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Sharp pains have me clutching my chest. I fall to my knees as the guys call out to me.
???
Returning to my hometown for my grandfather’s funeral, I kept reflecting on the past. Growing up, my parents wanted nothing but the best for my sister and I. Our mom took care of ourwell-beingbut our dad was absent, and hardened. He’d pressure us to exceed at whatever we were doing, academic or otherwise, and we did. Both of us excelled not only in school but in extracurriculars after school. I took up hockey while Mia started singing lessons. Overall, we understood all he wanted was the best for us, and because of our hard work, we had it and more.
Since we lost Opa, Mia and I realized it was time we moved forward in our lives. Taking a good hard look at not only myself but the people surrounding me, I realized everyone was creating futures, settling into their new ‘grown-up’ roles. The guys on the team had found women who complimented them and made them better men just by bringing happiness into their lives. Many of them were engaged or already married. Some have children.
Even my little sister Mia had found a suitable man. She’s not only engaged but excelling in her music career, with her first album being released in the upcoming months.
More than anything, I wanted a little slice of happiness for myself, but being the captain of the Knights brought all the wrong attention. Women saw me as a celebrity and dated me in order to use me for my fame and status.
For example Kim. When I met her, she seemed different…at first.We met one night after our team won a major game. The guys and I went out to celebrate at our little hole in the wall, Margaritaville.
Ordering up some food and drinks, the guys socialized mostly with their ladies, leaving me as the odd one out. Looking for some company, I struck up a conversation with our server. Flirting with her over the menu options, one thing turned into another and I got her number.
Fast forward a year and I’m making deals to open a restaurant called ‘Unwind’ with my then fiance, Kim. Sneaking home early from an away game, I thought it’d be fun to surprise Kim, but the surprise was on me when I walked in on her and the bartender she hired.
Giving her the benefit of the doubt, I heard Kim out, but when she learned she was pregnant, I was suspicious about the baby’s paternity. As the tension between us grew, it not only caused a rift in our personal relationship, but our working one, too.
Trying to keep a level head, I tried to convince myself this child was mine, even though a huge part of me knew it couldn’t possibly be the case. Leading up to the first ultrasound and paternity test, I kept my mind open to the possibility of Kim and I starting a family together. I didn’t trust Kim anymore, but I’d do anything to be there for my child, including staying with a woman I was no longer fond of.
Hearing the baby’s heartbeat changed everything, and I allowed myself to want more than just my career. I wanted a family. Dragging my hand through my hair, I vowed to stand by Kim regardless of her cheating if it turned out the baby she was carrying was mine. We’d work through it for the sake of our child.
With a lump in my throat, I watched as the nurse collected a sample of both mine and Kim’s blood in order to conduct a fetal cell analysis. Gathering our samples, the nurse told us the doctor would call us when the results came in.
“How long do you think?” I blurted a little too loudly.
Reading the room, I watched the nurse’s eyes shift between us. “Unfortunately, I don’t have a straight answer. But it usually takes about a week,” she offered.
Nodding in understanding, I watched the nurse carry our samples out of the room. Knowing the nurse held our future in her hands, I turned towards Kim, who looked just as worried as I did.
Trying to stay positive, I kept up appearances, even though I feared what the future looked like.
Receiving the call a week later, it devastated me when the test came back and I wasn’t a match. Unable to process my feelings, I stormed out of the apartment and hit the first bar I could find. Bursting through the door, I waltzed up to the counter and ordered a couple of shots. Knocking the whiskey back two at a time, I was drunk within the hour.
Today I’m thankful to not be stuck in a situation I wasn’t happy in. I still want a family someday, but I want to be in love with my child’s mother, and her with me.
Being in Toronto for less than a week, I sought my old stomping grounds. Reminiscing about the past,and the girl that haunts me.I realized it’s been nine years since I left to pursue my hockey career.How did I let so much time pass?The place has developed and changed so much that I hardly recognize it.
Turning my attention towards Owls, I’m glad to see the place Stephanie and I spent most of our time outside of school at, expanded and thriving. I couldn’t be happier for Betty. I really needed to stop in and catch up with her. Thinking about Owls, my mind couldn’t help itself from reminding me ofStephanie.
As if my thoughts conjured her up, there she sat, parked by the crosswalk, waiting for the light to change.
Could she see me?
I wondered as I watched a slow, uneasy look sweep across her face.
Lowering my eyes with disappointment and guilt, it’d serve me right if she didn’t want to see me.
But I had to try.
Opening my window, I was just about to call out to her before my phone rang through the speakers. Breaking my concentration, the name of my grandfather’s lawyer popped up on the screen.
First, I need to fulfill Opa’s wishes.
I reminded myself, taking one last look at Stephanie before she disappeared.
There’ll be time for us when it’s right.
