poppy. I included you in it when I made it weeks ago.”She wanted Poppy to know she was part of Rose’s plans. Part of her future.
“Really?” That one word held a world of anticipation and gratitude.
“Yes, really. Now go and get ready. We need to leave in ten minutes.”
Poppy hesitated. “But... Are you sure?”
“That I want my sister to share a really special occasion with me? Yes!” She closed the last bit of distance between them and took Poppy’s free hand. “I want you to come. And Maggie is really hoping you join us. She misses you, too.”
***
Poppy set the painting on top of her headboard and leaned it against the wall. She stepped back and stared at the beautiful flower, holding back tears as she remembered how close she used to be to her sister.
She couldn’t believe Rose had kept all those drawings.
Poppy had gotten rid of all reminders of the little girl she used to be. She couldn’t look at the inconsequential things in her room and know she didn’t deserve any of them. Not after everything that happened.
Poppy was stuck in the past and weighed down with guilt without remorse, and because of that she felt even worse. Because she should feel sorry about what happened to their father, but she didn’t. Not at all.
She couldn’t tell Rose that. Not when they had a chance to be friends and sisters again.
